The isle is full of noises,

Sounds and sweet airs,

That give delight

And hurt not.

— Shakespeare, The Tempest III, 2

It’s quite possible that Shakespeare paid a visit to Jamaica at one time or another, for he certainly described us to the letter in that above quote. That description typifies how we are in this festive season of merriment — joy, sweet air, joyous noises and libations.

It’s the season of Christmas, and all I want to know is, how Chrissmus come around so quickly? Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that we were celebrating Christmas 2012, putting up trees, stringing lights, buying presents, partying and eating plenty food? At least that’s the experience of some people who were fortunate enough to enjoy those things. For others, it’s not so great for a variety of reasons… lack of money being one of them.

Still, Christmas is a time that affects so many people in this side of the world. For some it’s a happy time, for others it’s not. But what is true is that Christmas affects us all, even those who say they don’t believe in it. “I and I say bun Chrismus….but pass de ham and de cake fi de I.”

How rapidly the year has flown by, and Christmas is upon us again in a few days’ time. We’ll see the effects right after these letters dealing with ‘Women fantasise too’.

Hey Tony,

I think women should reveal some of their fantasies to their men so that they can be realised. Any man who cannot deal with the fantasies (and they are just that… fantasies) of their women, are basically insecure of their position in the relationship and perhaps of their manhood. I say, tell it to me and I will gladly take charge, handle and dominate and hackle the hell out of her.

Stephen

Dear Anthony,

Any man who doesn’t believe that women have fantasies is either an idiot or an egotistical jackass. The fact that we have brains that enable us to think and dream should be an indication that those dreams can take us to erotic places too.

But some men are so full of themselves that they think that they are God’s gift to all women, and that no woman can dare think or dream of any other man. I laugh at those men. Women may not show or express it, but we do dream of being taken by a hunk sometimes. Especially when we’re married to a wimp.

Karen

So it’s Christmas in a few days’ time and the season is in full swing. Who would believe that in a mere two days it will be Christmas Day? But it’s here, and it will come and go like all Christmases before it. No ghost of Christmas past will come knocking on your door, unless perhaps it’s that lady from your one-night stand last Christmas who finally found you and told you that you are the father of her three-month-old baby.

What has really changed though, is the real meaning of Christmas; at least for some, if not most people. There is so much emphasis placed on the commercial side, that many merchants try to lengthen the season by starting it oh so early. It starts earlier every year. Back in the day we’d have to wait until at least late- November to early-December before there were any hints of Christmas. Now, by August some stores are putting out teasers for sales.

I even heard a commercial advertising a Christmas in July sale. No wonder Christmas seems to come around so quickly, it’s because some people won’t allow it to go away and take a rest. “Me say, as Chrismus dun so, dem start advertise for de next one already.”

It’s also the time when many men go missing in action and there is a surfeit of de facto Christmas widows. Yes, indeed, many guys mysteriously disappear at this time, only to re-emerge in the New Year. Women who are involved with married men suffer from this at this time, for the man has to spend time with his family.

Waxing a little nostalgic, I remember that back in my youth, Christmas was so much about looking out for the children, and, of course, with a great emphasis on family. That still occurs in certain quarters, but in the main, it’s all about spending. Heck, the Bank of Jamaica even broadcasts the amount of money in circulation, and every year surpasses the previous one.

They do say that inflation accounts for some of this increase, but the bar keeps getting higher and higher each year. “The BOJ has announced that Christmas spending has surpassed the figure set last year of eleventeen billion trillion dollars.”

Shakespeare did say, “There is money, spend it, spend it, spend more.” Ironically, that was from The Merry Wives of Windsor. He also wrote, “I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse…the disease is incurable.” That was from Henry IV.

As usual, some merchants will admit that the season did them well, while others will complain that “It’s a slow season, sales aren’t moving and nutten nah gwaan. Is pure seller and few buyer and me goods nah move… people just a walk up and dung

and look.”

Everyone is selling the fanciest appliances that include smart TVs that are priced in excess of a million dollars. The TV may be smart, but I’m not so sure about the buyers, some of whom are still paying rent. One power surge and the TV get lick, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can never put it together again. But I must say, they are pretty to look at, so if you have a million in spare change, go for it.

The stores offer so many fancy deals, including no deposit down and seven years to pay off the cost. By the time you finish paying for the item, it’s old, outdated and ready to throw out. But the sales pitch is enticing.

So who spends more at Christmas, men or women? Most men say that women cannot be beaten in that department, as they not only spend more, but want more, demand more and expect more. You’d be surprised at what some women expect from men who they hardly know or just met. No wonder some guys head for the hills to escape those high expectations.

They also say that women always want to change up the house and buy new furniture… all because it’s Christmas, whereas most men couldn’t give a hoot about new furniture. “Why buy a new couch, Honey, what’s wrong with the one that we have now?” As for the bed, if some men had their way, they’d still be sleeping on coir mattresses.

Women have to spruce up the house, apply a coat of paint here and there, buy two dozen more cushions, get 10 new comforters for the bed, and change the entire living room furniture. That’s their joy. In contrast, just look at the faces of the men who go shopping with their wives at Christmas, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.

The women are in heaven, while the men have that sullen look of, “What the heck am I doing here… how will all this be paid for? I want to go home.”

Well, that’s where the banks, building societies and other financial institutions come in, as they have their Christmas loans, Christmas Nest Eggs or Christmas Baskets, just so you’ll have enough to spend at this time. If your partner draw is now, then you’re in Chrissmus luck.

Food is everywhere, and all who planned to go on a diet had better put it off until the New Year, for eating is the favourite pastime this season. In times gone by, I used to bounce around and feed off family and close friends, but over the past few years, my gourmet wife has decided to have us host Christmas dinner. I must say that I’m on cloud nine, for she’s a fantastic cook, and if I wasn’t in training all the time, I’d be fat as a pig.

Truthfully, in spite of all the hype and commercialisation, Christmas is my favourite time of year. I really do love this season. I love the way people treat people, I love the family and friends interaction, I love the overall atmosphere of friendship and caring. If only we could be like this all the time, but as the old saying goes, “Every day is not Chrissmus.” Have a great Christmas, my friends. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: We may not be a country involved in a physical war with another nation, but we might as well be. The enemy is indiscipline. This bitter enemy has taken over almost every aspect of our society, and seems to be winning.

It’s on our roads with the taxi and minibus drivers who continue to wreak havoc as their carnage continues unabated. They are a law unto themselves. But even pedestrians still continue to disobey the crosswalk signs and curse drivers as they do.

It’s also in our schools where students not only assault each other but teachers too. One even punched down a principal a few weeks ago. It’s in the workplace where workers do what they want and are untouchable.

Just look at how children talk back to their parents and treat them as they grow older. When did we get this way? Can we fix it? Hey, it’s Christmas, let’s lighten up and deal with it next year.