Wife wants to get her groove back
Dear Counsellor,
I got married young – at 23 years old, and now I’m 40 and I think I’m finally coming into my own as a woman, and need something else, something exciting. Mind you, I have a solid marriage and family, but I just feel like I missed out on so much by tying myself down so early. How does one get through this phase?
You’re bored, I understand. You’re bored and feeling that some exciting things have passed you by and are still passing you by. Many other wives may be feeling exactly what you’re feeling right now too. I’m pretty sure some good, faithful wives can relate to you. Let me go out on a limb and recommend an old, well-loved song for you. Maybe you won’t know it, but it’s by a singer named Charlene. She’s an artiste way before your time. However, you can look up this song on YouTube. The title is I’ve Never Been To Me. There’s a message in that song that might be relevant for you, and those feeling like you are.
Life can feel monotonous at times — doing what you do faithfully, day in and day out, can seem like it’s a dull life. And often, unmarried friends exaggerate their “fun” and can make a married person feel they’re missing out. But listen, those very single friends would often gladly trade places with you. They’d gladly give up their insecurity for your security. Sure and steady still wins the race. You have what many want. And when you have a good thing, don’t dare throw it away chasing something out there in the ether.
The key will be to build adventure into the great family life you’re blessed with. And chances are, if you let the stable home you have slip away, you’ll probably regret it for the rest of your life. And I wouldn’t be surprised if one of your single friends tries to rush in to take your place. You mentioned coming into your own as a woman. The truth is, you probably came into your own as a woman way before now, and maybe even before you got married. So now, as a more mature woman, do what is best for a great future for yourself and your family. Here’s how you get through this phase you’re in safely.
My advice:
Get creative: Become more creative, with your family. Do some new and exciting things with them. You could go camping, or for long road trips, or even build something new together. And become creative with your husband too. Let him know you want to learn new things together, like a new language, Latin dancing, or horse riding. You can also seek to become more creative romantically — moonlit dinners on the beach, dates at a skating rink, or a boat ride at night, both of you alone. And then sexually too — learn new things in the bedroom, like role playing, etc.
Challenge yourself: Give yourself timelines to learn new disciplines. You could take up new hobbies like voice training, painting, acting, public speaking or dancing. Do something that might make you nervous. Then push yourself to present or perform for others.
Become adventurous: We say it’s a small world, but it really is not. The world is huge, with great things to see and do. Scenery and architecture varies so widely from culture to culture and place to place. Be purposeful about seeing the world with friends, with your family, with your husband and by yourself. Go explore.
However, with all you do, do it while maintaining a good relationship with your husband and the rest of your family. Maintain your solid marriage and family — you’re 40 now but when you’re old you’ll be happy you did. If you’re still feeling discontented after, reach out to me at www.counsellorscouch.com.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
