Thou — Why thou wilt quarrel

With a man that hath

A hair more or a hair less,

In his beard, than thou hast.

Thy head is full of quarrels

As an egg is full of meat.

— Shakespeare

As they say, ‘If is egg, we inna de red.’ Couples will always quarrel, that’s a well-known fact. In reality, some couples quarrel so frequently that it’s a regular part of their routine. “Is Friday night, she going to quarrel with me for sure.” Yes siree, for some couples it’s a regular occurrence that they take in stride.

“Hey Norman, I heard you two at it again last night.”

“Yeah man, a nuh nutten, just letting off some steam.”

Maybe it’s good when couples quarrel, as maybe they get an opportunity to vent their frustrations, have an emotional release, get things off their chest and be okay…until the next time when the cycle is repeated, over and over and over again, with tongue-lashing regularity.

In fact, in some Latin countries, quarrelling is a way of life, as many Spanish-speaking ladies are reputed to have hot tempers and sharp rapier-like tongues that can move faster than the wings of a hummingbird and more deadly than a Gatlin gun.

Couples quarrel, we’ll see why, right after we take a look at what these folks had to say about my revelation of the ‘Manosphere’.

Hi Teerob,

It’s about time that men had an organisation such as the manosphere where they can counteract all those other organisations that those female groups have formed. Men had no voice and are constantly bombarded by those female groups. I say rise up, my brothers, and let your voice be heard. Maybe we can’t burn bras or complain about harassment, but at least we can shout with one voice.

Desmond

Hi Tony,

I had never heard of the manosphere untilI read it in your column, so I looked it up and it stated that the manosphere is a collection of websites, blogs and online forums promoting masculinity, misogyny, and strong opposition to feminism. I assume that the idea is for men to become more masculine within support groups, but why the strong opposition to feminism and the hating of women?

Gordon

Whenever people are involved in relationships they are bound to have differences of opinion, divergent views and opinions, and ultimately quarrel. Well, so it’s been said, but in over 60 years of marriage I never saw or heard my parents quarrel, not even one single time. I never even heard my father raise his voice at my mother.

I’m sure that they must have had their disagreements, for they were two normal human beings, but we never saw or heard any verbal altercation between them. My father was the strong, silent type, and I guess that I tried to emulate him, for I’m not a quarrelsome person. My mother, on the other hand, had a mouth on her, and would let her opinion be heard in all its glory, not in a garrulous way, but she let her voice be heard.

Somehow, the combination worked, or perhaps my father was deaf and didn’t tell us, as he joked to us. Whatever the reason, they didn’t quarrel, at least not in front of us, so we never witnessed any discord.

But couples do quarrel, and most of us have either been involved in them, or witnessed them. Still, there has to be a trigger, a catalyst, a button that’s pushed to ignite that flame of angst that explodes and erupts with volcanic proportions into a full-blown quarrel.

What, though, are those combustible elements that ignite a quarrel? The experts say that the number one reason couples quarrel is money. Ah yes, money, dollars, loot, credit cards, moolah, lucre, gold, call it what you will, the love of it, or the lack of it is usually the root of not only evil, but of quarrels too.

Couples young and old often encounter financial problems that lead to animosity, frustration, anger, mistrust and quarrels. He may think that she spends too much on frivolities, while she may say that he doesn’t earn enough. Maybe they’re just plain broke. Both are bitter, hurt and angry, the perfect ingredients for a full scale verbal assault, no holds barred barrage of bad words hurled with the precision of a scud missile or flung with the force of rockstones at each other.

“The light cut off again, yuh didn’t pay the bill?”

“Pay it with what, yuh see me working?”

“Yuh too lazy.”

“Yuh spend too much pon weave.”

And so it goes on, all because the frustration of having no money boils up and explodes with volcanic proportions and riotous regularity. It’s not only money, though, for trust, or rather lack of trust, mistrust, is also a major contributor to couples quarrelling. As soon as one makes a move it’s met with suspicion and mistrust.

