THE newspapers and the electronic media have been full of coverage of the re-opening of the former Boscobel airstrip, now an international airport named in honour of the late novelist, Ian Fleming. There is no doubt that this prolific writer and creator of “Bond, James Bond”, the 007 man of monumental proportions, generated great international interest in Jamaica.

In modern days the Bond movies continue to command an almost fanatical following, and many international cable groups offer several “Bond marathons and weekends” each year. I don’t often miss these extravaganzas, especially as the visuals give a stark contrast of Jamaica then, and show the development of infrastructure around Port Royal, the Morgan’s Harbour Hotel, the Port of Kingston, the Caribbean Cement Company, the bauxite facility in Discovery Bay, the Liguanea Club and the area overlooking Chukka Cove.

In addition, many Jamaicans played cameo roles, notably Marguerite Lewars (a former Miss Jamaica), Charles Hyatt, and of course Byron Lee and the Dragonnaires. I therefore have no personal difficulty in the naming, and I hope that we would meet the approval of Ian Fleming as many try to restore the prestige of a really fabulous tourism product.

However, I could hardly stop laughing when I saw the forever supportive Jimmy Buffett (of Margaritaville fame) beside his private plane. I thanked goodness that his new aircraft has wheels, because on a previous visit he arrived in his seaplane. At that time it was mistaken as a ganja plane, and an overzealous policeman opened fire with his handgun as he stoutly protected his homeland. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, and the story ends with the more recent warm welcome.

So we start a tourism thrust to attract a high-end tourist that we had won in the past but lost through our own inability to sustain a good thing. We are seeking a new homecoming, but we have serious things to do to encourage repeat business. One such example is the road to the rafting on the Rio Grande that is entering decades of disrepair.

Now, the rainfall and terrain are serious challenges to adequate road maintenance, so perhaps an imaginative solution could be found such as putting in a cable car or ski lift to transport patrons from Rafters Rest up to the starting point. Certainly our bauxite companies have demonstrated sound engineering capabilities in building these. So a happy homecoming would be a double trip at an increased price with a pre-narrated airlift, and a truly Jamaican river experience!

Everyone could be happy and prosperous, especially the cruise passengers and the raft captains. The prospect of the nubile and buxom Jamaican women bathing in the river “au naturel” would resurrect even the swashbuckling Errol Flynn. At 500 rafts per day we could consider cutting down bananas and planting bamboo; what a bangarang!

I had promised myself that I would stop writing about Haiti, as everything I said has come true, and I did not wish to be labelled as a “goat mouth”. But I did not swear to this on a Bible at a commission of enquiry. So like the others I feel free to retract my previous utterances. So after the debacle of failed promises of aid and work, and reconstruction, a failed and flawed election, cholera, and more death, here I go again.

If the stench of death that surrounds Port-au-Prince was not enough to attract the vultures, the plight of the unfortunate has attracted them. Arriving in a “dark suit and a blue tie” via an Air France flight came ‘Baby Doc’ Duvalier. The man who succeeded his father ‘Papa Doc’ in a systematic exploitation of the poor nation, and who has spent the last 25 years in comfortable exile in France, is like James Brown “back on the scene like a sex machine”. Well, we all know who will be screwed again, don’t we?

This is not a happy homecoming, and the fact that he has some supporters speaks to the naked greed of sections of the Haitian population, and the belief that robbing the poorest nation in the hemisphere is ethical. I await the reaction of world and Caribbean leaders on this event. More importantly, the reaction of the Haitian private sector will be decisive in pointing a way to future joint venture agreements with regional and extra-regional partners.

Twenty-five years ago, his departure into what was described as “exile” was an occasion for joy, and I don’t know on what grounds the unilateral decision to end that holiday could be based. He has been charged for various crimes committed in Haiti, but his lawyers feel that the statute of limitations will be in his favour, notwithstanding the 25 years of luxury “holiday”.

I stand ready to learn diplomacy, as undoubtedly the next few weeks will bring out the ridiculous from the mealy-mouthed. Are you men or mice? please squeak up! Speculation is rife about the possibility of the return of former President Aristide, himself in exile. Well, based on the reputed powers of voodoo, perhaps we should resurrect all previous presidents and have a real homecoming carnival.

The next homecoming should have been the celebration of our gallant Coast Guard on their return from the short “conch war” with the Hondurans. Putting all fun aside and the loss of life that resulted, there are three sides to every story. We have heard our side, the Honduran side, and I posit a third.

The nature of conch diving is not without substantial dangers, whether using attached gear (air pump), or scuba tanks. The hours are long and fraught with danger, especially as there is no easily accessible decompression chamber. The Hondurans were doing this long before we copied them, and probably before many Jamaican fishermen could swim.

As a result, many conch exporters used Hondurans as surrogates or contractors in order to meet the quota allocations administered by the CITES convention. Conch prices in Europe were much higher than in the USA, and so “free-swimming conch” took on the nationality of the processing nation. Conch wars are not new among local players.

I used to look at the smaller conch boats and the flotation with which the divers were provided, and I used to wonder who accounted for the numbers that left and then returned. I imagine that when rough seas or coast guards arrived, many divers must have been left at sea, and many divers may have been taken by sharks. I suppose that these were risks that Hondurans were accustomed to, and that no sensible Jamaicans would “chuck off” into that hostile environment.

I watched the gradual build-up on Fridays of Jamaican women in Newport East awaiting the return of the Honduran boats, and the growing number of little “brown pickney” equally fluent in Patois and Spanish. Then I moved my office and lost contact with the international relations of the divers and their way of life.

So we may have encouraged them and now we urge retaliation in a way that will endanger good relations in favour of a possible retaliatory round of “gunboat diplomacy”. I wish for a happy solution to a standoff, largely generated by private sector greed on both sides.

I wish for happy and sweet homecomings to all, especially returning Jamaicans and repeat visitors who continue to share their love despite our obvious shortcomings. I hope you all enjoy the Jazz and Blues Festival.