The myth of man shortage

QUITE often we’ve heard the cliché ‘man short’, but that is not necessarily true. Men are not necessarily in short supply; good men are, and therein lies the problem. Good men are out there looking for good women, and they, too, are having similar challenges like women who cannot find what they are looking for in partners.

One of the reasons both men and women can’t seem to find ‘the one’, is that both sometimes want a ‘good man’ or a ‘good woman’ with certain qualities, but they themselves are not up to scratch. Consequently a woman might find a ‘good man’ but she either overlooks him or fails to keep him.

Some of the women who are complaining about their inability to find good men are simply not ready. Sometimes she fails to address her issues and shortcomings before seeking that special man, so when he meets her, he’s greeted with an unbalanced situation that he’s not prepared to deal with. A woman who is serious about finding a ‘good man’ will do what she needs to do to ensure he is not greeted with stress and drama. Some might say if he’s right for you, nothing will stop him from being with you, but the reality is that nobody wants to start a relationship characterised by stress.

Relationships are actually investments and they require work. You will be investing your emotions, time and other resources, and so will the other person. As a result, you might want to think of it as cleaning house to ensure there is room and the right climate for that investment.

Once you’ve fixed the things that can be a turn-off, your value goes up. At the bargaining table you can sit with confidence knowing that you are a good catch for any good man out there, and yes, they are out there.

Here are a few reasons women are finding it more challenging to find good men.

1. You place yourself in a box

Technology has enabled us to find and communicate with people wherever in the world they may be. Geography should therefore not be a restricting factor in finding a good man. Reach outside the box you’re living in and give that man an opportunity to find you. More and more men are looking outside their immediate vicinities for partners, so do your part and use the technology to connect with that good man who is looking for you.

2. Men are afraid of getting hurt, too

Macho as they appear, men want to be loved, appreciated and respected. If they do not think that they will get that from a woman, they may put up an emotional wall as a protection mechanism. So if you find a good man, don’t mess with his head, or the next woman he encounters will suffer.

3. The gold digger perception is strong

Men are finding it more and more difficult to trust women these days. The strong perception is that the majority of women are interested in money and material things. There are still men out there who do not mind taking care of women’s financial needs, but for others, neediness is a turn-off. So despite not having money for shopping sprees, at least ensure you can pay as many of your bills as possible without depending on a man. When he sees that you are not needy, he will feel safer in approaching you and he might very well give you more than you would have asked for.

4. Women are bolder and more aggressive in chasing men now

Women have become more bold and aggressive in approaching men they are interested in, and the traditional male who sees himself as the ‘hunter’ can become wary of such a woman and question her motives. He might even think that you are taking over his role, that is the role of the pursuer, and get turned off. There is nothing wrong with letting a man know you are interested in him, but be measured about how far you go in pursuing him.

5. Good men do not want to be taken for granted

Often men will lament that good guys are taken for granted while women spend their time chasing after no-good men who repeatedly mess them up. There are enough examples of this scenario to accept that it happens, so if you have a good man, treat him with respect and show appreciation.

Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePRGirl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.