Beware

Of entrance to a quarrel;

But being in,

Bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee.

— Shakespeare, Hamlet 1,3

They say that cockroach don’t business inna fowl fight, which is akin to what the above quote is saying. They also say that every story has two sides or indeed three sides, your side, her side and what really happened. No wonder court cases are so intriguing, interesting, involved and entertaining, as both sides swear to the truth and say that their story is what really happened.

Meanwhile, the jury and the judge have to sift through all that’s said and come up with a decision. And even that is not infallible either, as in many cases it’s the guile and skill of the lawyer that often determines the outcome. When dealing with couples, this can prove to be quite a task, as both parties will present their side of the story, coloured with angst and anger, emotion and passion, as they try to convince you that’s the way it really went. And you had better agree with them too, or you will not be deemed to be their friend. The other side, that’s where we’ll go today, right after these responses to ‘Why women stay single’.

Dear Tony,

In the Muslim world and other strict religions, if a woman or man compromises or does something that the religion speaks against, there are harsh punishments awaiting them; probably even death. Christianity is the most forgiving and merciful religion there is, and God asks that we keep ourselves pure until we are married, which in all honesty is the hardest thing for a human being to do. But it is not impossible. If one decides to be a Christian, then one should live the life of a Christian, as persons will always be ready to point fingers if he or she slips. Men may have a higher sex drive than most women, but if a woman can keep herself for sometime, then so can a man.

Christine Ade-Gold

Hello Mr Robinson,

I read one of the letters written by one of your readers (Sandra), published Sunday, December 26, and what she wrote made me stop and think. If the relationship she is now in is so rotten and poor, then why is she willing to go through all that suffering? I was only reading her side of the story, but what about her man’s side of the story? She said, ‘He drinks like a fish, always broke, always borrowing and can’t pay back.’ This man seems like he is the one holding the purse strings and she is just part of the change in his purse. Maybe I’m wrong, but her story has too many ‘unfinished parts’ to it. Keep up the good work you are doing.

Robert Martin

For some reason I always seem to get caught in the middle of domestic discord. No, no, no, it doesn’t involve me directly, my hands and other body parts are clean. But couples are always unloading on me and seeking my approval and sympathy for whatever hurt, pain and suffering they are going through.

I have to be careful where I tread and what opinions I offer, as in most cases people only want to hear what they want to hear and not the truth. Years ago I knew this guy who would always complain how his wife would spurn his advances and treat him with scant regard when he made any overtures for romance. This went on for years and at a glance you would say, “What a cold, wicked woman, always pushing her man away.”

He would regale me with tales of woe, saying “Imagine, she’s my wife and I can’t even get a piece from her.” Well, when I got to the bottom of the story all was revealed. I dared to speak to the wife and heard her side of the saga, even though she was the shy type who didn’t talk too much. It all boiled down to television… yes, TV.

He would regale me with tales of woe, saying “Imagine, she’s my wife and I can’t even get a piece from her.” Well, when I got to the bottom of the story all was revealed. I dared to speak to the wife and heard her side of the saga, even though she was the shy type who didn’t talk too much. It all boiled down to television… yes, TV.

It seemed that the man was an addict, hooked to TV morning, noon and night, and would watch everything as long as it flickered on the screen. He would watch sports as if he worked for the Olympic Committee or FIFA, he would watch movies, documentaries, music videos, talk shows, commercials and even infomercials. But it was sports that got his game and which got her goat.

As she said, “Anything with a damn ball in it, he’ll watch it.”

“Even ice hockey the man watches,” she continued, and lamented how he became so engrossed in the games that when she called him he was oblivious to her shouts. “The house could be burning down and he wouldn’t hear me,” she said. He even put a TV in the bedroom, and we all know what that does…it’s the death knell for sex; even in the best of relationships.

TV is said to be the best birth control pill. “How can I get in the mood for sex when he has his eyes glued to the damn TV screen all the time?” she fumed. He then expects her to become all romantic and lovey-dovey in-between football matches or in the lunch break of cricket matches. Can’t work.

