Albeit, I will confess thy father’s wealth

Was the first motive that I woo’d thee Annie,

Yet wooing thee, I found thee of more value

Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags.

— Shakespeare.

People will never change. Throughout the ages men will ‘look’ women using great pretence, not making their intentions clear, or lying outright about their intentions. See, even in the above quote that guy admitted to the lady that his intentions were only to get her father’s money, but he had a change of heart later. At least he came honest.

Most, however, do not, and women have expressed how difficult a time they have discerning what intentions a man has towards them. But should a man make his intentions clear all the time, or have ulterior motives? Some men have said definitely not, as it lays their feelings bare and leaves them vulnerable.

“The last time me tell a woman seh mi love har, she juss kiss har teet and ask mi if mi is eediat, so next time mi juss play it cool and see what happen.”

That came from a man who had been burnt by the snubs of a cold lady.

We’ll explore that right after these responses to ‘Fake’.

Teerob,

Entertaining article, but hmmm…how does a man fake an orgasm, there has to be some sort of evidence as such?

Pardy

Tony,

We live in a fake world with fake goods, fake people, and fake leaders. You can’t tell who is who, if what they’re saying is true, if what they’re selling is authentic, or if they are who they say that they are. As for some women, everything is fake: hair, lashes, eye colour, breasts, booty, orgasms. Some men’s entire lives are fake, all covered by lies.

Sharon

It does seem to appear that women still would like to know what a man’s intentions are from the outset. The thing is, most times a man doesn’t even know himself.

“How can I state my intentions towards her when I just met her and don’t even know much about her?”

“Take time to know her,” the song says.

I remember as far back as when I was in sixth form and had a girlfriend for a few months. Well, upon meeting her father for the first time, the man promptly sat me down and asked me what were my intentions towards his daughter. There I was, a lad of 17, being confronted with the mother of all questions. I did what any well-thinking schoolboy would do and blurted out, “Well, I love her deeply and plan to marry her in the future, sir.”

Listen, the man used to be one of Jamaica’s top boxers, what should I have told him? “I just plan to have a great time with your daughter then move on when I get tired of her in a few weeks time, sir.” My parents didn’t raise any fool. The point is that even at an early stage the father wanted to know what my intentions were towards his daughter, even though I was still in school with no job.

A young lady confronted me in the supermarket about that same thing, how men fool up women and don’t make their motives clear. Women often fool themselves, I thought.

“A woman wants to know where she stands from day one so that she can know what to do,” she said.

Ok, so a man, upon meeting a woman for the first time should say, “Darling, my intentions are to marry you after a year or so of courtship,” or “Hmm…I’ll just have great sex with you, then drop you like a hot potato after a few months.” Get real, Earth don’t run so.

Women, it seems, want guarantees, they want to know that they won’t waste time, spending two or three years of their lives dating a man only to have him move on at the end. But hey, those years should not be seen as wasted, but rather accepted as one of life’s experiences. Even women don’t know what they want at the outset, so how can a man?

Women have admitted that there are men who they date but would never marry.

“Some yu promise and some yu give and some yu marry.”

When men say that, though, it’s crosses. True, the men may put it a bit more crudely:

“Some yu [have sex with] and some yu marry,” but it all boils down to the same thing.

Many women want what’s akin to an application form at the outset of a relationship. To wit: Why are you dating me? Why did you choose me over those other girls? Do you intend to love then leave me? At the end of one year, can I start sleeping over at your place? At the end of year two, can I move in with you? At the end of year three, can I have your baby or at least start the wedding proceedings? Please read this form carefully then sign at the bottom. That’s the standard form that women would like men to fill out and sign.

That would guarantee exactly what the man’s intentions were towards her — Fantasy Land. Imagine what would happen if men started making their intentions clear from the start of relationships. You would have an increase in liars in our society, plus an increase in women who were disillusioned and broken-hearted.

