Thanks I must you con

That you are thieves profess’d,

That you work not in holier shapes:

For there is boundless theft

In limited professions.

— Shakespeare, Timon of Athens, IV, 3

It’s a long time that this con game has been going on — scamming, stealing, boundless theft as Shakespeare said. But call it what you will, whatever name you give it, ripping off other people will always be with us.

What’s weird is that stealing transcends all social and economic strata — for the poor, the middle class, and the rich all steal. Even the mega rich steal. The poor steal because they’re hungry, the middle class purloin because they want better than they have, and the rich and mega rich misappropriate simply because they’re greedy.

As varied as the people who steal, so are the different ways that theft takes place. Some people pick pockets, others engage in simple larceny, hold-ups, housebreaking, swindling, fraud, and of course, scamming or conning.

That’s my focus today, the art of taking money and goods from other people by using the most beguiling, artistic, delicate, treacherous, non-violent way possible…the con.

We’ll find out more, right after these rambunctious responses to ‘Boys will be boys’.

Hi Tony,

Boys, girls and adults will push the envelope with bad behaviour if they are convinced that they will get away with it and, even if found out, will not suffer any consequences. I recall half-a-century ago as a boy, we did silly, bad things because we thought our parents would never find out. We stopped that behaviour when we were almost caught by an angry aunt who chased us down the street. The elephant with guidance and consequences matters.

Victor

Hi Tony,

Your column provided interesting reading. I have held my peace over the issue because I did not want to join the others against high school sports. The question I have been asking myself is, ‘Why am I not hearing the voices of the parents who value the future of their children over the value of those who only value the trophy?’ Why hasn’t some PhD candidate done their thesis on the effects of sports culture on the development of high school students? Principals are not empowering their teachers to command respect. That is why the students felt they could behave as they did in a place that should command reverence.

Monacia

They say that life imitates art, and they are mostly right. There is a song by my all-time favourite female singer, Randy Crawford, titled Rio De Janeiro Blues that I’ll share with you shortly. It’s truly a wonderful, artistic work, albeit a poignant song that tells the tale of someone whose heart got broken in Rio, Brazil. Ah Brazil, that exciting, football-crazy country with exotic, beautiful women who will knock the socks off beguiled men.

Those women have an artistry of their own, and a charm and desirability that titillate the sensibilities. Men have been known to visit Rio for premarital bachelor parties and call off the wedding after meeting these women. Now, remember what I said about life imitating art.

Well, if I wasn’t privy to this story I would not believe it myself, but truth is indeed stranger than fiction. A very good friend of mine was prey, as he fell into the hands of one of these Brazilian beauties and was duped and deceived all the way from Rio. What is even more astonishing is that he refuses to see the scam.

The story is so bizarre that I have to share it with you, but I really hope that that he doesn’t see it from where he lives in the USA. Follow me now. He’s a prominent physician in his 70s who professes to be in love with a beauty from Rio who is 30 years old. They met online and have been corresponding for a while.

Naturally, she sent ‘pictures of herself’ and looks like Miss Universe, he says. He is smitten and definitely wants her to be his bride from Brazil. Of course, she wants to marry him too, but her mama is a part of the package. Where she goes, mama goes.

First, she cried that she needed a bed because hers got damaged by flood waters and if he could please send some dollars to replace it. Heck, what’s a lovesick man gonna do but replace that bed? After a few weeks and a new bed, she sent a photo of her bandaged leg and requested that he send some dinero to pay the medical expenses.

You’d think that her story didn’t have a leg to stand on, but she got the money. Sadly, a few weeks after, he received a phone call saying that her sister had died after being mugged, and funeral arrangements would have to be made. Ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching, goes the cash register.

Shortly after, more tragedy struck as her mother who was supposed to accompany her on her trip to the USA also upped and died. “Pappy, please, I don’t know what to do, I am so sad, I cannot afford to bury dear mamacita.” Ka-ching, ka-ching.

Anyway, even with mama gone, she would still make the trip if her cousin could come with her. So she takes a flight from Rio to the USA. No, no, no, hold on, she didn’t get to leave Rio, didn’t make the trip, as bad weather forced the flight to be cancelled. So she and her cousin went back home. I wonder who paid for those airline tickets?

‘The clouds come a-creepin’ and you got me weeping this moment

I can’t believe you’re really gonna leave this town

Everyone knows I can’t make a move without you

You’re turning my whole world upside down

And I got a feeling that I’ve seen the last of you

Rio De Janeiro Blues’

So they continue to correspond, for he loves his ravishing raven from Rio. After a few weeks she attempts to make the trip again, along with her cousin of course, because ‘she loves him’ and wants to ‘live happily’ ever after. “Pappy, I will clean your house and cook for you, because I love you,” she gushes.

He awaits her arrival to the USA. But there’s many a slip between the cup and the lip, and Brazilian lips are seductive and slippery. Horror of horrors, Miss Rio is ‘denied entry’ to the USA and turned back at the airport by immigration. He will not get to see his bride-to-be from Brazil, Romeo will not see his Juliet.

It gets worse. Upon her return to Rio, while leaving the airport, she and her cousin are pounced upon by bandits and mugged. She is killed in the attack but her cousin manages to escape. I really hope you’re following all this keenly for, believe me, you can’t make these stories up.

So the cousin calls him weeping, “Your fiancée, Miss Rio, is dead. Now I have no one to take care of me; I will soon be kicked out of my apartment, you are all I have now.” Kaching, kaching..

‘Months go by, I wonder why I’m left here on my own

Could it be my destiny is to live this life alone

These dark and rainy days have turned me cold

Long and sleepless nights getting on

And I got a feelin’ that I’ve seen the last of you

Rio de Janeiro Blues’

Now, I put it to you, what do you think of this wild and fanciful tale of love, tragedy, trials, and tribulations? If you were that man, what would you think? Can you actually believe the gullibility and naivete of this educated man who still refuses to see the scam for what it is? But love is blind.

There’s no fool like an old fool, and as American showman PT Barnum once said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Sucker, of course, means gullible chump, easy mark, eediat who believes anything.

If someone told me this story perhaps I wouldn’t believe it, as it sure stretches the boundaries of all imagination. But like I said, I am privy to it and got it from the horse’s mouth. They say that you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but a jackass is a completely different animal.

Rio De Janeiro Blues is real, and even while some Brazilian bombshell and her family are living it up in Rio, some poor sucker is singing the blues in the USA. Rio de Janeiro Blues.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Scamming and conning are serious businesses and affect many people. I recently saw on US news where a retired New York cop got conned out of over US$20,000 by a scammer who told him that a relative of his was in trouble and needed funds for him to be released from lock-up. You would think that an ex-cop would know better. When it stares you in the face and all the red flags are raised in your mind and you choose to ignore them, then you only have yourself to blame. It’s even worse when some person over the Internet, whom you’ve never seen, scams you out of thousands of dollars. This type of fraud surpasses billions of dollars annually. Don’t be a fool.