Social anxiety — that overwhelming, persistent fear

MANY of us can relate to getting knots in our stomachs, sweaty palms and feet or just how fast our hearts begin to race every time we are asked to give a speech, presentation, interview for a job or sometimes just to interact with a group of people. As such, sometimes we make every effort to ensure that we don’t find ourselves in these situations.

The primary reason for this is because, among other things, we fear being judged. Clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell says that this feeds into an obsession with the idea that it’s best to stay away from these situations because no matter how much we invest the outcome will be the same —catastrophic.

“Social anxiety really is an overwhelming persistent fear of others watching and judging you in your social environment — whether this is at work, school or just in your daily lives. These feelings are so intense that they can significantly affect one’s ability to function. It is quite common and the symptoms vary from person to person, but the important thing to note is that it can be managed; people can regain control of their lives,” Dr Bell told All Woman.

How can they do this? Dr Bell has shared a list of five techniques that people with social anxiety have found helpful.

Cognitive restructuring

This is where you simply talk back to the negative thoughts that are swimming around in your head. “Where is your proof that you think that I am boring? Who says that I will do terribly? I am preparing since I understand the material so well I will be able to execute well.” The truth is most time the negative thoughts is your only enemy. It will not only cause you to think that you will do a terrible job; they actually might cause you to. They can cause you to lose your focus and that is when you stutter or become incoherent and so you have to focus on not just keeping these thoughts out, but talking back to them. Question their validity, write them down if that helps, and challenge them with positive truths.

Boost your self-esteem

One of the major monsters that feel social anxiety is poor self-esteem. “If you know that you struggle with self-esteem issues then this is a good place to start. Overcoming social anxiety will require strong esteem; it calls for belief in self and your abilities and confidence,” Dr Bell advised. So, understand that you have a duty to engage yourself in positive affirmation, work on looking and feeling better, work on learning to accept compliments, learning to criticise yourself less, and in general just focus on affirming your worth. These are critical to your ability to finding comfort and exuding confidence in social situations.

Relaxation exercises

One way of being in control of social anxiety is to practice relaxation techniques. Deep breathing exercises is one of the most effective “in the moment” measures that we can use to help us cope with anxiety. Dr Bell said that you can do them before entering social situations as well as during to help you feel calm, and then after you have completed the engagement for relaxation… “But also remember that doing these exercises regularly, preferably daily, is most beneficial” Dr Bell advised.

Engage a therapist

Sometimes, you will need the help of a professional as you work on controlling your anxiety. The truth is because of your tendency to get ahead of yourself you need a professional to help to gauge your response to these situations. One of the most effective treatments that specialists use in the treatment of social anxiety is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). “CBT really is a type of therapy where a therapist assists you to identify what we call negative thought patterns as well as behaviours. For example, your tendency to think ‘I am going to make a mess of it’ or ‘they will think I am a boring speaker’ —which really is making assumptions without giving yourself a fair chance. Having identified these, the next step will be to work on changing them,” Dr Bell underscored.

Engage your senses

We all have our go-to method for stress relief—for some of us it’s visual, for others it’s audio and others oral, for example. Some people might be able to get calm by finding a visual and focusing on it, others may need to feel something, whether it’s a stress ball or fur toy, while others may need music or to chew on a piece of gum. Some of these are not appropriate when you actually are in the social situation, but they can be effective before and after.