The first woman a man met, he’d have to marry her, unless she had no intentions to marry him. But the irony is she’d probably be the one that he wanted, as nothing turns on a man more than a woman who snubs him. With that questionnaire, the mystery would be taken out of romance, the thrill of the chase would be gone. That’s why cheetahs in Africa rarely eat dead meat, as part of the satisfaction is chasing the prey at 70 miles per hour, catching it, then feasting. The fact that some escape makes the chase even more thrilling. But women still want guarantees.

No one pities the poor man who was involved with a woman for three years only to have her run off with some other guy. All you hear about are those poor women who men dealt with and then left. But guess what? Even when a man makes his intentions clear, women still don’t heed them. A man will say, “Listen, here’s how it goes, yu come see mi single, yu come see mi nuh married, yu come see me one inna mi house, mi nuh want nuh long-term sentence, nuh married, nuh pickney, just a fling, seen.”

He makes his intentions clear from day one.

She sees his mouth moving, listens to the words, nods her head in assent, but she hears not what he says. Nothing passes, percolates, permeates into her brain. She sees herself as the one to change all that, so she sets out on her quest, akin to the 12 labours of Hercules. At the end of the day, when the man remains unchanged, she curses him and leaves, calling him all manner of names, and curses all of his ancestors, comparing them and tracing their lineage to a pack of marauding canines, curs even.

“But I told you from upfront that’s how I was,” the guy says.

“Yes, but I didn’t really believe you, and I thought that even if you were so, you would change.”

Change, that’s the word that women cling to, even when the man’s intentions were clear from upfront. As someone once said, “You dance with the Devil, he won’t change, but you do.”

This even applies to married men who have women on the side. The man is very much married, meets this young lady and starts to deal. He tells her upfront that he has no plans to break up his happy home. He is not leaving his wife, his house, his car, or his dog. Plus, he loves his children so “him nah go nuh whey”.

“I understand, I would not want to break up your happy home, I will see you when I can,” she says, and plunges headlong into an affair. Please note, the man’s intentions were clear. After a while, she wants more, pressures the man to leave his happy home and be with her full-time, full hundred. When he refuses, she curses him or carries on like a virago or sulks and nags him incessantly. That’s why most married men lie about their intentions and instead say, “I plan to leave my wife soon, we don’t have sex anymore, we sleep in separate rooms, and as soon as the kids are old enough, I’m outta there.”

That’s the standard line of all married men with mistresses, but with ulterior motives. But the reality is they never leave. Even though his intentions were clear, he dare not make them known to the “matey” or no good times would be had. Remember, some are good enough to marry, while others are good only for a fff…un.

It’s all about timing, as is everything else in life. It’s not who you want to marry, it’s when you want to marry. A man will go through life sowing his wild oats, meeting all types of classy women, but ends up marrying one that surprises people. Why? She came along at the right time.

A woman, too, will bypass Mr Right and marry Mr Right Now, all because the time was right.

“I am in my 30s now, and if I don’t grab on to this last straw, then I don’t know when another man will ask me.”

Hey, remember what the last straw did to the camel? So it’s not clarity of your intentions that counts, it’s when. Show your hand too soon and she may reject you, show him your hand too soon and he runs away like a thief in the night.

Women want guarantees from the outset, but men are forever channel surfing, never satisfied with what they’re watching, but curious as to what’s on the other channels. And that’s why they have ulterior motives.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Our football programme is in a flux and has been for some time now. After our historic qualification for the World Cup in 1998, expectations and hopes have been high for a return to those glory days. But high expectations are the root cause of bitter disappointment. Apart from a few minor successes here and there, the Reggae Boyz have not grown at all, and many countries who were once behind us are now making great strides on the world stage. We blew a glorious chance to qualify this year, and the nation is still reeling from the shock exit. And yet the officials keep on doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. Then they go on TV with such hubris and arrogance. We may never ever qualify for another World Cup, but we will always hear great media interviews with excuses. Thank God for the Reggae Girlz who continue to excel.