Before you see a counsellor…
BE it divorce, the death of a family member, abuse or an accident, counselling is usually seen as the way to navigate choppy emotional waters.
The options are several — you may have to see a psychologist, psychiatrist or a general counsellor — but before embarking on such a relationship there are a few things to bear in mind.
Herbert ‘Barney’ Eldemire, a counselling psychologist for over 25 years, said there are some key things to bear in mind before starting the relationship.
Firstly, he said, you should know that the relationship between a counsellor and his patient is not a friendship; it is a professional relationship where the primary objective of the counsellor is to assist the patient as much as possible.
Although the relationship is one of intimacy where the client shares their most intimate thoughts with their counsellor, it is still not a friendship. He said the counsellor must be able to maintain some amount of distance to be able to view the patient objectively and not become too emotionally involved.
Secondly, Eldemire, who is employed to the University Hospital of the West Indies, believes that clearly defined boundaries must be in place from the inception of the counsellor-patient relationship.
Terms regarding payment of fees, cancellation policies, rescheduling, office hours, are all important points which must be clarified before the commencement of the relationship.
From Eldemire’s perspective, setting ground rules will see to it that both parties are not disappointed when either party’s expectations are not met. Additionally, the patient must be able to maintain a healthy distance from their counsellor so as not to develop an unhealthy attachment.
Thirdly, the client’s perception of counsellor is important. The counsellor’s effectiveness will be based largely on the client’s perception of the counsellor’s capacity to help them and to promote healing.
Therefore, characteristics such as empathy, and the ability to relate fully to the client, must be present in the counsellor.
The relationship formed between the two must be a supportive and nurturing one. The counsellor has to be an active listener who is tuned in to the cues that his client is sending him. Privacy is also an important point as you will be sharing with your counsellor details of your life which you may have never told anyone before and so it is important to bear this in mind.
Eldemire advises that you give professional help a try; and demystify some of your misconceptions about counsellors.
Seeing a professional counsellor isn’t a matter of admitting defeat, it is more an issue of putting yourself first, making you your first priority, and taking care of your mental health.