This involved all sports, including American football, basketball, ice hockey, lacrosse, polo, lawn tennis, table tennis, volleyball and countless others. This continued for a while until they finally parted ways as the TV won. Imagine losing your spouse to the TV?

Another story of the other side is this situation where this man was always out and hardly spent any time at home. His wife would call me and ask if I’d seen him, or if he really was at work for those long hours, and even if he had another woman. He only went home late at night, had a quick meal, took his shower and went to bed, only to leave at the crack of dawn. No, her name was not Dawn.

She would curse and carry on and accuse him of all ills, but when I spoke to him, I heard the other side. She loved family, and not only loved them, but loved being around them and would bring them home. From they got married she moved in her sister and her sister’s children, plus other cousins. The poor man never had a moment’s peace.

The crowning glory came when her mother came to visit and has not moved out since. Events are planned without his knowledge and many times he came home to see functions being held in his house.

Now, her side of the story was that the man was never home and always found an excuse to be away. But I put it to you, folks, could you come home to that environment where there was no peace of mind and the cacophony of sounds, from screaming pickney to maddening mother-in-law, drove you crazy? As a last resort the poor schmuck found every reason to stay at work as long as possible, begging his boss to pile it on, plus he’d go elsewhere after he had finished.

“I just can’t stand it and it’s driving me crazy, plus every time we move house it’s like the great migration, as everybody pack up and move with us.” That’s one sad other side of the story and one which many men seem to experience.

Usually the contention and imbroglio between couples originate in the bedroom, and apart from finances, sex seems to be the biggest reason for marital discord. Not just the sex act, but the lack of it, the resentment that goes with it and the frustration. Remember, it’s not money that’s the root of all evil, but the love of money that’s the root of all evil. Same thing with sex, it’s not the act that causes the problems, but the lead-up, or lack of it.

My male friends complain that they don’t get enough from their wives, while the women counter by saying that the husbands are selfish and only want to gratify themselves. The men say that they have to work too hard to get it, but almost all the women who I spoke to told me that, “Sex is not just the physical act, but merely the culmination.”

My male friends complain that they don’t get enough from their wives, while the women counter by saying that the husbands are selfish and only want to gratify themselves. The men say that they have to work too hard to get it, but almost all the women who I spoke to told me that, “Sex is not just the physical act, but merely the culmination.”

“He doesn’t realise how important foreplay is, and that foreplay can actually start from when he left the house this morning and kissed me goodbye…on the lips…not on my forehead.” See what I mean by the other side? No wonder marriage counsellors do such a thriving business, especially in foreign lands where people don’t confide in friends so much.

Somehow people always confide in me and seek my approval for their behaviour. Up to last week this married lady gave me her side of the story why she stepped out on her husband of five years and had a fun-filled fling with a young guy. She even went as far as to say that it didn’t mean anything, but hubby is away for a year now and it was Christmas and chances are he was doing the same thing and yadda yadda yadda. She sought my approval for her side of the story. I am yet to hear his side, which I await with bated breath.

Many husbands complain about no sex while the wives say that the men are no good in bed. Both sides confide in me and I can’t tell either of them the harsh, real deal, for remember what happened to the cockroach in the fowl fight. I have learnt my lesson and know when to keep my mouth shut. Now you see what kind of pressure I’m under. No wonder I lost my Afro, and that’s my side of the story and I’m sticking to it.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: It’s so interesting how globalisation and the world’s macro economy and indeed Jamaica’s evolving economy have impacted our lives. Gone are the days when people stayed in one job for a lifetime, or even had only one profession or vocation. No longer are you, ‘Teacher Brown’, ‘Bank manager Smith’, ‘Chin the grocer’, or ‘John the electrician’.

Even doctors dabble in other fields nowadays. If you don’t multitask and diversify you’ll get left behind, as the days of the specialist are over. You have to jump around and learn new skills and go where the market is. Sometimes you even have to create your own market. No job is menial, no task too infradig.

Many people have left here, gone abroad, worked as gardeners, busboys, waiters and succeeded in life. There is dignity in honest labour. Tell that to your children. Speaking of globalisation, Italy has banned plastic bags; why can’t we?