Are you looking for a man who doesn’t exist?
MANY women are still waiting, unable to find partners because their requirements and expectations are simply unrealistic. Strictly speaking, the kind of man we are often searching for, the one who has it all, might not even exist. He is the one with the complete package of great looks and physique, is romantic, a good lover, is ambitious, financially secure and will take care of his household, doesn’t throw his clothes around the house for you to pick up, loves children, helps with the housework, can defend you against any threat, and is God-fearing.
It is highly unlikely that you will find all those wonderful qualities in any one man, so you will have to decide what you can live without and what you can compromise on in order to live a happy life. One of the mistakes we make sometimes is that we find in one person 80 per cent of what we seek in a partner, yet we foolishly risk that 80 per cent to go after the 20 per cent that we do not have.
Here’s the reality:
1. Be realistic with your standards and be willing to compromise
We all want the best for ourselves, so we set high standards. However, be realistic about what you are looking for. If you’re a woman who has already achieved certain things, including post-graduate qualifications and some level of career success, and you want a good man who has some amount of financial security, don’t be rigid about finding a man of equal qualifications and career achievements. If you do that, you might be waiting for a very long time. Rather, look at the areas in which you can use your strengths to help his weaknesses, compromise and live comfortably together.
2. Put something on the table
Regardless of what you may have read in those Mills & Boon novels, sometimes love just isn’t enough. It makes for incomparably mushy, beautiful feelings and special moments, but there is more to successful relationships than emotions. When you decide to get into a relationship with someone, ask yourself what you are bringing into the relationship that will benefit both yourself and your partner and enhance the relationship. How will you use the skills you have, your education, or even any finances you have to ensure your relationship is balanced for success? Don’t go in depending on your partner to give everything. You might not have money or high-level education, but be willing to invest what you bring, even your skills, into the relationship.
3. Looks aren’t everything
If you place looks at number one on the list of attributes you are seeking in a man, you are in for a long and possibly painful wait. Good-looking men are out there, but many have nothing else to offer but those drop-dead gorgeous looks. Learn to appreciate the things that define a good man –a handsome face is certainly not one of them. Take the time to look at the inner man, what are his values, how does he view women, does he believe in marriage, what does he think the role of a husband is?
4. If there are things about him that you know you cannot live with, don’t marry him
If you see a cliff ahead, would you keep walking towards it, knowing you will fall right over? Although many women might say no, this isn’t necessarily true when you look at how many divorces we are seeing right now. Some women will see the red flags and be very aware of the man’s faults from the very beginning, yet they go right ahead and marry him nonetheless.
5. There is no perfect man — a good man will make mistakes too
Couples whose relationships have survived for long periods and who seem comfortable are often those who accept each other for the imperfect people they are. The sooner you accept that the man won’t meet all you ideals and determine what you can live with, the quicker you can settle into your relationship and nurture what you have. Being a good man doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t mess up at some point. It’s his character that places him in the ‘good man’ category — what’s in his heart.
6. How a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he will treat you
While it’s not the only thing to look at, do observe how a man treats his mother or the woman who raised him. A man who loves his mother and takes care of her will usually treat you with the same level of care and respect.
Marie Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
