She will die,

If he love her not;

And she will die,

Ere she makes her love known.

— Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, 11, 3

She will also die if he doesn’t make his love known to her. Yes indeed, women like to hear those three little words, I love you, that have huge implications, above everything else. And perhaps the only other words that bring sweeter music to their ears are the other words, “Let’s get married.”

But guess what, even after the nuptials, those three little words, ‘I love you’, will rise again to the number one spot on the priority list of words that women love to hear.

The thing is, women love love. Oh yes, they love to love, love being in love, love to be loved, and just love anything that has to do with love. But even that is not enough. You would think that with all that love floating around they’d be satisfied.

Well, think again, for they want more. They most of all want to hear the words, I love you. So don’t talk about actions speaking louder than words either, that’s all well and good, but not enough. But if you want peace of mind and a happy woman, you’d better say I love you, for your own good. We’ll see why, right after these responses to ‘Temptation’.

Hi Tony,

Your column brought back the memories of temptations in my younger days. There had been many instances where women, knowing fully well that I was married, would virtually ‘throw’ themselves at me, but it was fairly easy to resist their temptation with the art of the easy letdown, or feigning ignorance. Nowadays I succumb to the temptation of pastries. I cannot walk near a bakery shop without leaving with a box of delicious sweets. Now I know how Adam felt biting into that apple.

Kirk

Tony,

As long as there are women, there will be temptation. And no, I’m not being sexist, but it is a fact that women have tempted men out of their money, their house, and their marriage. That’s why the best spies in wartime are women. Few men can resist the wily charms of a beautiful, classy, smart woman.

Julius

Teerob,

Temptation is a factor of our daily lives, and we are prey to it every day. But it is important, for it tests our faith. Only the strong will prevail.

Pastor David

I have this e-mail friend who lives overseas who asks for advice from time to time. After years of reading my column about men and women and what happens when they get together, I guess he trusts my judgement on matters of the heart. Oh boy, what a responsibility I have. Next thing I give the wrong advice and the man’s wife leaves him.

But seriously, he told me of his most recent experience that not only floored him, but got the cogs, gears, bolts and pulleys working overtime in my brain also. He’s married for five years now and loves his wife dearly. He shows it by being affectionate and doing little things for her from time to time. He thought he covered all the bases, but he was so wrong, as women have more bases than the New York Yankees baseball field.

The story is, he went on a business trip out of town and as usual kissed his wife goodbye and left in high spirits. While on the company bus, his wife called and they exchanged pleasantries. At the end of the talk, she said, ‘I love you, Honey.’ He replied, ‘Me too, Babe,’ and hung up. He continued on his trip.

After a very hectic business weekend, the man returned home, very happy to see his wife and kids, only to be greeted by a long face and few words from her. Clearly she was not a happy camper and made it known by her countenance. Thus began a week of the silent treatment and misery for him.

The poor guy said he had no idea what was wrong, until on day five she told him, “When I said I love you, you didn’t say I love you, back to me. I guess you couldn’t let your staff and friends hear you.”

“Teerob, I couldn’t believe it, but I was among my male colleagues and managers and felt kinda cute, that’s why. And she vex for that?”

Well, when I heard that story I couldn’t believe it either, and asked him if he was sure that he didn’t do anything else to tick off his wife. “Nope, that was my only transgression, my only sin,” he replied. I then had to do my research to find out the history and reasons behind this reaction from women, and why men don’t say those words too often in public.

Come to think of it, I have seen it in movies, where the man is on his phone at a football game and the wife says, ‘I love you’, and he mumbles it back to her so that his bredrin don’t hear him. He’ll usually say, ‘Me too, Baby.’ This goes back to boyhood days where young boys were taught not to show or verbalise their emotions too much in public. Very rarely will you see a young Jamaican man holding hands or kissing his woman in public.

Heck, it’s got so bad that they don’t even dance cheek-to-cheek anymore. Get them behind closed doors though, and see how he works his show. There’s even a song, “A woman is like a shadow, and a man is like an arrow. Never let a woman know how much you love her, for there will be no peace in your life…” As you can see, this phenomenon is real and more common than you would think. Now, some men will let the women know, but they won’t say it loud in public.

Is it a deep ingrained macho thing? Sometimes the men aren’t even aware that they’re that way, but just succumb to the base instinct of not verbalising their love in public. On a personal note, I can’t recall telling my late dear mother that I loved her, even though I loved her deeply. But she knew it. But that’s a mother. Other women want constant verbal reassurance it seems; they want more than action, they want words too.

It’s no point telling a woman that action speaks louder than words, she isn’t buying it. “But baby, remember the song, ‘Action, not a bag a mouth,’ remember how you loved it?” They want to hear the words spoken out loud.

Men, on the other hand, opt for the action. “My wife do everything for me, so I know that she love me,” men will say. But women want the action backed up by those three little words. Because of this, many young girls and women get duped, conned, tricked out of their underwear by men who realise that by saying those three little words, the portals of pleasure, the secrets of sensuality, the gates of gratification, will be opened for them.

“Man, I got the keys to the city. Just tell her say you love her and you gone clear.” Yes, many women yearn to hear the words I love you, and men exploit this. “Tell me you love me, tell me you love me….please.”

“Okay, I love you…now take off your clothes.”

For this reason, men will always say, “I love you” before sex, and women say it afterwards. In fact, many women insist on hearing it before they give in. Even USA singer Patti Austin sang about it, “Say you love me, don’t you know that I want to be more than just your friend…say you love me.” Women just don’t want to only feel loved, they want to hear it too.

So, to my e-mail friend who got into hot water for not replying to his wife “I love you” just because he was among his co-workers and friends, I suggest that he make it up to her. He can call her from a very public place and before she even says anything, say the words, ‘I love you.’ Now that’s a pre-emptive strike that will have pleasant results.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Our lack of history is most disturbing, especially in the younger generation who think that nothing happened before they were born. I saw this sports report on TV that featured an open water swimming (sea) race somewhere on the North Coast. The presenter proudly said that it was the first of its kind in all Jamaica. Hello, get your facts right please. Years ago there was the popular annual Cross The Harbour Race in Kingston Harbour that attracted hundreds of swimmers. It was quite a spectacle, until the harbour got too polluted and they discontinued it. Sarah Newland, now director of the YMCA, was a frequent winner of this gruelling race, even though she was born without legs. Truly remarkable. So guys, please, know your history before you talk about what is first. It’s only first to you. Research is so easy nowadays.