King: But now my cousin Hamlet, and my son

Hamlet: A little more than kin and less than kind.

King: How is it the clouds still hang on you?

Hamlet: Not so my Lord, I am too much in the sun.

— Shakespeare, Hamlet

A little more than kin, and less than kind, is the terse and testy remark from Hamlet, cousin to the king. See, even kin of royal heritage have their problems too. Which only goes to show that all families have their friction, follies, feuds.

Well, not all, but most certainly do, and royal families throughout history have shown that they are just like regular people, if not more so, when it comes to having family squabbles and crosses, sometimes with devastating results.

It’s often said that it’s better to have good friends rather than family, for at least you can choose your friends, but family, you’re stuck with. I count myself as being very fortunate to have been blessed to have grown up in a wonderful family, close and extended.

We were surrounded by teachers as my mom and my aunts were of that profession; plus postmistress, uncles and cousins who were principals of schools; parsons, doctors, lawyers, bank managers, engineers, bus conductors. A varied mix that possessed one thing in common — integrity.

They were by no means perfect but we were a tight-knit unit that always looked out for each other, courtesy of the grandparents who instilled old-time values that were passed down through the generations.

I really looked forward to spending time with kith and kin in the rural country, relishing those summer holidays running up and down in the bush taking in nature. A cow chased me once, and that’s no bull either, but such were the impactful memories of an extended family on a small child…unforgettable experiences.

Family reunions were a highlight of the year, but alas, as time ebbs, they have gotten smaller due to the natural order of life from birth to departure. The point is, family life can be beautiful and rewarding if you have the right family. But it can be hellish if it’s filled with crosses and feuds. Family feud, that’s my line today, right after these responses to ‘Husband’s handbook’.

Hi Tony,

I recall way back in the day that couples who planned on getting married in the church were required to have counselling sessions with the pastor prior to the wedding. The pastor would provide instructions on the dos and don’ts for a successful marriage and perhaps provide references to the Bible to supplant his teachings. I never attended any such sessions and never spoke with anyone who did, but I think it’s a good idea as a husband handbook should be required reading before every marriage.

Carlos

Teerob,

Husbands do not need any handbook as every wife makes it her duty to try to teach and mould the man into exactly what she wants him to be. No matter what type of man she gets, she makes it her unending task to change him. A wife is a husband handbook.

Kirk

I mentioned my family not to boast or brag, but to give thanks and be grateful for the family that I was fortunate to have grown up with and be exposed to. Our life is moulded by dint of birth, it has been said. Sadly, the good fortune of having a wonderful family cannot be said of many persons who are exposed to families that offer nothing but rancour and discord.

Family feuds usually involve different families fighting against each other. Who remembers the infamous feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys that lasted for decades in the USA and involved kidnappings and murder? It’s now a part of American folklore and has been made into movies and chronicled in books. How it all began is still a mystery, but they fought worse than puss and dog for many years, with the dispute even ending up in the US Supreme Court.

That’s different. It’s when the family war is among the family members that it’s disconcerting, damaging, debilitating and devastating. From birth to death, it’s nothing but quarrels, jealousy, envy, badmind, spite, malice and even murder – right within the family. People who are exposed to this naturally assume that it’s the norm, for that’s all they know.

Brother fights against brother, sister against sister, mother against daughter and sons against father. As for the cousins, they are like foot soldiers in a war zone. The Bible speaks of this: ‘And a man’s enemies will be the members of his household, they will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’ A house divided cannot stand.

Now, I am not waxing evangelical here or blustering biblical, but the harsh truth is, we are seeing a level of family conflict nowadays that is more than concerning. Okay, we always had the family feuds brought on and fuelled by land and property disputes. Everyone wants a piece of the pie and is willing to kill or die for it as they claim what they believe is rightfully theirs.

“Aunt Madge left that acre for me and nobody else. Put one foot pon it and I chop it off.”

Very often these disputes lead to machetes being brought into play and nuff “chop up” take place, all over “dead lef’ ” land that fuels family feuds. That still happens to this day, but what is even more pervasive are the acts of brother killing brother and even mothers killing sons over virtually nothing.

People, I had only one brother, who passed away many years ago and I still miss him. The very thought of a man killing his brother is totally beyond my frame of reference and I simply cannot comprehend such a ghastly act. And yet it occurs.

Just recently there were news reports of a mother being arrested for conspiring with her daughter to kill her own son. In that case, her other son was the alleged murderer who was eventually found dead after the act, a victim of vigilante justice they surmised. That’s two sons dead and mother and daughter arrested. Truly a tragic family feud of epic proportions.

What manner of madness is that — mother, daughter, son, all mixed up in battle? And yet it happens. My grandmother used to say, “When the breed bad, it just bad, and nutten can fix it.”

In other words, some families are just destined to be warlike, doomed to discord, damned to destruction.

The saying used to be that blood is thicker than water, but now that same blood is shed as families feud within. As I have mentioned in previous articles, that type of crime is impossible to police. When a brother decides to do his sibling in, while living under the same roof, there is nothing that the police can do.

Mercifully, these interior family feuds are in the minority, but they are prevalent enough to be of concern. There are also the minor conflicts where malice infuses itself into the fabric of families, resulting in sisters not talking to each other for years, or children abandoning the rest of the family, never to be seen again. This bad feeling runs so deep that not even family funerals they attend.

I remember the song It’s a Family Affair by Sly and the Family Stone:

‘ It’s a family affair, it’s a family affair,

One child grows up to be somebody that just loved to learn,

And another child grows up to be somebody you’d just love to burn,

Mom loves both of them, you see it’s in the blood,

Both kids are good to mom, you see blood’s thicker than mud,

It’s a family affair, it’s a family affair.’

That’s a very old song that’s still relevant today. I must confess that I miss my family gatherings, and now when I reflect on the great times that I had growing up and the annual family reunions, and then think about the dwindling numbers of what we used to be, it’s heartbreaking.

The grandparents have gone, but the stories linger. Most of the aunts and uncles are no more, and we have taken their place. There was so much laughter, so many spirited discussions and arguments, so much family love.

Happily, I still see glimpses of that in some families nowadays, with love being the overarching feature, albeit mostly over the Internet. But Lord have mercy, dog nyam yuh supper if you’re immersed in a family feud and can’t escape.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth is what Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels said. The US election is over but the work has just begun to heal a fractured nation. During the whole episode of the election and the aftermath I was on edge, and I’m not even American. I can just imagine how nervous Americans must have felt.

The aftermath was even more nerve-racking, as efforts to overturn the results were perpetuated. All came to naught. As I watched the inauguration, tears welled up in my eyes as I saw President Biden and Vice-President Harris sworn in. Most of the world breathed a collective sigh of relief but remember, the undercurrent of hate still exists in some quarters, and President Biden has his work cut out for him to minimise it. Big up to Vice-President Kamala Harris of Jamaican and Indian roots. We in de White House.