The danger of overanalysing your man’s behaviour
SO for the first in a long time he comes home late, claims he had to work overtime and heads straight to the shower. Somewhere inside your head a little voice is telling you that he’s probably not speaking the whole truth. Right way your mind goes into overdrive trying to figure where else he might have been if not at work and why would he have opted not to come straight home to you as he normally does. Did it have anything to with your not making dinner on time last week and was his remark in bed a few nights ago an indication that he wasn’t happy about things at home?
Instead of discussing your concerns with him and asking straightforward questions, you drive yourself nuts conjuring up all kinds of images in your head, trying to assess, analyse and interpret his behaviour in relation to what is possibly a very simple matter. Yes ladies, some of us are guilty of overthinking and overanalysing some simple behaviours and situations in our relationships and if we are not careful, we can analyse ourselves out of a good relationship.
The danger with that kind of behaviour is that you can turn your partner off and push him away with your Matlock mind. If you tend to overanalyse in your relationship, you might want to consider the following:
1. Men are not mind readers. If something is on your mind, ask questions to get your answer. A man likes peace, he wants to be where he can relax after a hard day’s work without being subjected to suspicious looks because you have unanswered questions.
2. Use the time you are alone together to discuss your concerns face-to-face. Don’t keep things churning inside you and wait until he’s out the door then Whatsapp him at work and distract him from his job. He might very well decide to stay out late simply to avoid the argument he expects to greet him when he gets home.
3. If you see him with a pumpkin, it is a pumpkin. Don’t try to figure that the little white stripes on it were once the legs of Cinderella. The sad truth is that when we overanalyse things, we tend to see what isn’t there because we are trying to use our intelligence to explain the possibilities. Don’t overthink when the simple facts are staring you in the face.
4. Give him the benefit of the doubt unless you have evidence to support the excellent analysis and intelligence gathering you’ve done. Use the intelligence gathering, analytic and interpretation skills to come up with great ideas and ways to enhance your relationship and quality of life.
5. You can spend days or weeks overthinking or analysing your partner’s behaviour or a simple statement he made, when there’s nothing to it. The moment you ask him the burning questions and he responds, you might be surprised, somewhat embarrassed and wanting to pull that thinking cap over your face.
6. Before you decide to search his phone or other belongings for evidence of whatever your mind tells you is there, you might want to do some soul searching. Take some time to check how many times you have overanalysed things and perhaps do some intelligence gathering of counsellors who can help you deal with this problem that can cost you your relationship.
Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePRGirl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
