I know I am too mean

To be your queen,

And yet too good to be your concubine.

— Shakespeare, 3 Henry, VI, III, 2

WHO does a man prefer to be with, a queen or a concubine? Both are women, but one wields power in an obvious overt way, while the other has him by the gonads in a very subtle, covert, seemingly innocuous grip. Either way, he gets what the duck gets, and is a mere pawn in the game of love and romance.

So many men are under the illusion that when they embark on a relationship with a woman, that they are the ones who run things. After all, “Is man mi name, and man control woman.”

He’s in for a rude awakening, for women have tricked men into believing that falsehood for centuries. They play second fiddle to men, even though they are the ones who pluck the strings and play the tune. They act demure, shy, and coy, even as they rope in the man at the end of the line like the wriggling fish that he is.

Even from the outset, it’s the woman who allows the man to be with her, even though he thinks that it’s he who snared her. Think about it and you’ll see that from the beginning of the relationship, it’s the woman who’s in control.

We’ll find out who’s really in charge, right after these responses to ‘Expensive women’.

Hi Tony,

To be fair, no woman wants a ‘bruk pocket’ man. The average lady would like to be wooed by a real gentleman with some means, but not necessarily a rich man. The man who takes his girlfriend to Tastee for patties on a first date may have been a gentleman with little means at the time, but she saw something in him, perhaps ambition and drive.

These are some of the things the average woman looks for, and the average guy is lucky to find them, for true love has no price tag. I was one of those men with little means who was lucky to find the right woman at that time.

Desmond

Oh Tony, Tony, Tony,

Get wise to the world and the ways of women. Why should a woman who is blessed with assets that men desire give away her wares for nothing in return? The man knows what he wants, so he should spend to get it. That same man will pay a lot for a nice car, a lovely house, or a great vacation. So why should he not spend an equal amount for the love of a beautiful woman? You should know by now that there is no free lunch.

Senorita Mariposa

There are some men who are into subjugation, latent masochism, bondage, and whatever subservient role that makes them the weaker sex and, I daresay, turns them on. Other men frown on that sort of behaviour, as the loss of masculinity is at stake. But maybe there is a little bit of a masochist in most men, especially those who were mollycoddled and spoilt by their mothers.

That’s right, maybe many men do like to be subjugated by women and to be led around by the nose. That’s a different kettle of fish, but in the reality of serious relationships, it’s the woman who’s really in charge, even though the man isn’t aware of it.

I know this young man who recently met a very nice young lady, and they seem to have hit it off and have a good thing going. After about a month of dating, the lad completely turned over his life to her, putting her in charge of his day-to-day business, his domestic affairs, decorating his house, cooking his meals, running his life, and even getting him to do a mani-pedi for the first time in his life.

I looked on in wonderment at his transformation from a seemingly independent young man to a man who now has someone in charge. I asked him in her presence, “So, who’s in charge here?” He didn’t answer, but she wisely said, “Not me, he’s in charge.”

Now, that’s a smart woman who knows how to play the game, for from early days it’s she who runs things and, more importantly, she makes sure that he doesn’t even know it. Blissful oblivion.

Now, nothing is wrong with that, as long as it’s the right woman and not some money-grabbing wench who loves to control men. Most women have greater foresight and are more responsible than young men. I have seen it up close from very early, as I watched how my late brother, who was somewhat of a rambunctious free-spirited sort, was taken charge of by his wife who really steered him on the right track and made him into a more responsible person.

Some women really mould men in the right way. So if you have the right woman in charge, it’s much to the betterment of the man. Heaven help you if you get stuck with a tyrant though, for it’s akin to being in Hell, I’m told. Remember, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying, “Behind every great or successful man is a good woman.” Not to be misinterpreted to mean that women chase after successful men, but rather that a good woman helps to build that man’s success.

The French have a phrase for it; ’eminence grise’ to wit, the silent force behind the force. History has corroborated this, as many kings, presidents, prime ministers, emperor, had good women guiding them, advising them, and in essence, being in charge… silently.

For that very fact, many men do not make a radical important move without consulting with their woman first. So often we’ve heard men say, “Let me discuss it with my wife first before I get back to you.” Well, many may not actually say the words, as they don’t want to appear weak, but they do exactly that.

In most families, it’s the woman who sees to the everyday welfare of the children, buys the groceries, knows what clothes to purchase at the best prices, helps to choose where to live and how to fix it up nicely, and check on the schooling of the children. In essence, it’s she who runs the household and is she run things. Is it any wonder that so many men refer to their woman as ‘My better half?’ A man is lucky to have such a woman.

Now, the macho among us may scoff and say, “No sah, nuh woman nah run my life… me in charge.” Those are the words of men who are insecure and have to wield power to assert their dominance over women. I’m not saying that men should abdicate their responsibility and kowtow to women; after all, the man is the head of the household. That’s in the Bible, so don’t ramp wid it. But women are better at certain things, plus they like doing them, so why not let them be in charge of those areas? Now you’re going to accuse me of chauvinism, but facts are facts.

Who hires and fires household helpers; who knows what food to buy and where; who knows how to deal with the teachers at school; who knows where the best bargains are; who can economise and stretch a dollar, plus save a nest-egg? If you can answer with one word — woman — then you know who’s really in charge.

I’m sure President Obama takes advice from his wife Michelle, and he’s the first to say that it’s she who runs things. Eleanor Roosevelt was the force behind US President Franklyn D Roosevelt, especially after he got sick. History is replete with many examples of women who really run things. But again, I caution, make sure it’s the right woman, or a tyrannical reign of terror will rain down on you like lava from an erupting volcano.

Importantly though, make sure you don’t wimp it out and make her control everything so that you can’t do anything without her, for that can be disastrous.

Remember, in the bedroom, no matter how often a man wants it, it’s the woman who dictates when, unless he takes it by force. So who’s really in charge?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I must comment on our beloved Reggae Boyz who continue to give us heart palpitations. They did so well against powerhouses Uruguay, Paraguay, and Argentina in the Copa America Cup, letting in only three goals in their narrow losses. Then they defeated the USA and others on their path to the Gold Cup Final against Mexico.

Then came the World Cup qualifier against lowly Nicaragua where they floundered, losing 2-3 at home before rebounding to win 2-0 in Nicaragua. Why the drop in performance in the home match? My theory is low team morale. One disgruntled player walks out on the team then was reinstated and given playing time without any obvious sanctions.

Justice must not only be done, but appear to be done. What message does that send to the other committed players? Is it any mystery why five key players were absent at the same time? That’s just my theory. I could be wrong.