Finding the right one is possible
Dear Counsellor,
I read your column last week about the 39-year-old lady who is seeking a husband. I am interested in meeting her. I am a 53-year-old single man and I know I could be a good husband to this lady. Please share my e-mail address with her so we can talk and I can get to know her better.
Thanks for joining The Counsellor’s Couch. Yours was one of several letters of offers for contact that came in for this lady. Your confidence is good and your message has been passed to her. Any follow-up will now be up to her.
Your letter, and the others, allows other women to see that there are people out there looking to have meaningful relationships. The challenge has always been for “good ones” to find each other. There are many good men out there looking. Whatever a single adult’s desire is, whether Christian or non-Christian, there are available people right here in Jamaica. All the good ones are not gone.
A big part of finding the right one is making yourself available and being the right one, too. And for those of faith, trusting God for a partner requires your active involvement. Too many singles think that “Isaac” will wander into their yards, declaring “I am the one”. I recall when I was single I prayed and I went about boldly introducing myself to ladies when I had the opportunity. I eventually married someone I met at a bank. Well, we had met before in our late teens, we realised later. The point is, there’s something for you to do if you want to be married. The Bible says, “Whosoever finds a wife…” (Proverbs 18:22). It means there’s a “finding” to be done by one who’s searching. And for the ladies, being “found” because you’re not hidden away somewhere. If you’re desirous, available, and ready, there are guys out there right now searching for you.
You should not appear to be desperate and clingy, either, when you’ve met someone. That’s a turn off! Please do not talk about marriage on a first date or even on the 10th. Maturity and true readiness is being confident that the right connection will be evident and it won’t need to be forced. The right relationship will flow naturally through the next steps. Be available. Be ready! But never desperate!
My advice to singles:
Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your singleness boldly. Be adventurous and inquisitive. But do so safely, not putting your health and safety at risk. Don’t do anything that can jeopardise your future bliss either. Explore places and events by yourself and with friends. Ensure that you know how to have amazing and fulfilling moments as a single adult. Learn also to appreciate your own company.
Create a healthy social life. Create a routine for good social activity. Determine that you will do some sort of social activity at least once a week. This way you increase the chances of being found, or finding. This routine should follow you into marriage also. A good marriage has good social activities like date nights, game nights, etc. Church attendance should be included in that routine, especially if you’re a Christian looking for a partner.
Learn about the opposite sex. Not everything you know about the opposite sex may be true. You may also need to know that being too demanding can turn off a man. And being too boastful can turn off a woman. Get advice about yourself and about the opposite sex from knowledgeable people so that when you meet the right one you’re also the right one.
Dress the part. Dress appropriately, even for the supermarket. By the way, sexy is not usually thought of as “a keeper”. Elegant and trendy depicts maturity and readiness.
Don’t discount prayer. Coincidence has an orchestrator and prayer helps coincidences happen. And note, finding the right one is just the beginning. A lifetime of learning begins after you’ve met each other.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
