DOES Jamaica have a culture of infidelity?

Professor Karen Carpenter does not believe this to be the case, but says the Caribbean country, like 85 per cent of the world, has a culture of multiple partnerships — not all of them linked to infidelity.

The professor of gender, sexuality and psychology, who is also the director for the Caribbean Sexuality Research Group Sexology Clinic at University Hospital of the West Indies, told the Jamaica Observer that, with just under 17,000 registered marriages in Jamaica each year, a discussion about infidelity should take into account the social structure of the country, where up to 74 per cent of the society does not marry.

“Each year that you look at our statistics for marriage and divorce, you will see that less people are getting married. However, 50 per cent or more are getting divorced each year. So I find it difficult for us to have a conversation that assumes that Jamaicans marry, when a majority of Jamaicans do not get married,” Professor Carpenter said.

Infidelity, according to the American Psychological Association, is the situation in which one partner in a marriage or intimate relationship becomes sexually or emotionally involved with a person other than the partner’s spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend.

Speaking to Sunday Observer on the heels of an incident in the United States in which a Florida woman reportedly told detectives she killed her Jamaican husband over infidelity issues, the relationship and sex therapist pointed out that sexual jealousy is the likely motivating factor and not “the infidelity”.

She, therefore, called for sexual jealousy to be addressed in a constructive way.

“I trained in the United States and I found that their notions of fidelity were rather rigid and did not mirror our kinds of households in the Caribbean, and certainly not in Jamaica.

“I found, as well, that 75 per cent of divorces in the United States actually come to the courts because of infidelity, so they treat infidelity very severely within marriage,” she said.

Professor Carpenter added that she can appreciate why a Jamaican man married to an American woman may act out in ways that the woman finds inappropriate, “but may be completely appropriate for our own culture, and cultural clashes occur at all points along the continuum”.

Explaining her reason for identifying sexual jealousy, and not infidelity, as the motivating factor in the recent suspected homicide, Professor Carpenter said: “Had she not known of it, she couldn’t have reacted, so it was her jealousy. Suppose she didn’t have any regard for whether or not he committed that act? She could leave him, she could ask him to leave; there are so many other steps along the way before shooting someone, so she has to be both jealous and in a rage to do that,” the expert said, adding that many people cheat on their partners and it does not result in murder.

Jamaica has seen cases of intimate partner violence due to sexual jealousy and intimate partner homicide-suicides, with the professor sharing that the local cases tend to be homicide-suicides, usually with the male killing the female and then taking their own life.

In fact, just yesterday, the Observer reported the account of a suspect now being sought by the police in connection with a case of arson that left about 30 people homeless in St Andrew, who said he intends to surrender to the authorities but needs to first get over the hurt caused by his girlfriend’s infidelity.

But what would cause an individual reacting out of sexual jealousy to resort to violence instead of walking away from the relationship? Professor Carpenter said the individual must have what is called “trait violence”.

“Within their personality, they may already have that trait for violence. The person who is a pacifist, no matter how hurt they are, they’re going to find pacific ways of dealing with it, including walking away.

“Most of us do not react violently even though we are humiliated, and the biggest issue with infidelity is the humiliation, often I find, of the sex,” she added.

The relationship and sex therapist explained that the person feels embarrassed and as if they’ve been duped.

“The person feels that they’re made to feel like they have no sense, and they’re going crazy, because invariably they’ve accused the partner of this infidelity and the partner has steadily denied it…”

“So that kind of deception that’s prolonged, that’s persistent, and then you find out the truth; it can be devastating, but the act of violence requires a violent personality,” she explained.

The Florida board certified clinical sexologist and licensed counselling psychologist believes possible solutions lie in being honest in relationships and learning how to handle feelings of rejection.

“Most of us are not taught how to handle rejection, and when your partner comes to you and says, ‘Hey, I’m looking at Bob or Sue or Mary and I’m interested in them, it feels like rejection.

“We have to teach people that people have a right to refuse you; we haven’t done a very good job of that. We have to address sexual jealousy in ways that are constructive,” she said.