“So, where yuh going this time of the night?”

“Why yuh wearing so much perfume and makeup, yuh meeting man?”

“Who was that you had lunch with today?”

“Who just call you on your phone?”

And that’s when the quarrel begins. All those questions can lead to a quarrel, especially if they’re asked with rampaging regularity.

“Ah bwoy, here we go again, yuh nuh tired to ask mi the same thing over and over again?”

And that’s when the fight begins. Usually those quarrels are the worst, for suspicion and mistrust are like combustible, incendiary catalysts that ignite the flames of unbridled anger.

Sometimes these suspicions are unfounded, but it doesn’t matter, as long as one party has it in their head that something is going on, the quarrels will never stop. But what if the suspicions are not unfounded and the infidelity is real, then that’s when the quarrel rages.

“When are you going to stop seeing that tramp?”

“Yuh stiil talking to yuh ex-boyfriend, I hear.”

Let’s not forget the cellphone, which is the cause of so many quarrels between couples in the modern era. Sometimes as soon as a man picks up his phone it’s a problem for some women, and, of course, there are those jealous men who insist on reading the texts on their woman’s phone. As the old saying goes, be careful what you look for, as you may very well find it.

The research says that couples who have been together for a long time usually always quarrel about household chores. And you can take one guess who is the instigator of these quarrels. Oh yes, you got that right, but you dare not say it out loud.

Needless to say, I have never heard of a man starting a quarrel with his woman about household chores not being done. He only responds to the onslaught. As my bredrin always told me, “It’s as if she can’t stand to see me relaxing. As soon as I sit down so, she find sumting for me to do.”

“Get up, go feed the dog, take out the garbage, wash the dishes, water the plants.” And that’s when the quarrel starts. “I just couldn’t take it anymore, I had to answer her.”

But guess what, there is one area where couples quarrel that is not initiated by the man. That’s right, you guessed correctly again — sex. Studies have shown that couples often have calamitous quarrels about sex.

In most cases, in fact, in all cases, it’s the man who complains that he’s not getting enough, and it’s the woman saying that he wants it too much. What came first, the chicken or the egg, the penis or the punany? The result is the same — a huge quarrel.

“Is who yuh a save it fah, yuh other man?”

“Yuh want it too much, I am tired. Nuh just last month yuh get some?”

Research has shown that sexual incompatibility, real or imagined, is the root cause of many major quarrels between couples. To date, I have never heard of a woman complaining and quarrelling with her man because she wants more sex. As the man said, “That won’t happen, you will never see that happen, that will never happen, not in your lifetime.”

Hey, couples quarrel all the time, and for some it’s just their way of communicating, while for others it can be a catharsis, as they get the opportunity to get things off their chest, as long as they don’t cross certain boundaries and say things that they will regret. Remember, the spoken word, like an arrow, cannot be retrieved once said.

Now, unfortunately for some couples, quarrels can get physical and take a deadly turn. But for the majority, quarrels are simply their way of saying, “Hey, I hear you expressing yourself, I still love you.” Or is it really?

Quarrelling too much cannot be good, but perhaps worst of all is indifference, where neither party cares anymore.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: It’s said that we must give praises when they are due. Well, I have praises and cussing right now. I heartily commend the staff at Appliance Traders Ltd (ATL) for their assistance, courtesy and professionalism meted out to us recently. I must single out Ms Tracea Carr and Mr Wayne Duquesne who went beyond the call of duty to assist us. ATL really shone brightly in this land where customer service is not the best in many organisations. Also, Citrad Ltd and Rapid True Value show great customer service over the years that I’ve been dealing with them.

On to the cussing now. Tara Couriers head the list, as their customer service and professionalism leave much to be desired. My wife ordered some contact lenses from overseas and the supplier used Tara for delivery. Well, it was a nightmare and I hope that they will improve in the future.