Dear Career Advisor:

I recently participated in an online screening interview. The interviewers were both females who introduced themselves using their first and last names but did not say whether they were Miss or Mrs. They referred to each other by first names and addressed me by first name as well.

I was well prepared for the interview; I had researched the company and did not see any indication that there was an informal culture. I panicked a bit, wondering if I should ask them whether or not they were married, but decided instead to simply respond without directly addressing them. At the end of the interview, in thanking them I addressed them as ‘ladies’.

I am curious though; how should a lady be addressed in an interview or formal setting when you don’t know if she is married or not?

Yours truly,

Mario

Dear Mario:

Thank you for raising this issue which is of interest to many people. Commendations, as well, for preparing yourself for your interview.

I agree with you that it would have been awkward and inappropriate to ask the ladies whether or not they were married. Under the circumstances, the approach you took was reasonable.

An alternative approach would be to use ‘Ms’ along with their surnames. ‘Ms’, pronounced ‘miz’, is a neutral alternative to Miss or Mrs and is therefore an appropriate title to use regardless of marital status. Another option would be to refer to each lady as ma’am. I would discourage the latter as, in some cultures, it is seen as very formal and would therefore not be suitable for the interview setting which you described.

It appears, though, that your interviewers were trying to get you to be as comfortable as possible, hence their informal approach. This would especially be so if the workplace culture supports informal interpersonal employee interactions. This you might not have been able to detect from your research. It is possible that your not having adopted the posture they were trying to create may have been viewed as inflexible or even unfriendly.

A good tip to bear in mind for the future is the interview technique commonly referred to as mirroring. This simply means that you adapt or reflect the interviewer’s mannerisms and behaviours, within reason of course. Mirroring the positive aspects of the interviewer’s speech and body language helps to build rapport and connects you to the speaker. Using this technique presents you as an individual who is socially aware, adaptive and sensitive to the direction/ “flight of the ball”, or the needs of the interviewer.

Armed with the above information, you will do even better in your next interview. All the best.

Sincerely,

Career Advisor

Carolyn Marie Smith is associate vice-president of student affairs at Northern Caribbean University in Mandeville, Manchester. Submit your questions to her at careeradvisor@ncu.edu.jm