Fatherless daughters

A fatherless daughter can be defined as a woman who grew up without a father in her life, a father who was physically present (alive), but emotionally absent. As a result of this she struggles with issues of abandonment, emptiness and the feeling of being unloved or unwanted.

“The role of father is to teach his daughter how to be in a non-sexual, intimate relationship with a man,” says life coach Iyanla Vanzant. In fact, it’s the first relationship a daughter has with a man and therefore teaches her how a woman should be treated. However, if dad leaves, Vanzant explains that the daughter lacks that healthy model and often seeks to fill that void in a variety of ways.

While some women may disagree with this and feel as if the absence of their father in their lives had little or no impact on them, if they were to really look they would see its impact manifested in many forms. These range from being promiscuous, seeking validation in all the wrong places, being too clingy, too defensive, or having a fear of rejection. Afraid of commitment, this woman doesn’t let men get too close to her, becoming emotionally cold or withdrawn.

Her sense of self will be tainted, and no matter how pretty, vibrant, lovable, funny, or intelligent she may seem, her self-confidence is damaged or non-existent.

Anyone who grew up without a father knows what pain and struggle it is to walk around with a broken heart caused by the one man who helped to bring you in this world. But the pain can be healed and your broken heart mended if you:

1. Acknowledge one simple phrase, “Daddy’s gone”, says Vanzant.

2. Take ownership for your actions by not blaming your father’s absence for how your life turned out.

3. Let go of the past.

4. Forgive yourself for the things you told yourself such as, “You were not important to your father”, “you were too ugly for him to love” or “you were too black for him to love”, etc.

5. Forgive your father for not knowing how his absence would affect you, as chances are he was a fatherless son who didn’t know how to be a father.