‘Don’t go it alone, no woman is an island’
LAST week, we started hearing from respected corporate professional, mentor, mother and wife Dr Hopelin Hines. After all she has been through, Dr Hines is well positioned to offer advice and hope to women who are going through a difficult time.
Q: What is your practical advice to women who are going through a tough season of struggle?
A: I absolutely love Kevin Downswell’s song Carry Me. Ladies, when you’ve come to the end of yourself, go to ‘knee city’ as you bawl out and cling to Jesus — ‘Father, carry me’. He is truly the friend that sticks closer than a brother or sister and we should withhold absolutely nothing when sharing with Him. He already knows it all and our secret wounds and hurts are safe with Him. Pour your heart out to Him unendingly. Express yourself freely as God alone intimately knows what you’re going through. He understands every pain and heartache, every season of despondency, darkness, disappointment and disillusionment. This builds our utter dependence on Him and helps us enter into a closer relationship as we commune with Him consistently as we would a best friend.
Enquire of God — What are you saying to me in this season, Lord? Let me hear your voice of direction. Help me see things like you do. Search the scriptures and listen to the wisdom, comfort, assurance and guidance He provides as He speaks through His word and as you commune with Him in prayer. The Psalms and Proverbs have been great resources for me in times of trouble.
Don’t go it alone, no woman is an island — Ask the Lord Jesus to go before you and guide you to the right people of God to embrace along your journey. Proverbs 20:18: “Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance.” Not everyone is fit to let into your camp. Let God choose for you the safe people with whom you can unburden yourself. Ask for practical help where needed. I remember when I was ill an elder from my church and his wife visited my home and brought groceries for the family. Another church sister came to visit with her family and ministered to us with prayer. Love was lavished upon us and sustained my weak frame. That’s the business of life — I need you and you need me. We are made for community. My work colleagues brought my kids gifts to celebrate their special birthdays when I couldn’t lift a finger to celebrate them myself. I am forever grateful for every act of compassion and kindness rendered to my family and I.
Never envy someone else’s journey — You have no idea what they have been through and what it cost to be where you see them today. When we compare our worst moments to others’ highlights, we get a distorted view of life and it can lead to disillusionment. Often when we go through seasons of difficulty it is natural to compare ourselves to others, feeling like we don’t deserve the hardship or we are not worthy to be relieved of our pain. Let us humbly benchmark ourselves against God’s standards which really represent our ultimate barometer for life.
Remembering the tough season helps to strengthen our mettle and character so keep that rainbow at the end of the tunnel in view. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. Seasons come and go. He is growing me for my good. Be prepared for God to use your pain to help others in their struggles and when that time comes, unselfishly pay it forward. There is purpose in pain that is surrendered to God. Don’t let your pain be wasted. Precious ladies, He created you for His glory and no matter what your story, He can use you right where you are.
My mom taught me a song as a child which has carried me through life — “Beyond the dark clouds, there’s a silver lining, through faith you will find it. Keep pressing on, keep pressing on. Beyond the dark clouds, there’s joy in sorrow, hope for tomorrow. Keep pressing on, keep pressing on.” Remember, your mistakes don’t define you unless you let them. Yield them to God and seek His face in the matters of concern to your heart. He is still indeed the great fixer-upper who specialises in taking our mess and making it into a message. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and wait patiently on His timing. Journal your journey as it helps when you look back to remember how God has been with you through previous trials and struggles and boosts your faith that He’ll do it again.
Passionate about faith and women empowerment, Shelly-Ann Mair-Harris has served on the board of women’s rights organisations and is the author of several publications including God’s Woman and The Goodies on Her Tray. A woman of faith for several years, Shelly-Ann is the creator of Family and Faith Magazine and Women & Faith. She is also a podcaster, an award-winning playwright and poet as well as a trained and experienced media, marketing, change management and strategic communications professional.
