Let’s talk about LOVE
IF you’re looking for advice, guidance or information to make your Valentine’s Day (V-Day) the best one ever, read on. If you’re unsure about whether you should be celebrating, what to expect, if you should be reciprocating, or how to show your romantic side, life coach and actualisation specialist Yolanda Livingston has the answers for you.
Below she answers some questions posed by readers for V-Day.
Q: My man says he doesn’t believe in V-Day. How do we strike a compromise?
A: Valentine’s Day is not about him, so if it’s something that you really believe in and expect to be reccognised, he should compromise. Many men use that excuse because they don’t want to spend on gifts, so you need to put your foot down early. His opinion on Valentine’s Day doesn’t matter, only your feelings do. Tell him to go shopping and make you happy, instead of using that washed-up excuse.
Q: He has to work on V-Day, what do we do?
A: Work has to end at some time, so you can either celebrate before or after. It’s not the actual date that’s important, it’s the action of showing the person you love how much you love and appreciate them. Plus, many couples who are apart still celebrate. If he’s not physically there, there are still phone calls and text messaging and Facetime — you can still have a romantic evening without being in the same space.
Q: I have two Valentines, is it OK to gift my number two on the 15th?
A: Being a player, and playing with someone’s feelings on what’s supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, go against everything the day is supposed to be about. But, it’s not my place to judge. I’ll just say that V-Day isn’t about the actual date, but about showing the person you love that they’re important to you. So act well, choose well, and be well.
Q: We haven’t been dating long but I still want to get her something. Suggestions?
A: Get something small but tasteful, like flowers delivered to her home or office. Don’t overdo it, especially if you haven’t yet established that you’re exclusive. You don’t want to go all out and splurge, then find out that you’re not the only one sending her gifts because she has kept her options open.
Q: I’m a single mother, no man, but would still like to enjoy the day. What can I do?
A: There are so many ways for single people to still enjoy V-Day. You can make it about showing love to your children, family or friends. Get a babysitter for the night, and arrange with your other single girlfriends to go out for drinks. Dress up, be cute, and who knows? You may just find your match out there who had the same idea you did.
Q: I’m a bigger girl, how can I show him that I’m sexy without feeling awkward?
A: If he’s with you, then chances are he doesn’t mind your size. But, it’s also important that you feel comfortable. Lingerie come in various sizes so you don’t have to worry, but if you’re truly not comfortable with the whole sultry get-up, remember that being sexy is all in how you present yourself. It has nothing to do with what you wear but rather how you wear it — that’s why even a T-shirt can be sexy on a woman who’s naturally seductive. So chin up, shoulders back, set the mood, and do what you know he likes, in the way that makes you comfortable.
Q: Should I propose to her on V-day because it’s romantic, even if I’m not sure?
A: Never jump on the hype train when you’re not sure. Proposing is a big decision, so make sure you don’t do it until you’re ready — because if you’re not ready and she realises or finds out later, you’d have ruined Valentine’s Day for her forever.
Q: I’m a woman. Am I expected to give my man something?
A: This is a tricky one, but it depends on the understanding you have with your guy. Some men will make hints that they expect to be treated too; some are more traditional and expect to be the ones doing the treating (and some may even be offended if you try to gift them something). If you’re unsure, maybe get him something small like a card expressing how much you appreciate him.
