We are happy

In that we are not over-happy;

On fortune’s cap

We are not the very button.

— Shakespeare, Hamlet II, 2

Happy birthday to you, have a happy new year, enjoy a happy life, may happiness follow you all your days, don’t worry, be happy, put on a happy face. So much is said about happiness, and rightly so, for everyone should be happy. Indeed, it’s everyone’s wish to be happy, even bad people. Oh yes, some people actually feel happy by making someone else miserable.

Unfortunately, not everyone can achieve that goal, and as Shakespeare said, “O happiness enjoy’d but of a few, and if possess’d as soon decay’d and done, as in the morning’s silver melting dew.”

Happiness can be elusive and not experienced by many. Still, it is the pursuit of countless souls who yearn desperately to be happy. “I just want to be happy, even once in my life, that’s all.” But is it that simple, and why can’t more people enjoy that state? It can be as elusive as finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

We’ll find out what happiness really is, who achieves it, and how they got to that pinnacle, right after these happy responses to ‘Love or loss’.

Hi Tony,

Some asexual people do fall in love, and have sex, but that woman you described will never experience the ache of loving someone, nor a loving caress, a tender kiss that sends a shiver through your body, and lovemaking that makes you shudder from exploding orgasms. Even loving and losing, to paraphrase old William, is such sweet sorrow. Or was that parting is such sweet sorrow? Whatever.

Carol

Hi Tony,

I’m still in two minds about this loving and losing or never loving at all. I have loved and lost, and the pain that I felt was so gut-wrenching that I thought I’d kill myself. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, and certainly don’t want to go through that experience again. Would I have been better off never going through that anguish? I still don’t know, for the lows were low, but the highs were so high. I still have memories.

Elizabeth

Happiness is like a fluttering butterfly, they say, that you’re never able to catch if you keep on chasing it, but will gently land in your palm the moment you sit still. It is a promise that many people make to each other, but one that they really aren’t capable of keeping. “Come baby, be with me and I will make you happy.”

But no one can make you happy. Happiness has to come from within. Sure, they can make you miserable, but they can’t make you happy. That ball is in your court. Still, there are people who depend on others to make them happy but, as a result, they’re never, ever happy. “If I can find that special person, I’ll be truly happy,” they keep on saying.

But if you’re miserable with yourself you can never be happy, even if someone breaks their back trying to make you happy. What makes people happy though? Is it material things, buying that shiny new car, living in a mansion, having a great, high-paying job, wearing the fanciest clothes and jewellery, being with the prettiest woman in the world, or the world’s richest man?

Yet people who have all that and more still end up being so unhappy, oftentimes suicidal. So many times we see stories of wealthy movie stars or rock star millionaires committing suicide after being unhappy for many years.

People looking on often ask, “But why did he kill himself and he has so much money and nice things?” You can’t buy happiness. Nice trappings can make you comfortable and content, but true happiness cannot be bought.

A few weeks ago I was privy to the Annual GraceKennedy Lecture Series, where Dr Michael Abrahams was the guest speaker. His topic was the effects and dynamics of humour and laughter on human beings.

There he outlined the medical, scientific, emotional, physical and curative effects of laughter, humour, and overall happiness on people. It has been said before that laughter is the best medicine, and Dr Abrahams pointed this out in detail, as he showed with scientific evidence how laughter, humour and happiness actually play a huge part in people’s overall health and well-being.

So being happy does lead to better health. Just look at people around you who are always unhappy and see what state they’re in. Most are dull, dour, dreary, dank, dismal, depressed, distant, doubtful, disastrous. Isn’t it strange how the letter D describes so many negative words? Well, one exception is delirious, but I digress….er stray.

Recent surveys showed Norway to be the happiest country on Earth, with Denmark, Iceland and Switzerland rounding out the top four. Those European countries are so bitterly cold that I don’t know how people can be happy there. But we’re all different I guess.

They used criteria such as standard of living, health care, education and low crime rate as their measures. What’s ironic is that some of those countries have such a high suicide rate, especially among their young, which begs the question, if they’re so happy, why are they killing themselves?

The survey had Jamaica far down on the scale of happiness, but I beg to differ. In spite of all our crosses, trials and tribulations, I still contend that Jamaicans rank among the happiest people on the planet.

Somehow we still manage to laugh a lot, and even when we’re complaining and griping, we still seem to find humour and laughter amidst our trauma. No wonder we always say, “We can tek bad things and mek joke, eh?” Laughter can be such an uplifting force, as Dr Abrahams outlined in his presentation. Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.

On a personal note, there are two people whose laughter lifts even the most dismal situations. One is Emily Shields on her radio call-in programme, and the other is my dear wife. Those two persons have a laugh like no other, as it comes from deep within and can be heard for miles. Well, not miles, but from really far. I thought my wife could laugh like no other, but Emily comes close. It’s like the beautiful pealing of bells, and is the kind of hearty laughter that lifts the spirit of anyone.

And yet, there are people who hardly or never, ever laugh. People who are unhappy rarely laugh, yet ironically, there are persons who are unhappy who make other people laugh. Many comedians suffer from depression, as singer Smokey Robinson sang in that hit song,

Tears of a Clown.

Smiling in the crowd I tryBut in my lonely room I cry,The tears of a clown.

Smiling in the crowd I try

But in my lonely room I cry,

The tears of a clown.

I will always remember the story of Grimaldi, the famous Italian clown who made everyone laugh. Whenever people were down and sad, the recipe from the doctor was, “Go see Grimaldi, he will make you laugh.” Until one day a man approached the doctor, baring his sorrow before him. When the doctor advised him to go see Grimaldi, the response was, “Sir, I AM Grimaldi.”

Happiness can be a simple meal, having a good, loyal friend, being content with your lot, looking on the bright side of life, thinking positive. Does seem like a tall order huh? No wonder only a few people actually achieve happiness. So much stress, yet being happy and laughing a lot have been proven to relieve stress. Easier said than done, you’re now going to say.

For some, happiness is spending time at the bar drinking alcohol and feeling sweet. For others it’s taking drugs, but in reality all that they are doing is masking their unhappiness. They seek that high, but come down to a new low when the effects wear off.

For others, happiness is having sex with as many people as they can. Hey, that can be pleasurable, especially for young men sowing their wild oats, but the risks are so great nowadays that a moment of perceived happiness… make that pleasure, can result in a lifetime of misery. “Chicken merry, hawk deh near,” is the old Jamaican saying. It’s not true happiness, and that’s why they keep seeking the next, and the next, and the next.

Others seek it in church but I must tell you, some of the most dismal, depressing people I know are steeped in religion. They’re always in the doldrums, down, declaring doomsday, darkness, destruction. Those Ds again.

Do what Bobby McFerrin sang, “Don’t worry, be happy.” Bob Marley said it too, “Don’t worry ’bout a thing, cause every little things’s gonna be alright.”

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: School spirits run high this time of year, especially with Schools Challenge and Boys’ and Girls’ Championship in the air. I applaud school spirit, and I have great sympathy for those bland souls who cannot appreciate it. Many look at Calabar and KC and simply cannot understand the strong school spirit that these schools exhibit, especially KC. When your school achieves greatness in many areas, it’s almost impossible not to be smitten with great pride. This translates into high spirit. Some accuse the KC fraternity of being like a cult, as the spirit is so overwhelming. But all I can say is, they just don’t understand. Only if they attended that institution would they appreciate that feeling. Respect it, but don’t knock it.