IMAGINE leaving a job interview feeling reasonably confident. You answered most questions well, but one question caught you off guard. On your way home, you keep replaying that moment.

“Why did I say that? They probably think I am not qualified for the job.”

By the time you arrive home, you have convinced yourself that the interview went badly. You begin to question your abilities, even though you have not received any feedback and do not know the outcome.

What began as one difficult question has become a much bigger story about your abilities and your future.

This fictional example illustrates how our interpretation of an experience can influence how we feel and respond. A similar pattern might occur when a student receives a disappointing grade and concludes that they are not intelligent enough, or when someone interprets a delayed message as rejection.

Such conclusions may feel convincing, but are they necessarily accurate? Understanding how our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviour can help us consider this question more carefully.

Understanding cognitive behavioural therapy

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based form of psychological treatment that explores the connections between thoughts, emotions and behaviours. The American Psychological Association identifies CBT as an approach supported by research and used to treat a range of psychological difficulties, including anxiety and depression.

CBT recognises that how we interpret a situation can influence how we feel and what we do next. Someone who makes a mistake during a presentation might think, “I embarrassed myself; I should never speak in public again”. This interpretation may contribute to anxiety and avoidance. Another person might think, “That did not go as planned, but I can learn from it,” and decide to practice before the next presentation.

The circumstances may be similar, but the interpretations and responses differ.

This does not mean that thoughts alone determine our well-being or that every problem can be resolved by thinking differently. Our relationships, experiences and social circumstances also matter. Rather, CBT offers ways to recognise unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaviour and develop more balanced, constructive responses.

One practical framework for examining unhelpful thoughts is “Catch it, check it, change It.”

1) Catch it: Identify the thought

Pause and notice what you are telling yourself about a situation. In the interview example, the thought might be, “I ruined the entire interview because I could not answer one question.”

Recognising the thought allows us to examine it rather than automatically accepting it as fact.

2) Check it: Examine the evidence

Ask yourself: What evidence supports this thought? What evidence challenges it? Am I responding to what I know, or making assumptions about what someone else thinks?

The interviewee might recognise that one answer was difficult but that the other questions were answered adequately. Since the interviewers have not communicated their decision, the outcome remains unknown.

Checking a thought does not mean dismissing genuine concerns. It means distinguishing facts from assumptions and predictions.

3) Change it: Consider a balanced perspective

Having examined the evidence, consider whether another interpretation is more realistic.

“I ruined the entire interview” might become: “I struggled with one question, but I answered others well. I do not know the outcome yet, and I can learn from the experience.”

This alternative does not guarantee success or deny the possibility of disappointment. It simply allows for a more balanced understanding of what happened.

The goal is not to replace every negative thought with a positive one. It is to consider whether our interpretation reflects the available evidence and whether another perspective might help us respond more constructively.

Applying the skill to everyday life

Consider a student who receives a lower examination grade than expected. The initial thought might be, “I am not smart enough to pass this course.” After examining the situation, the student may recognise that one result does not define their entire ability. A more balanced response could be, “I am disappointed with this grade. I need to identify what I misunderstood and adjust how I prepare.”

The grade has not changed, but the student may now be better positioned to identify a practical next step.

This approach can encourage reflection and problem-solving. However, it is important to recognise its limits. Financial hardship requires practical resources and opportunities; discrimination may require protection and systemic change. Neither can be solved simply by reframing a thought.

Similarly, while learning CBT-informed skills can support self-reflection, it is not the same as receiving therapy. People experiencing persistent or overwhelming distress may benefit from professional support. Difficult emotions should not be dismissed, and people should not be blamed for struggling to change their thoughts.

A more thoughtful response

We cannot always control what happens to us, the first thoughts that enter our minds or the emotions we experience. We can, however, practice becoming more aware of our thinking and more deliberate about how we respond.

The next time a distressing thought arises, try catching it, checking the evidence and considering whether a more balanced interpretation is possible.

Changing our perspective will not always change our circumstances. It may, however, help us recognise possibilities, make informed decisions and choose our next steps with greater clarity.

Sometimes, a different response begins with a simple pause, and a willingness to question the story we tell ourselves.

Danielle Miller is a psychosocial professional with an academic background in child and adolescent development and disability studies. Her work focuses on promoting mental wellness, emotional resilience and well-being in individuals and communities. Contact: daniellelorimiller@gmail.com.