Women, note: marriage is not the finish line
Many women spend all their adult lives working feverishly to get their men down on their knees for that special moment, not realising that marriage is not the finish line.
Psychotherapist Craig McNally explains that in fact, the work is just beginning.
“You both have your entire lives ahead of you — literally,” he shares.
“There will be mortgages, kids, loans — the whole nine yards. And instead of jumping for joy because you finally managed to beat all the other women to the finish line, don’t start celebrating just yet as there is still work to be done if your marriage is going to be a successful one.”
He said the couple will have certain expectations cast on them, and all this takes work and time.
“You will have to be able to pace yourself as you start a life together,” McNally says.
Regarding intimacy, he says some people might have opted to wait until marriage before sex, but the truth is that marriage is much more than sex.
“It is about the coming together of two lives. And so for the time you both have together, many things will come into play — mortgages, loans, higher education, etc. Marriage is as much as a business relationship as it is a sexual one.”
He also emphasises to women that the day that they get married is not the day that they should suddenly fall apart.
“You still have to make an effort for your partner. You still have to keep the fire burning. Interestingly enough, the day a man becomes married is the day when he begins to look more attractive to other women. And so for him not to stray, you have to be able to keep his eyes focused on you.”
It is important to remember that marriage is a lifetime commitment, McNally explains.
“…Through sickness and health; through the bad times and the good, you will be expected to stand by the side of your partner and be a source of strength. So do what you can to preserve the relationship — get counselling when required; celebrate the significant milestones in your life.”
McNally says for couples, marriage is an invitation to get to know their partners even better.
“It takes time to see the other side of your partner. You will not be able to tell if your partner if abusive or lazy just by going on fancy dates. You have to live with them for a while and get used to their personalities and their quirks. Marriage is an opportunity for you to learn about each other as individuals. And if the union is strong enough, you both will be able to stand the test of time.”
