Men’s expectations in dating
WHEN was the last time you had a talk with some of your male friends about dating and their expectations during the dating period? If you have done so in recent times, you have probably uncovered some uncomfortable truths about how dating and men’s expectations during courtship have evolved.
Rewind to the 80s when I was a youngster growing up and men were still patiently courting women for maybe four to six months or more before becoming intimate. Well, I’ve got news for you. The dating game and relationship patterns have changed significantly whereby getting a woman is not so difficult anymore, and it’s not simply because there are many women out there.
The days of a man throwing his best lyrics for six months and having to wait patiently for the woman he’s interested in to even smile with him are over. Unless he’s a really traditional guy, a lot of men are simply no longer interested in the lengthy chase because women have made it much easier for them now. Women are going after men aggressively, married or single, and many are lowering their value to as little as some credit on their phone or a hairdo. If you think I’m joking, talk to the men out there.
In an animated discussion with a male friend last week, I was told in no uncertain terms that, “Man not into the chase for no long time anymore because it’s not hard to get a woman anymore, is run me have to run from woman these days”. His views echoed those of a bright young attorney who told me recently that I needed to be realistic because, “A man doesn’t have the patience to chase mature women for three months and deal with the pressure from their reasoning. Not when a man can get a young girl who isn’t pressing for a commitment and doesn’t ask questions.”
So what that tells us is that women who are trying to maintain the standards and are adamant about getting to really know a man before becoming intimate could be in for a long wait to find partners. By the third date and sometimes even before that, a lot of men have expectations of sleeping with the women they have taken to dinner or a movie. Christians aside, whilst there is no agreed waiting period for sex, the going has got rougher for the woman with traditional values.
Here’s my take:
1. Traditional women shouldn’t be overly concerned. The man who passes you by for a woman who will sleep with him without knowing his last name isn’t the man for you. He really isn’t in a position to appreciate you or recognise your value.
2. Don’t change who you are to fit in with the crowd. Why blend in when you were meant to stand out? A woman who feels weird because everyone else is giving it up after a few days should instead feel great about being different. A man will come along who will respect you for your values, so don’t throw your pearls to swine.
3. A man who isn’t willing to wait until the woman he is interested in is comfortable and ready to become intimate doesn’t respect her. Her feelings should matter as much as his do. Men want respect in their relationships but this should be reciprocal. A woman’s fear is that a man who is keen on sex early in the relationship will leave as soon as he scores. While a man can wait six months to sleep with a woman and still walk away as soon as he does, your decision to hold out until you are ready should be yours. Don’t be forced into it.
4. Be careful who has a little piece of you. You share your soul with every partner you sleep with, so choose carefully. I’m not being a religious nut when I say this. Every man you allow to become intimate with you takes a little piece of your soul and you do likewise. Juanita Bynum’s No More Sheets is available on YouTube. Every woman should watch this video. Scientific studies are now confirming that women are now carrying the DNA of men they’ve slept with, so be careful whose DNA you choose to carry.
5. Single mothers, teach your sons by example. A single mother has to be careful how she lives her life, especially when she has male children. Those boys are observing how you relate to men, so be mindful who you allow into your life and by extension into their lives. Boys are normally very close to and protective of their mothers, so teach them to be gentlemen who will respect women.
Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePRGirl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
