Those like Messrs Oneil Madden and Damario Patterson, who, in Tuesday’s edition of this newspaper moved the motion that fathers deserve to be celebrated, while highlighting the tremendous fanfare that usually surrounds celebrations for mothers, ignore the obvious — that celebrating men is not an ‘other people’ job, and not a woman’s job; rather, it must begin with men.

In a column published after Sunday’s observance of Father’s Day, the writers lamented — as so many others have taken to social media in the lead-up to and after Father’s Day to do — that for Mother’s Day restaurants are booked, social media overflows with tributes, and communities rally around women, while Father’s Day is a more “muted observance”.

Fathers, they argue, deserve more recognition.

And perhaps they do. But whose responsibility is it to create that culture of celebration?

The women’s movement did not begin because society suddenly decided that women were worthy of recognition. Women organised, advocated, and fought to change conditions for themselves and other women. They built institutions and demanded that their contributions be acknowledged. Why are men not compelled to do the same? Are women expected to do the work of building a movement for men as well?

The annual, wearisomely repetitive complaints surrounding the subdued nature of men’s celebrations actually reveal more about men’s failings as a group than they’re prepared to accept. Many men do not celebrate International Men’s Day, for example, when it arrives. Many could not tell you the date if asked. Yet every year, when International Women’s Day comes around, the question inevitably surfaces: What about men?

Too often the only time men seem to care about men is when women are being celebrated. Women’s celebrations are rooted in generations of activism and sacrifice. They were earned through organised effort, not granted through sympathy.

If men’s lives matter too, where are the campaigns, events, fund-raisers and community initiatives led by men? Recognition will not simply occur, it has to be cultivated.

Unequivocally, present, engaged and loving fathers, and good men, deserve recognition. But the answer to the challenge of the lukewarm acknowledgement of men is not annual complaints about Father’s Day brunch reservations. It has to be a serious commitment by men, themselves, to promote responsible fatherhood, mentor young boys, support families, and hold other men accountable.

If men believe issues affecting fathers and manhood deserve greater attention they should organise around those issues. They should celebrate one another. They should build the traditions they believe are missing. Men cannot outsource the work of celebrating men to women and then complain when the celebration falls short.

The issue is not why Mother’s Day receives more attention. The issue is when men start doing the work of uplifting men with the same consistency that women have shown in uplifting women, perhaps these conversations will become less about grievance and more about genuine progress.