Raising an independent child

IT’S not easy for parents to teach their children independence in an age where there are so many rules and dangers to contend with. Parents can get in trouble with the law for things as simple as leaving a pre-teen alone at home, something that was no problem in the past, and something that can teach a child important life skills.

In the United States, intensely restrictive laws concerning children’s movement have encouraged many parents to subscribe to the Free Range Movement, where children are given badges to show nosy neighbours and the authorities that their parents aren’t irresponsible, but are teaching them independence by allowing them to do things as simple as walking alone to the bus stop.

In teaching children to be independent, the modern-day parent has to take into account the reality of kidnapping, rape and murder, that has been plaguing so many of the nation’s children.

Along with the dangers are child protection regulations that prevent parents from leaving children home alone until they reach 18, not sending them to the corner shop by themselves, or not participating in activities at school after dark.

So with so many rules to follow, how can you raise a child who won’t be dependent on you to drive him to and from college? How can you raise a child who will know the value of making small shopping trips on his own, and who can be mature enough to entertain himself at home without starting a fire while you run a few errands?

Dr Patrece Charles-Freeman, executive director of the National Parenting Support Commission, said parents can start by setting up structures at home.

“Structures mean chores and also homework,” she said.

“So you teach them how to sit and work by themselves and not babysit them when they are doing work. You teach them by giving them responsibilities at home that they have to carry out. Not everyone can take their children to school and so they are going to be taking the bus. They are going to be walking home from school, so go out with them initially and speak to them about the dangers that are out there.”

Dr Charles-Freeman said parents should also teach their children the responsible way of handling themselves in certain social situations like the bus park, school, on the road, in fast-food places — places that they are sure to go.

She said teaching them different things in age-appropriate ways and encouraging them to carry these out consistently is another way of teaching them independence.

“So you don’t just throw them out on the street at six o’clock in the morning and tell them to walk, instead of showing them how to actually cross the street,” she said.

She explained, too, that empowering the child and helping him to develop self-esteem is a way of raising an individual that will become independent and strong.

“Because if a child thinks badly of himself, then he is going to doubt everything that he does and that is something that a parent needs to understand. Two of the four key elements of effective parenting are recognition and empowerment. And if you can empower your child and if you can see greatness in your child you can then generate greatness from that child. So parents need to see that the child can take on certain responsibilities, they need to understand the maturity of their child.”

She added that trust between parents and children plays an important role in the children developing a sense of independence. If the child is having a problem he will then not feel that he should hide it, but instead realise that he can talk to his parents who value his opinion.