Is being his ride or die worth it?
TALK show host Steve Harvey says men are less likely to leave women who build them up, and the practice of women being ride or die, of building with their men from scratch, and of being the woman behind the man, has been a feature of the modern dating scene for ages. With more women entering higher education spaces, more women in power positions, and more women making bank, it’s inevitable that the woman who wants a mate will have to compromise somewhat.
For some women, this compromise will inevitably involve them lowering their standards significantly. Was it worth it?
Angell, 42:
Married a man who was good to me, treated me well, the perfect gentleman, except that we were poles apart with our education — he only went to school up to grade nine, and I have a master’s. I’d say that the few years that we were happy it was worth it, as I truly did not see him as less than. In fact, his street smarts and ambition meant that he was making more money than I was, because he was a hustler. But as soon as he started making money things shifted — suddenly I wasn’t enough and there was a lot of disrespect. He thought he had arrived, because he could afford to buy his own car and pay his own bills. I’m lucky that we didn’t have children. I’d advise women to try as much as possible to date and marry someone at their level.
Kadian, 37:
I took a man in to live in my house who was younger, and had a babymother, but he was mature. It wasn’t all about the sex, I really checked for him, plus he was good to talk to. But the babymama drama was endless, and he was just not mature enough to deal with it. When she showed up at my workplace I had to nip things in the bud, because I realised that they were both playing childish games, and I was too old for all that.
Moya, 33:
When you lower your standards to accommodate a man, pretty soon he will try to control you and abuse you, because trust me, he will be insecure with the power dynamics, and try to exert whatever power he has. So prepare to be manipulated, because he will feel like you’re holding what you have over him, and he will constantly try to make you feel guilty for not being on the same level he is.
Anne, 50:
I built this man from scratch, from high school we were together, and built a business together. It was the perfect love story and marriage, until he started feeling like he deserved better. So the irony was that when I started dating him everybody warned me not to, because we were so different, and he had nothing to offer. After I helped him build, this man dissed me with other women, and told me during one argument, “your time done. Next!”
Sashae, 30:
I dated a vertically challenged man because I felt sorry for him, not attraction, just pity. Plus, he had a good heart and was a good listener. I was so wrong though. For what they lack in height, short men are so arrogant and pompous. Imagine, while in that relationship this man made me feel less than, as if making me feel bad made him feel good. It was after I left that relationship that I looked back and wondered if I was drugged or something. Because that man, looks and personality wise, was nobody I should have been bawling over.
