Hot bun — Fresh out the oven

BUN. THE tradition of Jamaicans consuming bun and cheese at Easter time is believed to have come from the English, who had ‘cross buns’ on Good Friday in observation of the crucifixion. Jamaicans have retained an adaptation of this tradition over the centuries, feasting on heavily spiced bun with cheese in the Easter period.

Jamaicans have also been notorious for giving another kind of bun — the kind that will neither put a smile on your face if you receive it, nor be digested easily. In the spirit of Easter, a handful of our readers share their spiciest bun tales, while you share the baked delights with your family.

The bakers

Shaun, 25, taxi operator:

I don’t usually give bun, but I found myself in a situation where I couldn’t help it. My girl was doing overtime at work to save to go to a party in Negril with her friends, even though I wasn’t going to go. She was living with a housemate so I would go over and wait in the living room until she came home sometimes. In that time the housemate and I got to know each other. By the time the party weekend finally came, her housemate and I couldn’t wait until she left out.

Keniel, 28, firefighter:

I was with a girl for about two years and I loved her but she was getting very boring. She was very organised, and I loved that, but it was too much sometimes. We only got intimate once per week, and it was on a schedule. She only loved two positions, and she would lie there and kill the mood if I tried to switch things up. I met a girl who was the exact opposite of her — very spontaneous and impulsive. We had a little thing going until my woman started getting suspicious. I cut things off with the new girl because as much as my woman was predictable, she kept my life in order.

Sher, 23, student:

When I started university I had a boyfriend from high school but he didn’t plan to continue his education. I realised after meeting some of the guys here, that I was settling big time. My boyfriend wasn’t really heading anywhere. By the time I returned to my island for Christmas break, I had a new boyfriend in Jamaica, and a friend with benefits. But my guy back home still thought we were official because I still kept in touch. He came to the airport with flowers and things so I just continued my relationship until the new semester started.

Moya, 33, sales rep:

I was leaving the island for an opportunity abroad, and my boyfriend here at the time and I decided that we would continue in a long-distance relationship and he would travel to see me. I had all intentions of doing that until I arrived and met a cutie from Colombia and we hit it off. Like really hit it off — it was all you could imagine about Spanish guys — the dancing, hot romance; Jesus, just remembering it makes me hot all over!

To my credit I paid for my boyfriend’s trip for that Christmas, but you know how once you’ve experienced better you can never go back? I realised that I was wasting time with this Jamaican who was unwilling to even experiment in the bedroom, as the typical Jamaican man is. And so after the holidays I sent him home, then sent him an e-mail to say the long distance thing wouldn’t work out. He took it really hard, but trust me, once you go Spanish, you’ll know.

Hot bun — fresh out the oven

Tanya, 25, reporter:

My ex gave me bun with my aunt. That was the hottest bun I ever got in my life. It’s one of those aunts who is around the same age me, so we moved like sisters or close cousins. Back then phones weren’t so common so I used to let her borrow my phone since we were close. I never knew she was taking my man until she came to me like a ‘shame puppy’ saying she was pregnant and she didn’t know what to do. That’s when the story came to bump.

Mark, 30, blogger:

My babymother gave me bun with my close friend when I went to work in Canada. The hottest thing was that I was working my butt off in the snow so that I could get my stay and get married to her and bring her and my daughter over here to live. And my friend was there telling me the whole time how she was a good girl and she was holding it down until I came back, so I trusted him around her. The whole time I thought he was helpful, a kick him did a kick weh mi foot.

Gennica, 37, legal assistant:

My ex, now deceased, was apparently fooling around with several of us, and none was the wiser. I loved him so much, and we would spend all our time together — I even met his family. I regarded him as the true love of my life. I remember one time someone at work told me that they had seen him with another woman, but I brushed it off. Well, unfortunately, he was in a car accident and died, and I remember begging God to take me too, because I was so destroyed over it. That was before the funeral. Because when I turned up, so did the others. I counted six of us, and boy was it a spectacle at the graveside when some of them decided to throw themselves at the coffin and wail about losing their man. Fight almost bruk out! I left, embarrassed, because several people from work had come to support me. That night I apologised to God, and withdrew my request for Him to take me too. From that point on I learned my lesson to not form fool over any man.

Bun-fi-bun

Marlon, 32, truck driver:

As wicked as men are, I know women are more wicked. How can a woman get up everyday and pick fight with a man who is flirting with other girls, and even be crying about it, when she herself is cheating on the man? My ex was a demon in the flesh. She’d get up everyday and search my phone and start arguments over who I was talking to. True, I would meet a girl here and there and something happened sometimes, but nothing long-term. One day she used my laptop and left and I heard notifications coming in. She had used WhatsApp web on it and didn’t sign out, so it was still getting all her messages. I’m not the type to search phones, but I decided to just look. When I looked the girl had had another man on the side for months, and had others flirting with at the same time.

Kristie, 26, hairstylist:

My babyfather and I give bun so much, I’ve stopped arguing with him now. I used to cry all the time, and I even left a couple times, but he always came back to get me, no matter how I’d swear I was done. So eventually I just decided that two can play that game. But any man who comes along knows that they are just for fun, so they can’t pass their place, just like how no girl can see me and cause problems.

Bun gone wrong

Daniel, 31, mechanic:

I had this girl one time and I could tell from the first time I met her friend that her friend wanted me. I told my girl that I thought her friend liked me but she laughed it off and said she was just really friendly, and I shouldn’t pay her any mind. But the friend got my number and started messaging me some things and I couldn’t help but flirt with her. Long story short, we agreed to meet up at the friend’s place and when I reached, my girl was there waiting to dump me. She said it was a test and I had failed.