He’s still in love with his ex if…
MANY people enter new relationships long before they’re over their last, before they’ve had time for closure, and before their hearts stop fluttering whenever they see or even think about their exes.
This can prove to be quite a test for the new partners, who, even if they are not sure just what is happening, can tell that they are not receiving 100 per cent attention or affection.
Transformational coach Caleen Diedrick said people can move on from their last relationships and even go through the motions of engaging in others in like manner, but if they are still in love with their last partners, the new relationships will not survive.
“Emotionally they will never be available to these new partners, putting those persons at a disadvantage,” Diedrick said.
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell also said still being in love with one’s ex can impact the new relationship as it is difficult for one person to serve two masters and give them both equal attention and commitment.
“Believe it or not, even though you may not be meeting with your ex physically, you are still cheating on your new partner, albeit from a distance,” Powell said.
So how can you tell that there’s still a flame with the ex?
1. Constant comparison. There is constant comparing of the new partner to the old partner. In conversations there is an unhealthy preoccupation with how the last partner would handle the situation, and even wishful thinking about what they’d do if they were there now.
2. Anger when the ex moves on. A huge red light is your partner getting upset or extremely emotional when they find out that their ex has a new partner or is getting married.
3. Seeking solace. If your current partner constantly runs to their ex to cry or complain about something happening in your relationship, that’s a red flag.
4. Daily talks. Talking about the ex daily is not something a person would generally do if their emotions are not tied up with the one person they seem to speak about nonstop — whether in anger or with a sparkle in their eyes.
5. Still mourning. Mourning the loss after a loved one has passed on happens because of the impact that person had on your life. Seeing your partner mourn the loss or break-up of a relationship is just as telling and means this is something they have not got over.
6. At their beck and call. If no matter what time of day or night it is, once your partner’s ex calls for whatever reason they leap at the opportunity to be by their side, take note.
7. Refusing to let go of the friendship. If he/she still spends quality time with the ex with the excuse that they are ‘just friends’ despite you telling them how much it affects you, take note. If they are not willing to give up that ‘friendship’, they value that relationship more than they do yours.
