37, untouched, and waiting for a husband
Counsellor, I am a 37-year -old Christian. I am waiting for a husband, and I am a virgin. However, I wonder if I am one of those women who will go back to God the way I came, and I don’t want that. I want a family, but each time I try to enter a relationship, something bad happens. Should I accept my fate? Or should I see what the hype is about first, and then if virtue is my calling, I can return to that. I am 98 per cent positive that I will die a spinster.
You are a chaste Christian now desiring romantic love and a family, and you want to know what to do. I commend you for your convictions and ability to maintain sexual purity in a sex-driven world. Your own desire for romance, marriage, and a family must not be seen as something unholy or unrighteous, though. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” So see yourself as a blessing waiting to be found by the right person.
REV CHRIS BRODBER.
Many Christians can bear witness that they have contemplated celibacy as the will of the Lord for their lives. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians regarding it being good not to have to marry has inspired many people aspiring for the highest service of the Lord to consider celibacy. But the Lord Jesus made it clear that celibacy and the ability to refrain from all sexual activity, for a lifetime, has to be a gift. (See Matthew 19:10-11).
You’ve said you don’t want to “go back to God as you came”. Meaning you want to experience intimacy and intercourse. Understood. That desire for intimacy, a husband, and a family strongly suggests that you have not been given that particular gift. The
Bible also says in 1 Corinthians 7:9, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” So, it is better to marry than to burn with desire, or burn in judgement for unrestrained sexual behaviour.
Note, the apostle Peter and other early church leaders were married and served the Lord well. Priscilla and Aquila were a dynamic husband and wife Christian ministry team. Yes, an unmarried person will have more time to dedicate themselves to spiritual things and acts of service. However, the highest priority is holiness, integrity, and right-standing with the Lord and those of the Christian community. Anyone vowing celibacy without receiving such a gift can be in great difficulty, and can cause grave difficulties.
I don’t advise you to go off casually and explore sexual activity, for the sake of it, as you might have suggested. And don’t say you are 98 per cent sure you’ll be a spinster if you are a person of faith and you desire to be married. I suggest you consider trying the good strategies available to you so that you can be “found” by a like-minded single man: Pray fervently; dress appropriately; socialise smartly; travel frequently; explore continuously; use matchmaking tools wisely; set parameters prudently. Be approachable and be accessible.
Feel free to reach out for further advice, and consider following me on social media for possible matchmaking opportunities. Now you’ve also said that each time you’ve tried to enter a relationship, something bad happens. I’d ask what exactly that might be. A counselling session may help you to mitigate such things.
There are many men and women also in your shoes. But with an open mind and a willing heart, your dream can come to pass. And if you find that you are more comfortable keeping the dream as a dream and remaining single, do that with all your might, and be proud of your special gift. May the rest of your life be the best of your life.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
