Knowing when it’s time to let go
WALKING away from a marriage or relationship that isn’t working out is probably one of the toughest decisions many of us will ever make. It’s even tougher if children are involved.
People do not normally get up and walk away from their relationships after the first argument because they know arguments and challenges will come after the courtship and the fairy tale wedding. Sometimes we endure years of hurt and pain, hanging onto a destructive relationship. But if the road is so rocky and there are significantly more downtimes than there are good days, when do you decide it’s time to let go?
Whilst there are various issues that can cause a couple to call it quits, here are some of the signs that might very well mean it’s time to close that chapter and move on with your life.
1. You are a beating stick
Physical abuse is a serious problem in many relationships, but many women who are in abusive relationships find it difficult to extricate themselves for various reasons. Some are fearful of their partners to the point where they believe they are safer remaining in the situation than trying to escape it. Some simply do not have the financial resources to take care of themselves without a man, and some remain because there are children involved. However, fear will never resolve a situation. There are opportunities for women to empower themselves and allowing children to witness you being battered everyday might produce disturbed adults who themselves become abusers to their partners.
2. Constant fights and arguments that cause you to be apprehensive about going home
Home is expected to be your safe haven after a hard day of work. We look forward to going home to unwind and relax but if you become apprehensive about going home to face your partner every day when work is over, you have a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Men are notorious for avoiding conflict in their relationships so the man who doesn’t want to face the cantankerous woman at home might begin to spend more time with his friends, going for a drink or even starting something on the side. A woman might become withdrawn at home or more involved in charitable activities that limit contact with her partner. However, these behaviours do not resolve the problem, therefore if repeated counselling has failed, you do need to examine whether it’s time to call it quits.
3. Your partner has no interest in your sexual or emotional needs
Rejection is a painful thing to deal with and when your partner refuses to share with you emotionally, physically and spiritually, you have a major problem on your hands. Lack of sexual intimacy in particular can be a huge blow to a man or woman with a healthy sex drive whose partner has no interest in being intimate with them. Men crave sexual intimacy, whist women crave emotional intimacy. It is important for your partner to be available to you to take care of those needs. Without that connection, you will be tempted to look elsewhere or walk away if the issues are not addressed.
4. Your partner is going east and you are going west
Understanding and supporting your partner’s dreams, aspirations, personal and career goals are very important in a relationship. Every man wants a supportive woman and similarly women want partners who will support their ambitions. If your partner is showing no interest in supporting your personal and career goals, you may eventually become frustrated to the point where you may consider calling it quits.
5. Your partner is having an open affair
When your partner becomes involved with someone else and openly flaunts his/her involvement with that person, it is a clear signal that they no longer have respect for you. It is therefore up to you to decide if you want to continue in that kind of relationship or walk away.
6. Your partner refuses to go to counselling
Counselling is always a good option for couples experiencing challenges in their relationships, but there are people who simply believe that it is a waste of time and do not want to even try for the sake of saving the relationship. If your partner has tried it once, it is likely you will get them to try it again, but if you cannot get your partner to accompany you to counselling, it is probably a sign that they do not have the same level of interest in saving the relationship as you do,
7. Repeated counselling has failed
While there are people who are experiencing continued challenging times in their relationships who refuse to go to counselling, there are also people who have repeatedly tried counselling to no avail. Before you throw in the towel, try other counsellors because sometimes a particular counsellor isn’t necessarily the right one for you. If after you’ve tried other counsellors your issues continue with no improvement, it’s a sign that perhaps it’s time to call it a day.
Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on twitter @thePR Girl and e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
