If money goes before

All ways do lie open.

— Shakespeare

You pay a great deal too dear,

For what is given freely.

— Shakespeare

Those two quotes above really caught my attention as I pondered today’s topic, and if you insert the word ‘women’ in those quotes you’ll catch my drift. But seriously though, why should men pay when it comes to dealing with women? Have you ever given any thought to why this is so, why men have to fork out wads of cash when it comes to entering into a relationship with women?

Not only that, but he continues paying long after the relationship has blossomed and faded, but in a different way, of which I shall certainly bring to the fore. But why the man has to pay initially has been a moot topic for a very long time. One theory is that it started many centuries ago when men were the sole breadwinners and women were not a part of the workforce.

So surely, if a man was squiring a woman, he was expected to pay for any date that they would go on. After all, he was the one working, with a source of income, and she wasn’t, so obviously the moral and decent thing for him to do was to cover all expenses that may accrue when they went out. The onus was on him to pay.

But times have changed, women have not only entered the workforce, but are dominating it in many areas. Yet men are still expected to pay. Why is this so? We’ll find out right after we see what these folks had to say about my take on ‘Fatherless females’.

Hi Tony,

A very pedagogical eye-opening and valuable article. Boy, most times not everything in life is guaranteed the way you want it, especially a chaotic childhood. Look at the impact that living without a father has on daughters. Not many persons are talking about those basic issues, and how they affect us.

POT Mrs

Teerob,

I’m so glad that you touched on the effect that growing up without a father has on daughters. For years I didn’t know why I was so angry all the time and resentful towards men until I realised that I was channelling the mood of my mother who would always curse my absent father so that I could hear. I grew up actually hating him and, by extension, all men. When I finally met him as an adult, I wept for all those lost years.

Sandra

So here’s the picture, a young man decides to take out a young lady for a nice evening — dinner, drinks, a movie maybe, or dancing at a club. Apart from providing transportation, he had better make sure that he has enough money to cover all expenses for the evening.

On the other hand, all that the woman has to do is get dressed and show up looking pretty and greet de man wid har two long hand dem, nothing else. Is this fair or just, and why is this so, what law or social mores dictate that a man has to pay for the entire evening? After all, as I mentioned, we’re way beyond medieval times and women flood the working world. Not only that, but many women actually earn far more than some men.

Yet the man is obliged to pay for everything when he takes a woman out on a date. Not only that, but some women capitalise on this and have no conscience and will order the most expensive stuff when the man takes her out. So she’ll order lobster and Bailey’s Irish Cream instead of stew chicken and a soda.

You can always tell the character of a woman by what she orders on that first date. If she orders the most expensive meal on the menu, tek sleep mark death, she’s here to nyam out de man. But if she has a conscience and orders the cheapest dish, then she’s a keeper.

Then there is the question, what did she bring to the table, what does she have to offer the man after he has spent so much money on her? It can’t be just her pretty looks, alluring charm, bubbly personality and two long empty hands?

You may not like to hear this, but no man spends so much money on a woman without expecting something in return. That something being sex.

There, I said it, the man wants to get sex from the woman after investing so much in the initial stage of the relationship. No man is going to fork out thousands of dollars on a date if he doesn’t want a happy ending. Sure, they’ll both disguise it as courting, wooing, getting to know you sort of stuff, but the bottom line is it’s
quid pro quo, something for something or nothing for nothing.

“You mean to say that you spent $20,000 on that woman and not even a goodnight chups yu get?”

Which leads to the next question, after how many dates and heavy spending should the woman decide to consummate the relationship? After all, the man can’t just keep spending, spending, spending with no goal or reward in sight? Still, conditions apply, for if she has sex with him on the first date, she may appear cheap and easy. But if she holds out too long, plays hard to get, even as the man gets hard, he may become impatient, suspicious, mistrustful and move on to an easier prospect.

“Ten dates now and nutten nah gwaan, she a play me for a fool.”

So she has to strike a delicate balance and agree to have sex with him after a decent number of dates, say third or fourth. What do you say ladies, is that a reasonable number? After all, the man has been paying for everything all along, and you have brought nothing to the table except your smile.

How about going Dutch, splitting the bill down the middle? Is that a viable option? There are mixed reactions to this, as some men have no problem sharing the bill or even having the woman pay the entire amount.

“If I invite her out I expect to pay, but if she invites me out, then she should pay,” is what some men say.

As I mentioned, there are women who earn very good salaries, yet they still feel that the man should foot the bill when they go out on dates.

“I’m old fashioned, so not because I earn more means that I should pay.”

This payment goes further than just dinner and a move date, for men continue to pay long after that initial phase. There are women who make men pay long after they have been married, and especially in the USA, men have paid the price for marrying such women.

Some of them enter the relationship with nothing but their looks, yet end up leaving it with far more than they could ever dream of. Now, that’s a great deal. There are so many stories of millionaires losing almost everything to women who marry them then file for divorce, taking half or more of what the man is worth.

I told you that some men continue to pay long after the initial stage of the relationship, and continue paying forever and ever. It’s worse than buying goods on hire purchase, or borrowing from a loan shark, it never ends.

There is an endless list of millionaires, modestly wealthy men or even ordinary guys who have ended up destitute by women who made them pay dearly after divorce. It was Eartha Kitt who sang,

‘
I’m just an old fashioned girl with an old fashioned mind,

Not sophisticated, I’m the plain and simple kind,

I want an old fashioned house with an old fashioned fence,

And an old fashioned millionaire.’

But with all fairness to wives, all aren’t like that, but there are some stupid men who continue to pay for women who aren’t their wives. Those women don’t like men for their generosity, but more for their stupidity.

She doesn’t like the man, she likes the cash, and he will continue to spend much, just to impress her. Don’t be stupid, if he wasn’t paying, she wouldn’t be staying with him.

Yes those men continue to pay for the affection and so-called love from those women, not knowing that without their cash she’d have no interest. It was a wise person who said, “If the woman takes sex out of the equation, the man has no more interest in the relationship, and if the man takes money out of the equation, the woman has no more interest in him.” Profound, true or cynical words?

Those men who pay deserve to be taken for all they’ve got. You cannot buy love, you cannot buy contentment. What you can buy is sex, and for that, men will continue to pay. Still, maybe there’s some merit to why those men will continue to pay, for it was Brendan Behan who said, “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free, is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” Oscar Wilde said, “Choosing to pay for sex or getting it for free, getting it for free costs you considerably more in the long run.”

Those men who lost everything in divorce settlements can attest to that. More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: There is an old Jamaican saying that goes, “Unfair game play twice.” Somehow it always seems that the so-called smaller nations get the unjust ruling when it comes to sports. Case in point were the recent football matches between our very own Cavalier football team and Inter Miami from the USA. We scored a goal which was accepted initially, yet was disallowed after a review by VAR. Amazingly this review took almost 10 minutes before they came to a decision. Then in the second game, Messi scored what seemed to be an offside goal which was allowed to stand. Years ago when the Reggae Boyz played the USA, a foul was committed outside the box, yet a penalty was given against us. There are many others which maybe you can remember. Sprinter Merlene Ottey suffered this fate also, always getting the decision going against her, and even our Kishane Thompson in the recent Olympics ‘lost’ by 5,000th of a second, yes five thousandth of a second. Give us a break, please.