If you love and get hurt, love more,

If you love more and hurt more,

Love even more.

If you love even more and get hurt even more,

Love some more until it hurts no more.

— Shakespeare

BASED on that quote, that’s a whole heap of loving and a whole lot of hurting that people are expected to endure. Is that wise though, to keep going back for more loving even though there’s so much hurting? Some may say that the pleasure is worth the pain, but is the pain worth the pleasure?

Should you be a glutton for punishment just to get a few scraps of loving? Some people are just romantic masochists and never learn from their experiences. Others may say that it’s all worth it, and even though the hurt is great, the pleasure makes up for it.

It’s just like being in a gym and hearing, “No pain, no gain.” But no one said that the love was to be focused on one person only, neither should the hurt come from one person. There is no rule that dictates that if you’re hurt you’re supposed to go back for more from the same person who piled on the agony and torment — and that’s why there’s the school of thought that promotes the benefits of multiple lovers.

It’s not my school, not my thought, but I saw it in a documentary the other day and it piqued my interest.

Well, honestly, on second thought, I did give it thought. Which healthy man wouldn’t? But shhh, keep it under wraps. That’s where we’ll go today, examining the benefits of multiple lovers right after these multiple responses to what I had to say about ‘How men cope’.

Hi Tony,

As I understand it, coping mechanisms are used to eliminate or decrease the side effects of stress. Stress can lead to a whole bag of mental and physical problems. I also understand that one way of coping is to change or eliminate the source of one’s stress. How this applies to the current woman in one’s life causing the stress is to be carefully considered before taking the appropriate action.

Edward

Teerob,

Most men cope by escaping, sheltering from the storm into their own personal world of peace and calm, where they seek refuge. It’s an interesting fact that women are the ones who pile on the stress while men are the ones who cope. Very few men, if any, are ever accused of nagging, yet that is the hallmark of so many women. Why is this? Why do women think that it is their God-given right to nag and harass men, making them have to seek various coping mechanisms?

Patricia

Much has been said about the benefits of having multiple lovers. This can be on a consecutive basis, where as one relationship ends you slide seamlessly straight into another — a sort of sequential monogamy I call it. It’s not uncommon. What I’m referring to though is not consecutive lovers but concurrent, simultaneously, at the same time.

It’s like when the judge hands down the sentence of five years at hard labour on each count to run concurrently, you should be grateful for you’ll only serve five years. But had the judge said consecutively, your goose would be cooked, you’d get what the duck got, as those five years for each count would run one after the other. So if it’s four counts, you’d serve 20 years.

For some people, being in a relationship is like serving a prison sentence, so the same principle applies to the benefits of multiple lovers running concurrently, all at the same time. At this point I can hear the collective condemnation of a thousand pious prudes, see the simultaneous raising of the eyebrows of zealots, hear the hue and cry of the hypocrites, and see the finger-wagging of the holier than thou.

After all, I’m referring to one person having multiple lovers, and that is simply not supposed to be done. Well, it’s done, and very often too, but just not spoken about. It is relegated to the shadows of hypocrisy, to the chambers of perfidy, to the lair of lies.

So, although it’s not preached, it’s practised and, based on my research, there are great benefits. Back in the day, and even now, it used to be the purview of men who had multiple woman concurrently. As long as you could afford them, you could have them.

Now, the women seem to have joined the game and are even better at it than the men in certain areas. In their case, though, it’s strictly for economic benefits. As one lady proudly declared, “I need a man who is trustworthy, a man who is a provider, a man who will take me out, and a man who is good in bed. The secret is not letting these men find out about each other.”

You can tek serous ting mek joke but that’s one huge benefit of having multiple lovers. People who are different fulfil certain needs, and no one man can be all that.

But what about the man who has multiple lovers? Surely it’s not for economic gain, so why does he do it? What are the benefits? Well, they do say that variety is the spice of life and that bird cyaan fly pon one wing, so men will pay for that spicy variety as they fly from one nest to the other.

They also say that monogamy is unnatural and that people only practise it because of the strictures of a hypocritical society, fuelled by the preaching of the pious.

Anyway, it’s established that man is polygamous by nature but mostly suppresses his natural urge to seek pleasure from multiple sources because of social mores. So, many men have multiple lovers — the mistress, the other woman, the matey. It is as old as the hills and the valleys in-between.

There are benefits, posit the practitioners of this prurient pleasure.

“My life is never dull, as I have multiple personalities dealing with.”

“When my wife withholds sex from me, it’s no big deal as I just go to one of my lovers for satisfaction.”

The justifications are abundant, but there must be some merit to the practice, some logic, some sense. After all, even in the Bible it’s recorded that many great men had multiple wives, lovers, consorts and concubines.

This even goes outside the Bible too, for there are many religious and non-religious sects, societies, countries, that endorse and relish the practice of multiple lovers. It’s all about the sects. Hush. I couldn’t resist that one.

Nowadays it’s frowned upon in most modern western societies so guess what the people do? They turn that frown upside down into a smile and practise it underground, in the labyrinth of lust. That’s right. Every Tom, Dick and Harry is enjoying the benefits of multiple lovers, but shhh, it’s s secret and no one should talk about it.

We all know of prominent men, and even some not so prominent, enjoying the benefits of multiple lovers. I say prominent because it can be an expensive venture, and no poor bwoy can afford to keep multiple lovers. Most can’t even afford one.

That being said about the men, there are also women who endorse the benefits of multiple lovers, albeit these females number fewer than the males. So not counting those women who do it strictly for economic gain, there are some women who actually enjoy this lifestyle.

Interestingly, they do so with the consent, approval and participation of their husbands. Oh yes, they’re married, but have lovers on the side. It’s an “arrangement” they say. It’s practised mostly in the USA and Europe but I don’t know if it would work here.

One wife, multiple men. In that arrangement the husband is also allowed to have multiple lovers on the side. I take that back, not on the side for they’re all part of the arrangement so there is no side chick, not outside man as all are included.

The fact is, people’s libido differ, and whereas a man may have a strong sex drive, his wife may not. The reverse is also true, although most of the complaints that I hear are from men. The man can suppress his raging libido while his wife is completely happy and oblivious to his plight, or he can reap the benefits of multiple lovers and everyone’s happy — but this expectation exists only in a perfect world for, based on my findings, even if the wife has no interest in sex and the man goes elsewhere for satisfaction and gratification, all hell going to pop.

The benefits of multiple lovers would solve all these problems. Like I said, I am not the author of this concept but merely the harbinger of tidings. I pass no judgment.

What I will say, though, is that it’s practised on a wide scale, but mostly in the shadows. Men will always have secret lovers, always solicit prostitutes; women will always have Joe Grine as a service rep, women will always have multiple babies for different men. Now, tell me if that’s not the benefits of multiple lovers being enjoyed?

Many people are living it, while others can only wistfully dream of it.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Football fever is upon us and lovers of the game are having a field day with the matches. There is schoolboy football and there is the World Cup. I watch them all, and what I have noticed over the years is that the same mistakes that schoolboys make are made by those highly paid professional footballers. The same silly passing of the ball across the goalmouth resulting in a goal, the same missed easy goal line chances, mishandling of the ball by goalkeepers. My point is, stop cursing the schoolboys. Mistakes occur at all levels and are the nature of the game. The ball is round.