Miscarriage — that baby we don’t talk about
MISCARRIAGES are more common than many people realise, especially since most of them occur within the first few weeks of pregnancy when many women don’t even realise as yet that they are pregnant. About one out of every eight known pregnancies end in a miscarriage. They are most prevalent in the first trimester (13 weeks) of pregnancy.
While a lot is still left to be understood about pregnancy loss, there are several factors which doctors believe may contribute to it. Consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr Sharmaine Mitchell says, “The most common cause for an early pregnancy loss is an abnormality in the make-up of the foetus.” In several instances, when the body detects that the embryo is not developing as it should, it ends in a miscarriage, or what doctors refer to as a spontaneous abortion.
Since miscarriages occur in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy (if loss occurs after 20 weeks it is considered a stillbirth), when many women would not have been obviously pregnant as yet, for various reasons, including grief, guilt, disappointment, avoidance of pity, and the cultural stigma surrounding baby loss, many women choose just never to speak about their miscarriages.
In helping to break the stigma surrounding pregnancy loss, and so that other women can know the signs of miscarriages and that it is not their fault, these women open up about the babies they lost to miscarriage:
JM, 27:
Two years ago I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I had just found out about four weeks prior that I was pregnant, and went to my first clinic visit and everything. I felt very guilty and ashamed when it happened because at first I was unsure whether I was ready for a baby, so I cried a lot in the first weeks. When I lost the baby I felt like God took it away from me because I didn’t deserve it. I hadn’t even told anyone except the dad about it as yet, so I just pretended nothing happened, but I was sad for a very long time. Even now I am on birth control because I am not sure if I want to experience that again.
SK, 34:
I had two or three miscarriages before I got pregnant. I’m sure about two of them, because I would have missed a period both times, then around the time when I would be eight or nine weeks pregnant, I had long, heavy, painful periods with large clots. After the second time I went to the gynaecologist and she encouraged me to try getting pregnant again. The next time it happened again I wasn’t really sure if I had got pregnant or not, but it was still very disappointing to have a period. I waited a few cycles, started taking folic acid, eating cleaner and exercising a little. Six months later I got pregnant and it stuck.
SB, 50:
When I was about 35 I had a miscarriage at two months. I had three normal pregnancies before, so I knew I wasn’t supposed to start bleeding so much. I didn’t start going to the doctor or anything yet, but I was having morning sickness and cramping so I knew I was pregnant. When I felt it happening I just called my daughter and told her, and lay down for a few hours.
CG, 25:
I think I miscarried in 2016, but I didn’t even know I was pregnant until it happened. I had missed a period the month before, but I chalked it up to stress since I had started a hectic summer job. Then one Friday I just felt some very bad cramps and then a heavy gush of blood came down and soiled my clothes. I thought it was just a terrible period, but I bled for much longer than usual and there was a large clot that came out that I know was not normal. It was after reading up online that I saw it was a miscarriage. I felt confused and disappointed, so I just didn’t say anything to anyone about it, not even the would-have-been father.
