You are my true and honourable wife,

As dear to me as are the ruddy drops

That visit my sad heart.

— Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, II, 1

Thy husband is thy Lord, thy Life, thy Keeper,

Thy Head, thy Sovereign.

— Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew, V, 2

THOSE words extolled the virtue of his wife as being true and honourable. And look who said it too, none other than Julius Caesar himself, the original big man.

But the second quote will not be loved by the ladies, and any man who dares tell his woman that had better be prepared to make his own supper and his own bed too. Well, back in those days, men ruled supreme over ladies, and a husband was the absolute potentate of his castle. Times have changed though, and the balance of power has shifted considerably.

This has not gone down very well with many men, and as a result, there is conflict. After all, back in the day, a man could do almost anything and expected no backchat from his wife. But with this rebalancing of the scales, this shifting of power, there is bound to be conflict.

Back then, women were forced to endure all that was thrown in their direction. Now they stand up and say, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore.” The marriage then breaks down, and it’s often blamed on irreconcilable differences. We’ll find out what these are right after these responses to ‘Letting go’.

Hey Tony,

As you know, William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet with the quote, ‘Parting is such sweet sorrow,’ by Juliet to Romeo, was temporary, and not as permanent as those women who won’t let go. Juliet was saying good night to Romeo (sorrow) and they would be seeing each other again the next day (sweet). As for those oils that tie, bind and hold, don’t those women realise that there are many other ways that will actually get the men to stay, like love, intimacy, affection, kindness, respect, good sex, and yes….good food.

Peter

Hi Teerob,

I do believe in letting go. If the man doesn’t want me, then why should I cling to him? Those women who won’t let go have no self-respect and very low self-esteem. No man is worth being desperate over. If he leaves, then so be it. Sure it hurts, but it hurts more to lose your dignity. Just let go and release yourself.

Sheila

When two people are in sync it can be so beautiful, delectable and wonderful. It’s as if their souls are joined as one. But sadly, it doesn’t always remain that way, and many couples part ways after a few years. Others take a much longer time.

Imagine being married for 30 or 40 years and then parting company. The experts say that it’s akin to losing a loved one. “When he left me after 25 years, it was like my relative had died, as the pain was so great.” In some cases the man simply finds a younger girl, in effect trading in his wife for a newer model. Rarely does a woman leave her husband for that reason. She may leave if he was abusive, and even then, many will stay and endure it.

So, apart from the cases of philandering spouses, there are other subtle reasons. In other instances, especially with those high-profile couples, they cite the reasons as irreconcilable differences. What the heck is that anyway? What problems are so great that they cannot be reconciled, solved, healed, so that the marriage can be salvaged?

I used to think that it was just a cover-up, and that people didn’t want to divulge what the real problems were. “So why you breaking up, him beat you, abuse you, have woman with you?”

“No, we just have irreconcilable differences, that’s all.”

Either that or they just simply wanted a way out, an excuse to fly the coop. I did my research and found out that irreconcilable differences do exist after all. Some seemingly simple things just cannot be fixed.

Anybody who has owned and driven an old car will know what I’m talking about. The car trundles along, then breaks down. So you fix it, but it pops down again, and you fix it again, but it breaks down again. A terrible cycle to endure, until you get so fed up that you just leave it at the garage, or park it forever and never pay it any more attention.

Some marriages are like that. A couple will be married for five years or more, and the man spends more time on the road than in the house. The wife speaks to him about it, but he refuses to change. This speaking turns to nagging, and then neglect. That’s a huge breakdown that no counselling can fix, as there is too much pain, resentment, hurt and anger. So even if they try to forgive, they cannot forget.

Incompatibility is another area, and many couples aren’t aware that they don’t match until it’s way too late. Do not take lightly what the Bible says about being unequally yoked. Perhaps he was blinded by lust, as she was so young, pretty and hot, that he just had to have her.

She, on the other hand, saw only what he had to offer materially, only to find out later that was all he had. In his case, all that glitters was not gold, and in her case, he had the gold, but nothing else, no glitter, no shine to his character.

His interest was business and cars, while hers was shopping and being a social butterfly. After a year or two, after the mega-wedding, it’s splitsville.

I know couples who cannot tell anyone exactly what is wrong with their marriage, yet they are grossly unhappy. The husband is not a bad man, he’s decent, responsible and caring…but still, she can’t stand him.

She, on the other hand, is a wonderful woman, yet he finds it difficult if not nigh impossible to speak to her. They are both good people, but just not good together. So after 11 years of marriage, they part company. He can’t find anything bad to say about her, and neither can she speak ill of him, yet, they just can’t get along.

Answers like, “He kept leaving the toilet seat up,” or, “She always left the toothpaste cap off,” were cited as reasons.

One huge factor that cannot be resolved is that of sexual incompatibility. The men may gripe that, dem ‘nah get nutten’, without wondering why. But if both of them aren’t in sync in this department, then the marriage is sunk.

In some cases the man complains that he’s being deprived, while in others, the wife says that he wants it too often, and she’s too tired. Take that same tired wife and give her to another man and see how she wakes up. Or take that same boring man and put him with another woman and see what a stud he becomes.

That’s why when this man peeped and saw his wife in bed with another man, he could only watch in awe, as he couldn’t believe that she was the same woman. If you ask racehorse people, they will tell you that different jockeys will get different results from different horses.

Whatever the reason, the outcome is the same, and the marriage crumbles, or becomes the walking dead. The walking dead, that’s a term a frustrated wife used to me about her marriage. “We look okay on the outside, but no one would know. We’re like an old tree that looks robust, but rotted inside.” As far as she’s concerned, it can’t be fixed, and she’s just going through the motions. Dead marriage walking.

It really saddens my heart when I see couples who’ve spent a lifetime together just pull up roots and part ways. If it’s a case of adultery, abuse or worthlessness, I can understand. But when they say that it’s irreconcilable differences, it almost makes no sense to me. “What did he do?”

“Nothing.”

“What did she do?”

“Nothing.”

“So why you parting after 30 years?”

“Irreconcilable differences.”

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Social media. There’s nothing social about it. Facebook, Twitter, What’sap, BB Messenger, and others give people the false impression that they have friends. “Oh, I have 5,000 friends on Facebook.” Let’s see how many of those friends will visit you if you’re sick. Friends who only know you from a few words on a computer screen. So-called social media not only consumes so much time in people’s lives, but they’re also losing the ability to grasp, read and write English.

“BTW, Hw r u? luk out 4 me. I 8 ur cake. LOL.” Students have even gone into exams and written that way. And we wonder why grades are falling. OMG.

Computers are fantastic tools, but parents should control what their children are doing and how much time is being spent. How about telephoning or visiting sometimes instead of tweeting? But then again, we may be too late. And by the way, if you want to be a real friend, pick up the phone and talk… or visit.