Dear TEENage,

I’m the only child for my parents, thus it goes without saying that they treat me like I’m the king of the world.

Over the years, I’ve grown to love them, respect the barriers they’ve set for me and accept them as they are. I’ve also tried to please them, so as I don’t get on their wrong side.

The thing is, I fear that getting on their wrong side is inevitable.

I’m not a ‘bad’ person, but I’ve done some pretty bad things. Not intentionally though, but I’ve realised that one bad action causes another bad action to happen to cover up the first one. Also, that second bad action requires a cover up and so on and so on.

So I’m doing a series of bad things that I’m even ashamed of to mutter in the corners of my mind. I feel so lost, because I’m not recognising the person I’m becoming and I’m drifting from my parents in an effort to not contaminate them with my deeds.

I’m burning to tell them, because I think they can help me, but that’s where I’m stuck. How do I tell my parents?

Lost Son

Dear Lost Son,

Firstly, before you even think it, banish the thought of using a letter to convey your wrongs. That’ll more than likely dig your grave deeper, as it’ll fail to fully capture your remorse.

Best thing to do?

Sit them down and talk to them. Get them at a time when they’re not busy, and preferable in a good mood.

It will be even harder than you imagined, but you need to recount your wrongs one by one. Be humble, and speak nothing but the truth. Don’t water down the seriousness of your wrongs or try to withhold the more unpleasant details. The fangs of your conscience will just bite away at your core, and you’ll end up feeling unfinished or even worse than when you started.

Take that time as your only chance to spill your guts. Probably too, it will be, as you may not be able to muster the courage to do it all over again.

When confessing what you’ve done wrong, we suggest that you wear your emotions on your sleeves. Show them the raw fear of hurting them and the deep sadness this has caused you. Let your burdens be etched in the lines of your face, so that they know that you are truly remorseful. Regardless of how bad your wrongs are, the fact that you are already punishing yourself for what you’ve done, will leave an impression on them. Don’t be surprised though, at the well-deserved discipline that you may receive.

Additionally, get in the habit of talking to your parents on a regular basis. Although this may be hard to fathom, your parents were TEENagers too, so they have an idea of the trials you face. It’s not the first time you’ll need your parents’ help, so make it a regular habit to include them in your daily lives. You don’t have to go as far as being best friends, but work on being the best friends that you can be. Remember, they have your best interest at heart.

TEENage Advice Team