Dear Editor,

The greatest among us are those who refuse to remain in the fallen position. Resilience, by far, is one of the most powerful survival tools we can have in our arsenal. Our ability to recoil from crippling situations is largely a product of our experiences and mental fortitude.

It is a character trait that we must begin to cultivate in our children. We cannot fight their battles for them, but we can play our part in equipping them with the skills necessary to bounce back.

Here are some helpful tips for building resilience in children:

1) Model resilience: Share your stories with your children; tell them how you bounced back from challenging situations. These can be powerful sources of motivation and can provide direction for navigating difficulties. We can also share stories of prominent people who have made it because they are resilient.

2) Create a strong support system: This will provide children with a greater sense of security and a springboard from which to relaunch. A strong support system operates pretty much in the same way for children as it does for adults. Knowing that they are loved and that others are there to help through difficult times will encourage them to mentally regroup. When they are disappointed in their performance, acknowledge how they feel, express unconditional regard towards them, assure them that they have support, and discuss with them strategies to approach situations.

3) Provide constructive criticism: While it may become frustrating to be repeating ourselves, we must remember that harsh criticism will erode their self-confidence and demotivate children — anyone, for that matter. Sure enough, we must point out where they went wrong, but make sure to do so with kind words to encourage them to reflect and revise.

4) Create opportunities for children to exercise mental independence: It may be tempting to jump to their rescue as soon as a situation arises, but this is not always to their benefit. If we want children to be resilient we must seize opportunities that will help them to test their capacity, while we step back and assess their competence. We sometimes need to let our children figure out what their next step should be. So he didn’t make the team; yes, his ego is bruised. But, instead of contacting the coach to plead his case, let him devise his own comeback plan.

5) Discuss challenging situations with optimism: We cannot always cushion children from the impact of crippling circumstances; for example, when a loved one passes. However, we can discuss these situations with optimism. This by no means suggests that we are dismissing the resulting emotions. Instead, we are showing them that even in the face of adversity we can be optimistic. Optimism helps us to re-regulate affect, and being able to manage our emotions is critical to dealing with difficult circumstances. The extent to which we are able to productively regulate affect has direct influence on how long we take to bounce back or if we bounce back any at all. Optimism will help them to look beyond the current situation and mentally project towards a more positive focal point; this is critical to being resilient.

6) Teach them the importance of self-care: A healthy mind and body is crucial to the ability to bounce back from difficult times. A self-care routine provides us with a psychological and physiological shock absorber. The more we practise the greater our resilience capacity becomes. Teach them the importance of positive self-talk, remind them that it is okay to ask for help, teach them to correctly label their emotions, and also ensure that they are allowed time for fun and relaxation. Encourage them to talk about anything that is bothering them. Also very important: Let them know that alone time is sometimes necessary.

When we commit to fostering the development of resilience in children we are actively participating in the process of moulding adults who are assets to themselves and others. We must help our children to develop mental fortitude and determination.

Onnica Morris

Acting head

Guidance & Counselling Department

Sam Sharpe Teachers’ College

St James

onnica.morris@samsharpe.edu.jm