Sex, love, and endometriosis: A silent relationship killer
ENDOMETRIOSIS is a condition in which cells similar to the ones that are shed with a woman’s period end up outside the womb, resulting in long-standing inflammation and pain. It’s more than just painful periods though, it can also be a silent killer of relationships. When these endometriotic deposits end up near the vagina, ovaries and pelvic floor, it can make even the gentlest touch feel excruciating.
Strong family values and intimacy are central to our culture; therefore, a condition that disrupts sex, fertility and self-esteem can have devastating effects. These women suffer in silence, ashamed to admit that sex is no longer pleasurable, or that their relationship is falling apart.
Pain, frustration, and infidelity
For many women with endometriosis, sex is not just uncomfortable—it’s PAINFUL. The condition causes inflammation and scarring in the pelvis, making penetration painful, leaving women feeling fearful of sex and disconnected from their partners. The pressure to “perform” in relationships, coupled with pain and exhaustion, can lead to resentment, and in some cases, infidelity. Many women avoid sex entirely because they fear the pain.
More than just a “woman problem”
Endometriosis doesn’t just affect the woman—it affects the entire relationship. Partners may feel helpless, frustrated, or even blamed. In our culture, where masculinity is often linked to sexual performance, a man may struggle to understand why his partner is in pain or rejecting him. If there isn’t a clear line of communication and understanding, this often leads to the man seeking solace outside of the relationship. There are even instances where the man has been given the proverbial “hall pass” to satisfy his urges elsewhere.
If your partner has endometriosis, the most powerful thing you can do is support her. Educate yourself about the condition, be patient, come to her doctor visits, listen but don’t judge. Avoid taking her pain personally—it’s not rejection, it’s a medical condition.
The solution: More than just painkillers
There are many options for relief that can be employed for this condition. Natural remedies like turmeric and ginger can help with inflammation. In the past I’ve employed a combination of surgical disease reduction, hormonal therapy and prescription pain killers to help alleviate the issue. However, over the past 3-5 years I’ve discovered an unlikely game-changer…pelvic floor physiotherapy.
Most persons have associated physiotherapy with recovery from an injury, stroke or surgery; however, pelvic floor physiotherapists play a vital role in endometriosis management. This is seen clearly when it comes on to management of painful sex. It involves working with a trained therapist who can help relax tight pelvic muscles, improve blood flow, and reduce pain. This treatment, combined with the standard medical management can significantly improve a woman’s sex life and overall well-being.
If endometriosis is affecting your sex life, your relationship, or your mental health, you are not alone, and help is available. Remember, this is not just a woman’s issue—it’s a COUPLE’S issue.
Don’t wait until your relationship is on the rocks, take action today!
Dr Ryan Halsall, MBBS DMOG FACOG FMAS, is an OBGYN | Minimally Invasive Surgeon.
Dr Ryan Halsall
