Considering dating out of your league? Keep these things in mind
THE concept of unequally yoked doesn’t just refer to religious incompatibility; there’s a range of other areas where differences between a couple won’t add to making the relationship more interesting but can instead lead to its demise. Differences in culture, race, age, experience and education can stymie a relationship’s growth, and no matter how strong the bond is, or how committed both parties are to each other, some differences are too great to stand the test of time — like differences in educational attainment.
Are you considering, or have you dated or even married outside of your compatibility zone educationally? Did you, or do you believe that love can conquer all? The people below share why you should reconsider dating someone who is not on par with you educationally.Conversations will be difficult
“I had a master’s degree and he didn’t graduate high school,” Marcia B said. “I consider myself very open-minded, but I’d find that I had to tailor my responses for him so that he could understand what I was saying — I’d basically dumb my words down. And certain topics I couldn’t discuss with him because he didn’t understand, or wasn’t as into current affairs as I was.”
In the end, she said, she started sharing her interests with others outside the marriage, as the need to have conversations with like-minded individuals became stronger.
“Initially, the love, affection and devotion seemed like they could conquer all that, but after a few years I needed a partner who I could share other aspects of my life and my achievements with, and all he wanted to do was play dumb games on his phone and be on Facebook,” she said.
Jealousy, resentmentOne-sided decision makingYou may be embarrassedNo value in your achievementsTrying to compete
“She always thought that I was talking down to her, or that I was acting like I was better than her, even though I wasn’t,” George W said. “Truth is, she was just resentful of the fact that she had not been able to achieve what I had, that I had a degree and she did not, and that resentment led to jealousy and she would pick fights for no reason to try to get a more visceral reaction out of me.”
“He would say, ‘it’s your house, you bought it’, or ‘you make the decisions’ which was very frustrating because I valued his input and didn’t think that way at all,” Michelle-Ann P said. “But because I had been the one in negotiations with the sellers, and had taken charge in the more intellectual matters while he took charge of the more physical stuff when we were choosing and buying a house, he basically turned everything over to me. Soon I didn’t feel like I had a partner — I felt like I had another child, and then he started saying that I was hogging the spotlight because I thought he was inferior because he only went to community college.”
“No matter how open- minded you are, your friends or colleagues may not be as open, or may not be able to hide their shock,” Willard M said. “We were at dinner with some of my mates from med school and she used an expression incorrectly and they all burst out laughing. It wasn’t their fault, and it would have been hilarious if she was joking — but she was not, and I felt a wave of embarrassment crash over me for her because when they started laughing she chuckled too, before she picked up that they were laughing at her, not with her.”
“When I got my master’s there was no celebration, no congratulations, nothing. Because he didn’t understand the value of my achievement, all he cared about was that now I wouldn’t need to be absent from home in the evenings and could cook dinner,” Jasmine S said. “He didn’t understand why I needed to work so hard for a piece of paper, because he placed no value on education. And because his reaction was so lacklustre, I just shelved my degree in a box in the closet and moved on like I didn’t just achieve a major milestone.”
“My ex-husband would try to compete with me at every turn because I guess he felt insecure and thought that everybody was wondering how we became a couple,” Nicole F said. “So although he had his own small business, the fact that I was head of a big corporation intimidated him, and he would challenge everything I said, run for positions in our community and service clubs, and try to undermine me every chance he got — buying bigger cars, more expensive clothing — and just basically trying to have the upper hand.
