Women discuss condom stigma
AS women ride the tide of sexual independence, one thing is certain – more women are also taking charge of their sexual health. Many women, however, are still afraid to buy condoms and dread the conversation or interaction that they will have with their sexual partners before intercourse.
Unfortunately, this fear and stigma associated with condom purchase and use could have contributed to the climbing global rates of HIV and other STDs among women.
We asked women who were victims of the condom stigma to share how their partners reacted when they offered a condom or made it a criteria for sex.
Patrice, 45, business owner:
I gave my husband a condom because I had concerns about his sexual behaviour. He was insulted. The man said that if he needed a condom to have sex with his wife, I should find another way to get serviced.
Shirlene, 34, teacher:
I was dating a guy for three months before we had sex. When we were going to I didn’t see him making moves towards a condom, mark you, we hadn’t done an STI panel or anything. Anyway, you see because I don’t play with the big A and I would have no choice but to blame myself, I kindly reached into my bedside drawer for one and the blood left his face. He said I had broken his vibe. The sex was awkward but my safety is more important than short-lived pleasure.
Kadian, 28, customer service rep:
Once I offered my boyfriend a condom during sex and the man attacked me. He said that I was cheating and there was no other explanation. He also said that he wasn’t stupid and even if he was doing his thing outside he strapped up. I honestly did it because I had proof he was unfaithful and he had given me an STD a few years before.
Christina, 34, bank teller:
I was about to have sex with the guy I had been dating for six months. He assumed that we would go naked even though he didn’t know anything about my sexual health (good hygiene and a clean looking pubic area do not guarantee that). He tried to convince me that he was clean and proceeded to ask me if I thought he had something and if I didn’t trust him. Before the night could progress I had to explain how it wasn’t about trust and that it was more about respect, safety and love. It made him ask to do the STD panel together.
Samoya, 32, health aid nurse:
I was fooling around with a man awhile back. When I refused to do it without protection, he started to get aggressive about all that he was doing for me and accuse me of suggesting that he had HIV and other diseases and said that it was more likely I had something because I was the one with the cheating ex. He just could not see reason so it didn’t work out.
