My words fly up,

My thoughts remain below;

Words without thoughts

Never to Heaven go.

— Shakespeare, Hamlet III, 3

That quote could very well sum up the actions of people who are always on their cellphones, as their words fly up to wherever, while their thoughts remain below. When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone — at least that’s what they say — little did he know that the device designed for communication would take over people’s lives in the way that it has.

Just an aside, but research has shown that Mr Bell didn’t really invent the telephone, but actually developed the finished product from other people’s ideas. But let’s give him the props for now.

The phone has grown, or rather shrunk, from that huge wired instrument that had a wheeled dial with holes in which you put your fingers to dial. It then moved to the push button variety and then to the mother of all phones, the cellphone. Oh what a gift to society, a godsend to those who love to talk, and a questionable curse to civilisation as we know it.

Ah, but to many, the phone is more than just a device to communicate with, it’s an appendage that’s attached to some people’s bodies, it’s a lifeline, a companion, a friend and a lover.

We’ll dial that tone right after these responses to ‘Beware the best friend’.

Teerob,

Whenever you see your best friend too chummy with your man, make sure that you ditch her. It may seem cold, but nine times out of 10, she has her eyes set on him and will not stop until she gets him. Sometimes it’s just a fling born of curiosity, but most times they’ll hook up together and leave you in no man’s land.

As you pointed out, history is full of those circumstances. I do have a best friend, yes, but I never take her home. We meet at work and at social events, but my man will never meet her. Call me paranoid.

Vanessa

Hey Tony,

Best friends have relationships, share secrets and every little thing that goes on in their lives. They may even share clothes, shoes, meals and intimacies in the bedroom. They will discuss the prowess or shortcomings of the husband in the bedroom. Real best friends do not betray each other, but with all this sharing, the ideal situation would be sharing the husband in a ménage a trios. Share and share alike. How civilised of the French to think of this.

Chantal

There is an instrument called the cellphone that has infected mankind like a virus. And like all viruses, it multiplies, regenerates itself, spreads rapidly, until it takes over its host. What initially started out as a communication tool has mushroomed into an implement that society simply cannot exist without. Many people think so.

No longer is a phone just a device to call, say hello, talk for a little while, then say goodbye. It’s much more than that. Now it’s also a status symbol, for you are defined by what phone you happen to own. “I have a BlackBerry.” “I own a Samsung Galaxy Smart Phone,” “I have a Nokia Digital with 4G.” “Sony Ericson here.” Heaven help you if your phone doesn’t live up to your status. “Imagine, look pon de big society man inna him suit with a little cheap phone.”

Some people are not satisfied with one, but have two devices affixed to their waists so that they can say, “Call me on my LIME/FLOW or call me on my Digicel… but call me.” Oh yes, call me is the catchword, for so many folks are sporting fancy phones but have no credit to make a call…. so “call me please”.

As for me, I have a BlackBerry that’s five years old that has never failed me. If President Obama can own a BlackBerry, then so can I.

As the Timex slogan goes, ‘It takes a licking, but keeps on ticking’. So many of those fancy expensive phones are so fragile, with the screens cracking and other ailments, but people still buy them, sometimes changing phones every few months when the new models come out. They simply must have the latest model with all the fancy bells and whistles.

Those phones do everything, more than a friend or lover can do. You should hear some people whispering to their phones. “Phone, tell me, what is the square root of 16 times 24, times 57.” “Phone, tell me, how do I cook lasagna?” See, better than a friend or a lover.

The phone has taken on a persona of itself, and has captured the hearts, minds and souls of many people. It has become their constant companion, their friend, their lover. They treat the phone better than those three entities combined. It never leaves their side, it’s never turned off, it sleeps with them every night. Very few people have friends or lovers who do that.

The phone is embraced and caressed in public with no feeling of self-consciousness on the part of the owner, and they’re always staring at it. I was so amused to see the full page photo spread in the papers a few days ago of about 15 of our political leaders in Parliament, heads buried in their cellphones. Closer than a friend, lover or companion can get, as they are seduced by that instrument. What next, a selfie in Parliament?

They say that people who live on their phones are ‘here’, but would rather be ‘elsewhere’. Remember the song, ‘Your body’s here with me, but your mind is on the other side of town’. Well, that sums it up.

People are lost without their phones. If they forget it at home, they will break their necks to go back for it, as they cannot survive even one day without their digital lover. It’s embraced during eulogies, fondled at funerals, caressed at the cinema, and groped at gravesides.

People are constantly on their phone. It’s the last thing they touch at bedtime and the first thing they feel for in the mornings. How many people can say that about their lovers? It was American actor Charlton Heston who said, while he was head honcho of the National Rifle Association (NRA), about giving up his firearm: “You will have to pry it from my cold dead hands.” Well, that statement could be applied to some folks and their cellphone.

But just like lovers and friends, people lose their phones, sometimes in the most bizarre ways. In some sad cases this loss is by violence, as people have been held up, maimed or even killed for their phone. Some parents signed the death warrants of their children when they gave them the most expensive phone to take to school. Instances of people walking on the streets, yakking away on their cellphones, only to be robbed of said devices, are always in the news.

I saw this news clip of a lady walking on the streets of New York jabbering away on her phone, when a speeding cyclist expertly yanked it from her grasp without touching her or without missing a pedal. It was poetry in motion, just like when an eagle swoops down and grabs a rabbit.

A thief though he may be, I could not but admire his dexterity, his nimbleness of fingers as he purloined that phone from the prattling princess.

People will part with their purse, but will not let go of their phones. Parents will pander to their pickney and purchase the most expensive phones for them, and even though the school has a ‘no phone’ policy, they will tell the child, “Cho, just hide it in your bag, teacher won’t know.”

Just like a clandestine lover, hide it behind the other person’s back and none be the wiser. What a friend and lover the phone has turned out to be. Women embrace it, caress it, while men boast about it. Teenagers worship it, and just like fickle lovers they change them frequently.

In the same way people show off their lovers, they show off their phones. And just like a marriage, they are bound to the phone until debt do they part, for they sometimes can’t afford to meet the monthly payments or can’t buy any credit. They chant, ‘My phone, my lover, my friend…. do not forsake me’.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: On a sporting note, I must once again address the issue of Mr Winston Nevers and his exclusion from the National Netball Programme. Coach Nevers is, without question, the most accomplished netball coach in our history. He has won more titles than all the other netball coaches combined. His most recent triumph was taking the hitherto unheralded RJR netball team to the finals of the Business League competition.

I understand that those ladies could barely hold a netball, much less throw it, before he met them. The injured MVP never played the game before. His exploits with the Jamalco and Windalco teams are legendary.The man is clearly a netball genius. And yet, he’s not a part of the national netball programme. Is it because he’s a man in a female-dominated sport? Is this reverse sexism? It defies logic.