IT is hard for me to remember anything about the Ward Theatre other than birds or bats in the tower and my motor vehicle accident with a garbage truck in front of that majestic landmark.

Seems almost paradoxical that both memories involve something that is annoying and flies, but that’s just the way my half a brain works sometimes.

Since Splash is paying tribute to the Ward Theatre, I tried to do some research on the monument so that my measly contribution could fit in. As my search on the Internet intensified, so did the reenactment of the brush with the cleaning machine. So I’m following my gut and trust me, there is a lot of gut to follow and write about that incident, highlighting historical facts as I go along, so that ‘Dear Editor’ readers at home and abroad wont lose step.

It is befitting that founder of the Ward Theatre, Colonel Charles James Ward, is the “nephew” in the company J Wray and Nephew, which provided the building funds since that was the purpose of my visit downtown to the country’s oldest and longest running bar located on the side road of the theatre on that fateful day October 16, 2006. Coincidence again since The Ward was handed over to the city of Kingston on December 16 1912. If I was a gambling woman and had this wealth of knowledge at the time of the incident, I would have bought ’16’ in Cash Pot, which also represents who I am… ‘young gal’, but I digress.

I got to the spot, which was introduced to me by Oliver Samuels, who has performed millions of times in this landmark, to hook up with my other bar denizens when a street person, my regular ‘watchie’, signalled me to an available parking spot. Now this is downtown Kingston people, where the powder blue performing arts building reigns supreme, but so do the city’s parking violation wreckers who will scoop your car up even if you are on your way back hurriedly with an explanation, so I was taking no chances.

The cobblestone paved area that denotes parking in front of the Ward looks regal in pictures, but can be a little tricky to manoeuvre when your car’s muffler has been dislodged, so I was hurrying to snag the spot cautiously. Out of nowhere comes the reversing garbage truck and rubs the front of my vehicle. I am sitting in the car miffed out of my mind. Who to cuss out first… the helpful ‘watchie’; the two idiotic sidemen or the truck driver? Decisions, decisions, I was thinking at the time, only to have my anger and my thoughts wiped from view when a cock-eyed man standing no taller than four feet hobbles hip-shodded towards me, claiming to be the driver. Why is he disgruntled? The truck had no more battle wounds on it than were there previously, wasn’t I the victim here?

Sweeter than that was, when he limps around to my window and almost pushes his entire head inside to enquire “Lady… yuh neva see me?” Laughing spoil! Firstly, I forgot about the dent because I’m now trying to focus on which eye to look into to see if he was serious. One of his eyes was wandering off towards the windscreen of my car and the other seemed to be admiring the architecture of the Ward’s now leaking roof. Of course the insensitive idiot within me quickly responds, “The question is… can you see?” He was not too pleased, and when I mentioned insurance he got even more irate. I kept waiting for Willie Wonka to come and claim his umpalumpa, but alas it didn’t happen. He got verbally abusive and I reached for several yards of fabric of my own and we went at it in front of the building that holds treasured historic memories of pomp and ceremony. Long story short, ‘Casty’ the driver, jumped into his truck and headed off when I got on my phone and pretended I was calling some friends from Matthews Lane. If only he had taken the time or possessed the ability, he’d see that the screen was completly blank because my phone battery was dead. I never made it to the bar on the lane beside the Ward that day, and I no longer own that car, but I’ll never forget that day full of theatrics at the Ward. Let’s see if we can restore it or build something grander in its place, after all two other theatres stood there before the Ward did. Tell me what you think elvachatalot@yahoo.com or follow me on Twitter @ElvaJamaica. Have a great weekend and keep an ‘eye’ open for garbage trucks.