No, I’ll not weep,

I have full cause of weeping;

But this heart shall break into a hundred thousand flaws,

Or ere I’ll weep.

— Shakespeare, King Lear, I, 4

Weeping often follows a break-up. Women shed copious tears when they realise that the relationship has come to an end, the dream is over, while men may exercise a modicum of decorum, remain stoic, maintain a stiff upper lip, as they remain resolute.

That is until they crawl off into a corner and bawl their eyeballs out. “Stella, Stella, why did you leave me and gone, Stella?” Remember when Kenny Rogers sang, “You took a fine time to leave me Lucille.” For many couples it may come as a surprise, but should it really?

How can you be involved with someone for many years and not see the writing on the wall, the tide going out, the dark storm clouds on the horizon, the approaching exit signs? Oh yes, every good highway has its exit signs or we would never know when or where to get off. Without them we would be driving aimlessly forever into oblivion, with no purpose in sight, wasting our time, gas and resources.

Come to think of it, that’s the fate of many couples who refuse to acknowledge the exit signs in their lives. We’ll see what these are, right after these fulfilling responses to ‘Food for thought’.

Hi Tony,

I believe that people should have the right to eat pretty much anything they want to eat, provided it is done legally. Most vegans are normal except for their dietary choices, but there are some who are downright militant, whose veganism preaches the saving of animals and oppose the use of animals for any purpose. I believe the good Lord put animals on Earth to serve man. While in my old age I try to cut back on red meat, all others are fair game.

Xavier

Hello Tony,

Lord Buddha did not set strict rules for Buddhists to be vegetarians. Moderation is the key. Consume your food in moderation, whatever is available. I like your style of choosing topics; whenever you drop paint on canvas, it becomes a collectable painting.

Thein

There shall be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth are words from the Bible. But I’m sure that the good book wasn’t referring to what happened when couples broke up — when one partner decides to end the relationship, call it quits, walk out, say that it’s over. This has caught almost everyone who decided to get involved with someone else. It’s all good until it comes crashing down.

“I see you weeping and wailing, but no gnashing of teeth; how come?”

“My girl left me and dash away my dentures through spite.”

The reasons for parting ways are varied — boredom, frustration, ill health… yes, she got sick of his bad ways, or maybe the relationship simply ran its course. Everything has a life span, and that includes relationships too.

Some people refuse to accept that though and cling to the notion that their involvement should last forever. Sometimes one person just wants out as the relationship has run its course. Sometimes both parties want out but are afraid to say so, and instead live in misery and rancour for the rest of their miserable lives.

I remember one day this man packed his bags, looked at his woman and simply said, “A dream has ended.” She never saw him again. Sometimes it’s to escape an abusive relationship, or maybe he simply got tired of having sex with the same person, over and over and over, with no variation at all. Maybe another person entered the picture, and we all know what effect that can have on a relationship. “So, you see somebody else who you like, eh, and leaving me? Well, it nah go suh.”

Whatever the reasons, they do not matter, as that’s not what we’re looking at today. Instead, we’re going to examine the indicators, the exit signs that are always there, but what many people refuse to acknowledge even when they’re staring them smack dab in the face.

One sure exit sign is when the talking stops. Now, not everybody is talkative, but when you have a couple that chats incessantly about any and everything, and then the verbiage peters out to a mere piddling trickling stream, that’s a sure exit sign.

“So, how was your day?”

“So so.”

“Anything interesting happen?”

“Not really.”

After days, weeks, months of that, until both parties just sit there and not say a word to each other for hours, you know that’s a sure exit sign.

“We never speak anymore, we have nothing to say to each other. What should I do?”

“Get the hell out of there, it’s over, it dun.”

The biggest exit sign, though, looms large, and I’m sure you all know what it is — sex, or at least no sex. When it wanes, slowly draws to an occasional few minutes every eight months, or stops completely, that’s an exit sign. The irony is, if the woman doesn’t want to anymore, it’s often accepted. After all, it’s the woman’s prerogative to refuse sex, but if the man loses interest and can’t be bothered, all hell pop.

“So, you nuh want me again; you have smaddy else?”

Now, I’m not talking about old people who either don’t, for whatever reason, such as old age, or can’t, for health reasons, but rather young, vibrant couples who simply do not have sex anymore. Usually when the man loses interest in his woman, no matter what she does to arouse him, her first instinct will be to say, “Oh, you must be getting it from somebody else!” That may very well be true, but whether he’s getting it elsewhere or just doesn’t want it anymore from his woman, it’s a sure exit sign. Take the next left and leave the highway because it’s over.

It may not be that drastic or obvious, but the subtle signs can just be as ominous. For example, when she refuses to make long-term plans with her man, that’s a sure sign.

“Honey, let’s go away to Sandals for Christmas, nuh?”

“That’s five months from now. I can’t plan so far ahead, let me think about it.”

Think about it… a trip to Sandals? If she has to think about it that’s a sure exit sign. She doesn’t see them together for much longer. There will be no long-term plans, no future decision-making, just the here and the now. As for children: “Let’s have a baby nuh?”

“I don’t think so, not with you.”

That’s a sure exit sign, so get the hell out of Dodge, for it’s almost over.

When friends become more important than you, then that’s a sure exit sign. A year or two ago you were both inseparable, but now everything is about her friends, never you. “Susan and I are going to the movies, then brunch on Sunday, then we have a baby shower Tuesday evening, and then ladies’ night on Friday.” Dude, can’t you catch the rake? She’s making you redundant in favour of her friends. Heed the signs.

The same applies to work. Now, it’s been said that work is the curse of the drinking class, but that’s humorous and tongue in cheek. But work is also the curse of many relationships. In some cases it’s truly a legitimate reason, but in other instances it’s merely an excuse to stay away. It’s a sure sign that he or she would rather be at work rather than be with you.

“He leaves the office at midnight and is back at six in the morning — so dedicated.” It’s not dedication, it’s a sign that he’d rather be at work then be around her. That’s a sure exit sign.

So whether you care to heed them or not, whether you choose to wake up and smell the coffee, see the forest for the trees, smell the roses, just make sure that you see the exit signs before they smack you in the face. If not, you’ll be travelling a long time on the lonely highway and won’t know when to get off.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I cannot believe that in this day and age, in the year 2018, there are still discussions going on about wearing certain hairstyles in schools. The most recent brouhaha involves the allegation that a school has refused admission to a young girl because she wears locks. I couldn’t believe it when I heard the news story.

Locks are perfectly natural hair, and I wonder if the child was white and wore locks whether we would be having the same discussion. There are many white people who wear locks. I remember years ago many people were against locks-like looking braids, until white actress Bo Derek wore braids adorned with beads in the movie 10. After that the style became the rage and was sported by all and sundry. When are we going to grow up? Bob Marley sang about mental slavery, but his words are lost on many.