The lies men tell

SOMETIMES it seems that the art of lying is taught to boys as part of their initiation into manhood, as for many women, finding an honest man is as unlikely as finding a snowball in hell.

For men, attraction begins with the eyes, after which, some women say, they stalk their prey, devour it, then dump the remains soon after. While he’s doing the stalking he will wax lyrical about her positive attributes, a process that leaves some women confused. Because how could he say one thing today; how could he profess his love, and leave her holding the short end of the stick soon after?

For the men below, lying is all about technique. It’s a fine art used by the predator in his conquest, as he prepares to seal the deal. Here the men reveal 10 lies they ALWAYS

tell women.

LIE#1 ‘You’re the only one’

Jason L, 38:

I was pursuing a woman once and she asked if she was the only one in my life. I responded, “Of course, honey. I would never look outside or think to cheat.” Of course she believed, and then she found out that she was the rose (good girl) among the many thorns (bad girls) in my life.

Raymond K, 48:

My wife still thinks she’s the only one and when she asks I respond, “Baby, I don’t have reason to cheat.” Truth is, she’s not. She’s just my wife, but I have many women on the side who I have a grand time with.

Roland H, 37:

My matey asked, “Am I the only one?” I said, “Of course”. But I’m married and we [men] are creatures of habit. If I’m cheating on my wife with you, it’s probably not the first time and you’re probably not the only one at that time.

LIE#2 ‘I love you’

Ricardo J, 24:

This is probably the biggest lie I’ve told every girl I’ve been with. Love doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time. I only say ‘I love you’ because it melts her heart and I will score many goals.

Jermaine D, 29:

I tell that lie simply to get to the promised land. If I make her feel comfortable and she trusts me, I can’t leave disappointed.

John G, 44:

“I love you, you love me. We’re happy.” For the women I’ve been with, once they hear this, I’m good until the lie backfires.

LIE#3 ‘I’m out with friends’

Roland H, 37:

I’ll tell her I’m going on a guys’ night out to the bar. It’s 99 per cent true, but for the other one per cent of the time I’m out meeting new chicks or linking with a prospective matey.

George A, 26:

I need to keep her thinking I’m extremely faithful. While she may not be the only one, she’s still the main one.

Daniel D, 34:

It’s a good cover and your friends will never rat you out. While you may be getting good entertainment elsewhere that she can’t bear to know, hearing you’re out with friends will relax her a bit.

LIE#4 ‘It’s the best sex I ever had’

Roland H, 37:

Of course, I’ll tell her that the thing ‘tun up’, even when it’s not. It gets you more than you bargained for.

George A, 26:

I’ll do whatever I have to do and say whatever I have to say just to get some loving. If it means lying to boost her ego, I will.

Richard G, 40:

Encouragement sweetens labour. Tell people what they want to hear and you get the best out of them.

LIE#5 ‘I’m single’

Roland H, 37:

We live in a technological world. Look for me on Facebook, Instagram and you’ll see my family pictures. It can’t be that hard. It’s also public knowledge when someone is married. If you look but still let me touch, it’s your fault.

Ricardo J, 24:

No woman wants to know they’re second best. Even if they say they’ll settle for it, it’s not true. If you really want to get her and you know you’re not single, you better lie.

Daniel D, 34:

What you don’t know won’t hurt you. She doesn’t need to know if I have someone else, and truthfully, women ask that question and know they can’t handle it if we say yes.

LIE#6 ‘You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever known’

Richard G, 40:

No, you’re not. Chances are the prettiest girl I’ve known could be my mother, sister or cousin. Don’t be so naïve. The world has billions of people.

Joshua R, 27:

I don’t even know why women believe this, but it usually works. I tell the lie simply to make her feel special.

Jason L, 38:

Women like to be lied to. That’s just how I see it. I don’t think they are naïve one bit. I know they know the truth, but they accept the lie because it makes them feel good, so I continue telling the lie.

LIE#7 ‘I peaked’

George A, 26:

There are times when I want to hurry up and come out of a terrible situation. Once women hear that, they don’t expect you to really continue fighting the good fight.

Raymond K, 48:

Whenever I do this, it’s a case where my hopes were built up and I’m disappointed. I’m not a man to punish myself, so I’ll find a quick way out.

Daniel D, 34:

If I’m in a battlefield, I find my quickest way out. Bad sex is just bad sex and you can’t carry the horse to the water and force it to drink. I will not torture myself.

LIE#8 ‘Just one kiss’

Roland H, 37:

When you’re trying to hook up with a girl and she’s reluctant for whatever reason, and you move in for a kiss and she thinks it’ll cloud her judgement, you say to her, “Just one kiss and I’ll go”, and the rest is history. It works like a charm.

Ricardo J, 24:

This is probably my favourite lie of all times. One last kiss leads to one last touch, to one last everything.

Jason L, 38:

A kiss is usually my deal breaker. Once I keep requesting it, something else is on my mind and I won’t leave until I’m satisfied.

LIE#9 ‘She’s my cousin’

Raymond K, 48:

Obviously if we’re close cousins, why don’t you know her? Ask yourself that.

Jermaine D, 29:

Drawing for the family member card puts you in the clearance zone. Look, just ask yourself why you know my other cousins but can never know this one.

John G, 44:

She’s lucky if she doesn’t hear that it’s my sister as well. I’ll say anything to cover my tracks.

LIE#10 ‘I’m stuck in traffic’

Raymond K, 48:

I may be stuck somewhere, but traffic, no. When I pull this line, I usually go in front of a fan, so it sounds like I am busy.

Joshua R, 27:

It’s easier to say this than to explain why I’m running late. It may just be a legitimate reason I’m late, but I say it because explaining is like hoping it will rain in a drought.

Richard G, 40:

I use this line because I know I’m secure. Is she going to tell me to turn around in the traffic or drive over the cars? Nothing beats traffic. You simply took a road you think would have been free, and truth is, it’s congested.

— Kimberley Hibbert