So shall I live,

Supposing thou art true,

Like a deceived husband; so love’s face

May still seem true to me, though altered new.

— Shakespeare, Sonnet 93

MEN are always bawling about being cheated on, even as women say that men do it more. Both sides have their say — he said, she said — with every story having three sides: his side, her side, and the real side. The eternal emotional triangle. This controversy has been brewing for centuries, the question of who cheats more, men or women.

At first glance some people would quickly say, “Men cheat more than women,” while others may say that women are simply better at it and know how to cover their tracks. Maybe that’s why men designed and forced their women to wear chastity belts when they had to be away from them for any period of time.

“Come honey, put this on while I’m away on the business trip.”

But the locksmiths did a flourishing business with cheating women.

Whoever does it more may not really matter, as the pain inflicted is a heavy one to endure, and many do not survive the deception. That’s why it’s called cheating, for somewhere along the line a robbery takes place.

Deception, treachery, perfidy, guile and guilt all go into the mosaic of cheating. We’ll see who’s better at it, men or women, right after these responses to ‘Ulterior motives’.

Tony,

Being involved in a union, marriage or otherwise is absolutely a risky but necessary venture in life for all, therefore it’s important to set the motives and guidelines as to how to approach or delve into such a partnership from the start. Remember: There can be uncertainties, with no guarantee during the process. So initially it’s important that you get the motives right as the future of the relationship is the players’ responsibility. Do not lie or deceive before or during the process.

Paulette

Teerob,

Ulterior motives are necessary. How else would men get women, or women get men to marry them? They both send out different signals to achieve their objectives. A man won’t just say, ‘I want to have sex with you, then move on.’ Neither will a woman say, ‘All I want is your money.’ So they both pursue their objectives with a sleight of hand ruse.

Arthur

The woman on the side is called the side chick, the matey, the other woman, while the other man is usually called Joe Grine or the Service Rep. Whatever the names are, it’s cheating, and is a most destructive element in any relationship.

People will point fingers and say that men cheat more than women, but the scientific, statistical evidence says otherwise. I have always asked, “If men are so bad, who are they bad with?” Ahaa! Made you think, huh? To take it further, I did intense research and what I found was most revealing.

All the research points to an almost equal ratio of men and women cheating. And the truth is, clinical studies confirm that women cheat nearly as much as men but are just better at hiding it.

In other words, women are just ‘better’ cheaters, if ever there was such a thing. I always remember a good friend of mine who had other women with his wife. He was a man about town while his wife was a quiet, demure, simple kind of woman. When he discovered that his wife had turned the tables and also cheated on him, he almost had a heart attack. He fell to the floor and held his belly as he wailed:

“Oh my God, I never knew she was capable of doing that! She act like she can’t mash ants.”

She was so stealthy with it that he didn’t have a clue.

I have always compared cheating men and women to dogs and cats, with the men being the dogs (of course) who will do it anytime, anywhere, anyplace, anyhow. The women are the cats, who you rarely see doing their thing. Sneaky felines. Have you ever noticed how a cat always seems like it’s up to something? Plus, cats are ‘facety’ and can’t be controlled.

Some studies say that 23 per cent of men cheat, compared to 19 per cent of women. Pretty close, or as they would say, a statistical dead heat. Other studies even suggest that more women than men cheat. I guess it depends on the country where the research was done.

But even when faced with these glaring statistics, many women still cling to the belief that cheating is a man’s game.

Bringing it closer home, it’s been established that over 35 per cent of men tested in Jamaica are not the fathers of their children but are, instead, wearing ‘jackets’, as the term goes. A jacket is a child being cared for by a man who thinks the child is his but, in reality, the child was fathered by someone else.

“What a man can get jacket! Not one a di pickney dem resemble him.”

“How de man black so and have pure half-Chinese pickney and grocery inna him house all de time?”

Are we the jacket capital of the world?

Isn’t that evidence of women cheating on a grand scale? And yet they say that men cheat more. The subtlety of cheating women is as legendary as it is frightening. Like a submarine, they’re smooth, silent and deadly.

There was this case of a married couple who took in this country boy to mentor him. Well, he meant her well as the wife mentored him but in a short time he and the wife were carrying on behind hubby’s back. Naturally, the marriage broke up.

In contrast, men’s pattern of cheating is cliché. He stays out late at night, comes home reeking of perfume, changes his habits, leaves telltale signs like lipstick on his collar, and so on. Not so for women, who will cover their tracks better than a ninja, and are as sneaky, surreptitious, slithery, seductive as a submarine sliding silently. Yet it’s the man who will be vilified, all because he was clumsy and got caught.

The research goes further and gives the reasons why both sexes cheat. For men, the answer is simple, they’re just horny hombres who want to hump anything in sight. They’ll even pay for it.

I saw this movie of this female escort who justified her actions of sleeping with married men by saying, “Men have a higher sex drive than women, and wives deny their husbands sex after a while so I fill that need.” Women lock shop on men, not the other way around.

Women cheat for other reasons, most of them emotional. Maybe she feels unloved, unappreciated, unwanted, and seeks these from some other man. Sometimes they cheat out of sheer spite or revenge.

“He flirted with that woman again so I gave it to his best friend just to get back at him.”

Women have confided in me personally that they cheated on their husbands because the men were too arrogant and ‘boasy’, and needed to be brought down a peg or two. Some do it because the men abused them and it’s their only way of getting back at them.

“Every time ‘im slap mi, I give it away.”

When you read the advice columns you’ll see stories of wives cheating all the time, then feeling guilty afterwards. Some feel no guilt at all but worry about pregnancy or health issues.

“Could I have caught an STD?”

“I don’t know who the father might be.”

So all of you folks who think that men cheat more than women, the statistics say otherwise. It appears to be a dead heat, a photo finish, down to the wire, but the women are invisible participants, ghost like, feigning innocence even as the men get caught in the flashbulbs.

Plus, men boast of their cheating too, but women never tell. That’s why the impression of men cheating more is so lopsided.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Well, the rains came and brought much relief to many people, even as it brought misery to others who dread even the hint of a dark cloud. The farmers and those affected by water lockoffs welcome the showers but those who live in flood-prone areas or suffer from severe leaks see the rain as a curse. There are still folks suffering from the impact of Hurricane Melissa last year who still dread the onset of any weather system. But, as the old saying goes, rain falls on the just and on the unjust, and we can do nothing about it. It pains me to see all that water going to waste when it could be harnessed somehow for future use. Jamaica has lots of water, no doubt, but poorly managed for decades. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink, went the poem.