Dear Editor,

Allow me to engage the imagination of your readers as I exercise my artistic licence to show you what it would be like if the cultural institution of dancehall was a Jamaican high school.If the institution of dancehall were a high school, Tanya Stephens would be the controversial girl with a lot of male friends. Likewise, in public, Ishawna wouldn’t have a lot of male friends because she seems cool.Popcaan would be the annoying one who’s always saying “yooooowwww” in response to the teachers.Alkaline would be the troubled introverted student that no one really knows what’s going on with him.D’Angel would have a rich boyfriend and the Potential Kid would get expelled in seventh grade on the first day of school because teachers speculated that he may cause trouble for the rest of the year.Matterhorn would be the one who everybody always telling to “shut up!”Ninja Man would be that student who’s been there the longest, though in eighth grade, because he is an “asset” to the school.Vegas and Lady Saw would always take devotion.Sky Juice would reach the canteen before everyone — if he could beat me to it.They would call Movado “Scarface”, and call in Ricky Trooper’s parents. Because of his public behaviour, there would be school trip.If dancehall were a Jamaican high school, Macka Diamond, Ishawna, Yanique and Spice would always hang out every day.Kartel would be the one whom the teachers already marked off the class register, but he is still at school every day.Buju Banton would always skip classes and have a logical reason why teachers would find him under a tree.Flippa Mafia and Elephant Man would drive their brightly coloured cars to school and park it in full view of everyone on the playing field.Ding Dong would always want to go Navy Island or Lime Cay when school is about to go on holiday.Shaggy would always be given the responsibility to organise the school fund-raisers.Luciano would have no friends.If dancehall were a Jamaican high school, Bounty Killer would be that one boy all the males would think is ugly, but he gets all the love from the girls because he can knock the desk in a perfect rhythm and DJ the best lyrics. Beenie Man would always be his competition and also a yearly favourite to win JCDC Festival gold medals for best performer in the island.Lastly, if the institution of dancehall were a Jamaican high school, Rankin Pumpkin would be the foreign exchange student who always complains to the principal that she is getting bullied, only because she can’t understand the Jamaican language and mistakes it for aggression. Students would be surprised at her claim and wondering when did they bully her. And some would even ask how she got into the school. 

Donovan Watkis

Kingston 10

coloringculture@gmail.com