PRESIDENT of the Jamaica Association of Guidance Counsellors in Education (JAGCE), educational psychologist Kirk Morris, has urged parents of children who are being bullied to document and keep a detailed record of incidents, which he says is vital to not only safeguarding the child but in building a case so school officials can act.

At the same time, Morris, a seasoned guidance counsellor, says parents should avoid labelling the aggressor even while seeking interventions as oftentimes such children inflict on their peers what they themselves are experiencing.

Addressing a recent virtual forum hosted by the Farquharson Institute of Public Affairs, Morris said parents — after ascertaining that their children are being bullied — should keep dates, description of the incidents, names of the people involved, witnesses, and screen shot messages in instances where bullying is done online.

“Keep an accurate record, and this can help [you] communicate clearly with the school personnel. Documentation is key, when you are able to document the day it happened, where it happened, the persons involved, the witnesses, all of this is very important in building a case or safeguarding your child. Keep a detailed record that will help to speak with the school officials and get this bullying behaviour stopped,” Morris said as he urged parents to contact school officials rather than confronting the bully or the parents of the bully.

MORRIS…it is important that bullying is stopped because we don’t want when we tell our child to ignore it, things become worse

Morris further warned parents against telling their children to “just ignore” their bullies.

“It is important that bullying is stopped, because we don’t want when we tell our child to ignore it, things become worse and sometimes causing them to lose their lives. They should avoid also encouraging retaliation, avoid confronting the other child, or their partners aggressively, or assume that bullying is a normal part of growing up,” Morris schooled.

He also cautioned parents against accusing their child of making themselves an easy target.

“Sometimes parents may blame the child to say they are weak and they are the ones who cause the others to bully them; that is something parents should not do. Take the situation especially seriously if bullying is accompanied by threats of serious harm, physical violence, sexual harassment, severe emotional distress, self-harm, or fear of going to school. It’s important that we report these matters to the officials, and if it continues, parents and officials have to sit down to find ways to stop this issue from occurring,” argued Morris.

In pointing out that persistent bullying can have significant impact on children’s mental health, Morris said concerns should not be dismissed or minimised.

“The most important message for a child experiencing bullying is this: This is not your fault, you deserve to be safe at schools, and you do not need to handle it alone. By doing this, you help them understand they are not alone,” Morris added.

He said signs that a child is being preyed on at school include — unexplained injuries; damage to belongings or missing items; frequent stomach-aches or headaches, especially before school; reluctance to attend school or participate in activities; changes in sleep habits and appetite; mood swings; loss of confidence; falling grades; difficulty concentrating; withdrawal; anxiety; fear; or suddenly asking for extra money or possessions.

“Bullying at school is more than ordinary conflict between children, it generally involves repeated aggressive behaviours in which there is a real or perceived imbalance of power. So bullying can be physical, verbal, relational, or social, and it can also occur online [cyber bullying]. So we need to understand that there are various types or levels of bullying,” said Morris.

Meanwhile, Dr Angela Ramsay, founding chair and leader of the Farquharson Institute of Public Affairs, told the forum that emphasis must be placed on all parties involved in the situations.

“Often we concentrate on the target and we leave the bully or the perpetrator alone. The bully also needs a lot of attention,” said Ramsay as she warned that there is a significant risk that some bullies do not outgrow the childhood tendency and often morph into adults who commit crimes.

“Some create issue online as adults, create issues within the workplace, and may engage in domestic violence; people take this bullying thing sometimes [too lightly],” said Ramsay.

She pointed out that some bullies harden because they are not encouraged or given the tools to change.

Furthermore, she said unstable homes where there is either severe discipline or no discipline, or where adults are very harsh one minute and then very lenient are likely to breed bullies.

“When adults look away, that is the sad thing that is the tragedy of all of this, an identity gets hardened. It’s a problem when bullying is rewarded,” she added.