Dad concerned mom using kids for content

Dear Mrs Macaulay,

My child’s mother puts our children on social media and uses them for content. I do not like it one bit, but she says it’s her choice to make. My older son says he gets teased about it at school. His mother doesn’t care. We co-parent well otherwise, and have a system in place where we share decision making. Could the court order her to keep our children off social media?

I understand your concern and agree completely with your position on this issue of putting and exposing children on social media platforms.  Your children’s mother ought to know better. Surely she is aware of the dangers of what she is doing and how hundreds, if not thousands, of children around the world have been victims of predators or child abusers or paedophiles, some of whom have through these platforms made contact, either directly themselves or often in the guise of being another child or young person, or by pretending to be a personality known to be admired by children.

They contact them and chat and build a relationship with the children to make them like and trust them, while acquiring real information about the children and their families, their homes and their likes and dislikes. They secure the fervent promise from the children that all their communications must be and would be secret and no one, even their parents and siblings, should be told of it.   In other words, setting the stage for the next step of grooming the children.

Any responsible mother in this day and age must know and appreciate the dangers of exposing their children on social media platforms.  It is like inviting the predators to come into their homes and be with them in the privacy of their bedrooms and do what they wish with their children at any time.  Talk about letting the wolf into  the sanctuary of the home!  Parents are obligated to ensure their children’s safety and not expose them to dangers and dangerous situations or put them in harm’s way, or wherein they are exposed to the possibility of any harm occurring to them. Your children’s mother is breaching all the obligations under the Child Care and Protection Act, and she could find herself in a very difficult position for any harmful consequences which all or any of her children suffer as a result of “her choice” to expose them on social media.

From your letter, it seems that your co-parenting arrangements were discussed and arranged between you two informally and without the intervention of any court.  While this is admirable and could work very well, all the required standards of law are clearly not being recognised by the mother.  She states that the choice  is hers, when in fact the choice must be of you both.  You as the father have an equal legal right to custody and care and control of your children and you should both make the decisions about their upbringing, lifestyle and occupations they are to engage in.  She as the mother does not have any superior rights over yours.

The fact that your older son has reported that he gets teased in school about the social media exposure, indicates his concern about the matter. He may even be suffering from bullying as well.   He clearly does not want it at all, but this has had no effect on his mother.  Her wishes cannot override the child’s best interests.  I assume the younger one(s) have not stated what effect the exposures are having on them.  Have they been asked?

You have asked whether the court can order her to keep your children off social media.  Well, the only correct order is yes it can.  You must however either obtain the services of an attorney-at-law to assist you to make the application, or go to the Family Court in your parish and have the statutory assistance of the clerk responsible for assisting draft your application for you.   I would suggest that you do not only address this very serious and important issue of the exposures on social media of the children, but also seek to have your co-parenting agreements put in as orders of the court, in order to ensure that no further obligation of care is overlooked or ignored by either of you, as all your acts must be in the best interests of the children.  This is the principle with which the court works in framing and making orders for parents and caregivers for the care and upbringing of children.

As a caring and responsible father, it behoves you to proceed to have the court (Family Court as I said for a quicker resolution than the Supreme Court) act to assist you to protect your children from the serious possible harm which may have or could occur to your children through their exposure on social media platforms.  I have no doubt that you will succeed pursuant to The Children (Guardianship and Custody) Act.

Please proceed so that checks and balances can be put in place for this mother who believes that “her choice” overrides her children’s best interests and the rights and equal involvement of the father.

All the very best and all success and peace of mind about your children.

Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public, and women’s and children’s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide private, personal responses