From anxiety and depression to physical ill-health, these are just some of the effects that a breast cancer diagnosis can have on its victims’ loved ones.

Consultant General Surgeon at the Kingston Public Hospital (KPH), Dr Anthony Roberts said family members of cancer patients are greatly affected by the cancer journey and the impact can be enormous.

“They often feel completely helpless in stopping the cancer from progressing. Not only are they dealing with their own grieving process, of accepting what is happening; but, they also must manage the emotions of the individual suffering with breast cancer and their acceptance of the journey,” he explained.

That has been the reality for 45-year-old Denise McDonald Whyte, whose mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer in 2016. Her mother, Pearline Peart, 59, was one of five breast cancer warriors who revealed her story, as part of the JN Bank’s Power of Pink campaign.

Whyte described the journey as “devastating.”

“It has been rough. I wouldn’t wish this on my own worst enemy. Two years after my mother’s diagnosis we are still struggling to cope. It affects you in every way possible, emotionally, spiritually, financially…it has not been easy,” she related.

The St Ann native said she was the first person to get the news about her mother’s diagnosis. “It was the worse news one could possibly get from a parent. I broke down. I even questioned God, but I didn’t let my mother see any of this, because I had to be strong for her.”

“I remember one night after starting treatment she became violently ill. She was weak and vomiting. That was when the reality that my mother may die hit me and I just lost it.”

Whyte, who is a devout Christian, said she went on her knees and cried to God to save her mother. “I said, ‘God, you cannot take her from us. Not like this, not yet. She’s everything to us’.”

As the eldest of three daughters, Whyte has been the ‘cornerstone’ for her family, ensuring that she supports her mother throughout her illness as well as providing words of comfort to her two younger siblings and other family members.

“I felt like I was in the middle and I couldn’t show that I was in pain, or that I was hurting, as I had to be strong for everyone.”

The mother of two said the ordeal took a toll on her own family life, admitting that, for weeks she felt alienated from her husband and her own children.

“I couldn’t eat and many nights I didn’t sleep,” she revealed. But, despite all of this, Whyte said she remained a source of support for her mother.

“My two sisters and I worked together to ensure that someone was always available to accompany our mom to her appointments. I had to travel with her to see her oncologist in Montego Bay and when she was admitted in hospital, I was there with her every morning prior to going to work and every evening after work.”

Watching her mom lose her hair and become almost unrecognisable, as she moved from more than 140 pounds to almost 90 pounds was also devastating for the family, and something confusing for the children to understand.

Whyte said that financially, it has also been challenging. “To be honest, right now we are broke. We have spent millions of dollars on treatment. We have pooled our funds together, as a family, to pay for the treatment. Fortunately, my mother has insurance, but it doesn’t cover most things. My mother, who is an entrepreneur, has used pretty much all of her savings on tests, medication, surgery and other forms of treatment.”

Whyte said she has since taken over her mother’s small business, as she is now only able to work twice a week. “We want to do everything to reduce her stress level, as she is still undergoing treatment.”

Ricardo Williams, whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, shares a similar tale of anxiety and fear.

“One is constantly fearful, because you never know what might happen. It’s like a roller coaster as you move through a cycle of tests, treatments, and more tests, you experience an emotional cycle of hope, discouragement, and frustration,” he stated.

Williams, who is Head of Branches at JN Bank, said his aim is to never let his mother see him breakdown, “because she is leaning on me for support.”

He revealed that while he is a source of strength for his mother, he often looks to his friends and family for encouragement.

“My close friends, my father and siblings have been towers of strength and a great source of comfort. My other three siblings and I lean on each other, especially financially, as we have to pool our resources to finance the treatment for our mom.”

He encouraged people who are facing a similar journey to take care of themselves, so that they can be more present for their loved one.

“This is not an act of selfishness. Taking better care of yourself with adequate sleep, nutrition, and exercise allows you to be more present for your loved one,” he advised.